


Something in the Way She Moves

by tessafreakingvirtue



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: AU, Ballet, Children, F/M, Reunion, single parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-01-12 11:37:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 69,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18445769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessafreakingvirtue/pseuds/tessafreakingvirtue
Summary: Tessa and Scott took different paths two decades ago; now fate has brought them back together.orThe story in which Tessa's a ballet teacher and Scott has just enrolled his daughter in her class. Let the fun begin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story I'm writing, it's an AU and it's in no way replacing my other story! You may find its fluff enough to satisfy you in the meantime.

The pink bag hung from her fingertips of her left hand, the other hand activating the screen of her cell phone, her eyebrows furrowing as her eyes scanned the time. She was running behind schedule. It was nearly two o’clock and she had to be at the studio by five to prepare for her new group of students. It was a Tuesday, the first day of Spring. 

And Virtue Ballet Academy was thriving. 

She’d opened the school of dance nearly five years ago, after she’d retired from The National Ballet of Canada. She’d spent eighteen years at the company, starting when she’d become an apprentice at barely twelve-years-old and advancing through the ranks to a Principal Dancer. It had been difficult at first, making the transition from ballet to ice dance and then back again when she’d decided that she couldn’t stay away. She’d sacrificed so many dreams to give up the ice, to leave the world she’d known since she was seven years old, but she’d done it. 

She’d toured throughout Canada and across the world, performing for thousands of people in concert halls, her hair pulled into a tight bun on the top of her head as she grinned, the applause thundering in her ears. She’d spent nearly two decades on arabesques, mastering each position, her feet cracked and bleeding as she leaped and glided through the air. She’d dedicated her life to her craft, and when she’d performed her swan song, hot tears had streamed down her cheeks. 

Shortly after retiring, she’d left Toronto and moved back to London to be closer to her family, found a large building on a quiet street, and the rest was history. She’d been working with students aged three to adult since, photographs of her time in the National Ballet of Canada hanging in the pristine white lobby of the studio. She had spent so many years as the student, and then the professional, and now worked with so many other young men and women as she watched their dreams come true. It was bittersweet.   
With her eyes scanning the last few lines of an email she quickly composed, she found herself surprisingly graceless, her slender frame colliding with a man in a leather jacket, glancing up at him, an apology already written in her eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” she rushed the apology, already dodging out of the man’s way, but when she caught his eye, she paused. She recognized him immediately, though she couldn’t place him. It was if she were looking through the wrong end of a telescope, the image so familiar yet distorted enough to just be unrecognizable. 

But she knew that hair. She knew the shape of his mouth, the sharp point of his nose. She knew those eyes. She’d spent the better part of five years looking into them.   
He seemed to recognize her as well, blinking once, a grin spreading easily over his lips. 

“Tessa?” 

It took her a moment, which was ridiculous considering he’d been in the back of her mind for twenty-two years, always wondering what he’d done with himself, where he’d been, what kind of life he’d had. He had been the first boy she’d kissed at the Ilderton carnival, the first boy who’d held her hand and looked into her eyes and made her feel beautiful despite her freckles and underdeveloped body. He’d been her best friend for those five years of her childhood, and he’d faded away just as quickly as her dreams of one day competing in the Olympics had.

“Scott Moir,” she said his name, the memory of his touch rushing back to her, the way she’d floated in his arms across the ice, “Oh my God. Is that really you?” 

His arms went out to his side as if he were presenting himself. 

“It’s really me.” He laughed suddenly, “I’d ask if that’s really you, Tessa Virtue, but you’re not easily forgotten.” 

Instinctively, it seemed, he reached out to her, his arms sliding around her as he pulled her into a tight hug. She stood, somewhat stupefied for a moment, before returning his embrace, grinning at him as he pulled away. He stepped back, seeming to appraise her before his hazel eyes moved to the bag in her hand. She felt his gaze on her, couldn’t pretend not to see the approval in his eyes. She felt her cheeks flush suddenly and inexplicably, and when she met his eyes again he was smirking. 

“Victoria’s Secret, eh? I guess you’ve come a long way from being twelve-years-old.” He was grinning, his eyes sparkling with a mischief that she suddenly remembered so well. 

“Oh, it’s a-” she caught herself, “I had to buy a slip for an event I have next week, I-” She paused. Why was she bothering to explain this to him? She didn’t owe him anything, least of all an explanation. Suddenly feeling rebellious at the gleam in his eye, she crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head at him. “I don’t think I owe you any sort of explanation.” 

She wondered for a moment if he would be offended, wasn’t sure herself how to take his gentle teasing, but the grin appeared wider on his face and she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 

“You look fantastic,” he said finally, and she studied his face. He looked more mature, of course, but not necessarily older. His skin was smooth and unwrinkled, his hair dark and full. She opened her mouth to ask what he’d been doing in the two decades since they’d seen each other, but he was already speaking. “Do you wanna grab a coffee with me?” 

She paused, glancing at her watch. She was on a time limit; her life ran on a tight schedule, every moment accounted for. Right now she should be heading to her car, making her way to the studio, reviewing her class list and ensuring that all arrangements for a successful program were made in advance. 

But standing here, five years of her childhood memories standing before her in this mall, she knew that she needed to make an exception. If she passed up this opportunity, she might not see him for another twenty years, if ever. She couldn’t simply turn and walk away. 

“Okay,” she said instead, and he grinned.

They found themselves in a Starbucks within the mall, swiping his credit card for the charge of two black coffees and settling into two easy chairs that had been recently vacated. He held his coffee cup up to her, tilting it as if it were a champagne glass, and said simply, “to old friends.” 

She returned the gesture and settled back against the leather seat, cradling the warmth of the cup in her hands. 

They talked for the better part of an hour, catching up on their careers and lives. Scott had continued to skate for several years with different partners, none of whom had made enough of an impression him to be mentioned by name. He’d turned to hockey as a teenager, played professionally for a while, and then found his true calling in coaching. She listened as he relayed the path of his life, finding irony in the idea that they’d started together and had traveled such similar paths. 

“You run a ballet studio.” He echoed the words after she’d run through the abridged version of her life since she’d known him. “I’ve heard of it, of course. I guess I never put the ideas together, but it makes sense. Do you like teaching?” 

She smiled, watching the way his hazel eyes remained focused on her. She was reminded of him as a fourteen-year-old, a teenaged boy whose attention would be expected to be anywhere but on his duties, yet he had never taken his eyes off her when they’d been on the ice. She remembered, sadly, how it seemed to have been the last time a member of the opposite sex had paid undivided attention to her. 

And now, here he was again, watching her with concerned, focused eyes. There were crowds around them, the bustle of shoppers and conversation, and yet his eyes never left hers. 

“I love it,” she nodded after a moment. “I work with students of all ages, from three to adult, and each of them bring such a different satisfaction to the role. I get to watch the little ones fall in love with ballet for the first time, and I get to watch the adults realize their true passions.” 

“I’m sorry I never got to see you perform,” he said suddenly, the hint of a smile on his lips. “I’ll bet you were magnificent. Do you miss it?” 

She took a moment to consider his question, though she knew the answer. She missed it more than she’d realized she would. She missed being on the stage, feeling beautiful and graceful and like she’d found her greater purpose in life. She missed moving her body in ways that amazed even herself, missed the push and pull of exertion, the ache of her muscles, even the ways in which she’d cried in agony after a particularly grueling training. She missed everything. 

“Yes,” she said simply, nodding. “I miss it so much.”

He nodded, and she wondered if he truly understood. Had he felt the same way about skating? She thought of their years together, how much it had hurt to make the decision to give up the ice in favor of ballet, wondered how her life may have been different if she’d decided never to hang up her skates. 

“You probably know this,” he was saying, suddenly looking bashful, “but I had such a massive crush on you when we were little. I guess that’s probably no surprise.” 

“What?” She started, looking at him with raised eyebrows. She’d known, or at least suspected, but to hear it was something she’d never expected. “Oh, god, I was so awkward when I was a kid.”

He tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. 

“Not to me you weren’t,” he shook his head, his gaze never leaving her, “you were always beautiful to me. From seven all the way to twelve when you mysteriously disappeared from my life.”

She thought of the little girl she’d been, the way he’d never made her feel awkward despite her own misgivings. She thought of the freckles that peppered her skin, the way she’d spent so many years trying to find just the right makeup combination to disguise them, the way she still applied it liberally every morning before leaving the house. She thought of his strong, sturdy hands brushing her skin, his lips counting the freckles on her body, and wondered if she’d feel so self-conscious laid out before him. She made an effort to glance at his left hand, felt the sigh of relief leave her body as she noticed no wedding ring.

It was incredible, the way he made her feel despite the fact that, for all intents and purposes, he was a complete stranger. She hadn’t had a conversation with him, hadn’t so much as seen his face in over two decades, and yet somehow it felt as if no time at all had passed between them. 

She could have sat forever, she realized, but her eyes met the clock and the constraints on her time flashed in her mind. She needed to be on her way, hated to go, and wondered if she’d see him again. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” she said softly, straightening in her chair. He still watched her, as if she fascinated him. 

“You’re welcome,” he said with a simple smile. “It was really nice to see you again, kiddo.” 

How had he remembered that nickname after so many years? How had he recalled the term of affection that had once relayed so many more emotions than either of them had been capable of expressing at the time? 

She waited for him to say more, maybe to ask for her number, and she’d already decided she’d give it to him. She couldn’t risk not seeing him again, not after so many years and miles between them. But he didn’t ask, simply stood and offered her another hug before she began to walk away. 

She made it out of the Starbucks and into the mall, past the spot where they’d serendipitously bumped into one another before she was turning back. She caught him just as he was leaving the coffee shop, his eyes drawn to the cell phone in his hand. 

“Hey,” she greeted him once more, suddenly breathless, though not from physical exertion. “I forgot something.” 

“Oh?” He glanced behind them at the two chairs they’d occupied, new customers settling into the seats. “What?” 

Acting on a whim, she took the phone from his hand and swiped into his contacts, her fingers working quickly as she added her name and contact number before offering it back to him. 

“I forgot to give you my number,” she said boldly, and watched as he grinned. He took the phone from her, glanced down at the screen, and tapped on her name. She watched as her contact information filled the screen. 

Without a word, she turned and began to walk away once more. She managed to make it to her car despite the warmth that flushed her cheeks, the embarrassment that threatened to take hold of her and bring her to her knees in a moment of weakness. 

By the time she’d driven to her studio, she’d managed to calm her racing heart. She grabbed her gym bag from the backseat of her car, unlocked the glass front door and made her way to her office. Settling into a computer chair, she reached into her bag and pulled out her cell phone. There was a text from an unknown number, and she caught her breath. 

Hope against hope. It was foolish of her to think that he’d contact her so quickly, yet when she swiped on the screen and revealed the message, the words appeared. 

_Imagine running into you twenty-two years later, Tessa Virtue, and you’re still just as beautiful to me now as you were when I was fourteen years old._

** 

She tried to focus on the class rosters, tried not to think about the text message. She paid particularly close attention the students in her juvenile classes, school-aged and younger. It was so difficult to sometimes break the preschoolers of their anxieties regarding not being in the same room as parents, but it was necessary to put in place the standards she expected in class. 

She ran through the list of three and four-year-olds once more, her eyes darting over each name and checking it along with the number of currently enrolled students. There appeared to be one more student enrolled than was listed on her roster, and she spent the better part of fifteen minutes searching for the child’s name before realizing that there was less than thirty minutes before the students would begin to arrive. She would simply have to check each student in when they arrived and ensure that each child had been properly enrolled. 

She spent the remaining short span of time organizing the studio, creating name tags for each student. It was helpful for the first session, specifically for the younger children, who were sometimes too shy to even say their own names. Once again, she compared the names of the eight children to the class roster, that elusive ninth child mysteriously absent from her list. 

By the time children and their parents began to filter in, she was at the front door, holding it open to greet each family individually. She was able to easily match each child to their name, shaking the hands of mothers as their children either clung to their leg or bolted in front of them. 

“Let’s use our quiet feet!” Tessa reminded a young girl who had darted into the building, blowing past her mother. Tessa offered a consolatory smile to the young woman, an infant on her hip, turning to greet the next family as they reached the entrance. 

“Good afternoon! You-” She paused, her eyes falling upon the man in front of her. “Scott?” 

He grinned sheepishly, and she placed a flustered hand to her chest, glancing around. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I, uh,” he glanced behind him, but Tessa kept her gaze focused on him, “I got curious. I looked you up, I found your studio, and uh-”

“I was going to text you back,” she found herself saying suddenly, “but I told you I had a class tonight, and I’ve been busy getting things together. You didn’t have to just show up.” 

He blinked at her, confusion lining his features. 

“Oh, I didn’t.” He stepped aside, his hands lowering to his sides, one palm splaying over the back of a tiny girl, gently encouraging her to step in front of him. “Tessa, this is Lily. Liliana. She’s one of your new students.” 

Tessa’s eyebrows raised, her eyes slowly lowering to look at the little girl. She was tiny, watching Tessa with wide dark eyes from beneath a curtain of equally dark hair. 

“Uh,” Tessa blinked, laughing, looking back at Scott. “Hi, Liliana.” 

There was no point in asking; it was obvious. They had the same face shape, the same dark eyes. Her jaw was sharp like his. She peered at Tessa from beneath the wide brim of a Toronto Maple Leafs hat that was clearly too big for her head. 

She felt the breath leave her, felt the chill of betrayal rise in her chest. She tried to ignore him, reaching down for the little girl’s hand, offering hers in a gesture of greeting. The child didn’t move, her fingers instead curling tighter around Scott’s pant leg. 

“Um,” she glanced up at him, smoothing her own black leotard over her slender frame, “I’m sorry, I don’t have you on my class list.” She glanced up at Scott. “When did you enroll her?” 

It was nearly impossible to contain her anger and betrayal, to speak to him like he was a normal parent enrolling his child, not the man with whom she’d just spent the afternoon flirting. Giving her false hope, making her believe that they’d stupidly be able to pick up where they left off two decades ago. 

“Oh, I just registered her,” he grinned, but she saw the guilt in his eyes. “I printed the registration packet, just in case.” He reached into his pocket and unfolded the familiar papers. She glanced briefly at it, her eyes scanning over the name. 

_Liliana Moir_. The mysterious ninth child. 

“Okay,” she breathed after a moment, “just come in.” She pushed the door open wider and Scott shuffled inside, guiding the child inside. She paused near the front door and Tessa looked back to them. 

“Does she have dancewear?” She wondered. Scott nudged the little girl, and when she made no effort to move, he tugged gently at her blue jacket. It fell open to reveal a pink leotard with white tights beneath. Tessa nodded, steadying her breath. 

It wasn’t Liliana’s fault, she decided. The child had no say over her father’s actions, no control over the fact that he’d spent the afternoon flirting with her future ballet teacher. She forced a smile at the little girl, who was watching her again wordlessly. She knelt before the child, meeting her eyes. 

“How old are you, Liliana?” 

Liliana stared at her, unspeaking. Tessa looked up at Scott expectantly. 

“She’s shy,” he offered, sounding somewhat shy himself. She could only wonder why. “But she’s three.” 

Tessa pushed herself to her feet, swallowing hard. The studio was bustling with clients, with excited children who were waiting impatiently for her to call them onto the dance floor, and she turned toward Scott suddenly. 

“I’ll talk to you after class,” she hissed at him before turning toward the rest of the clients with a perfect, proper smile upon her painted lips. 

She gathered the children onto the dance floor, arranging them in a semi-circle and smiling patiently as she took the hands of teary preschoolers who had likely never been separated from their parents. 

She sat on the floor in front of them, encouraging them to fold their legs in front of them and press the soles of their feet together in a simple stretch that resembled a butterfly’s wings. She fluttered her knees as she spoke to them, smiling as she asked their favorite animals, colors, thing to do. 

Liliana complied, her legs easily folding in front of her, but her eyes remained on the glass window that separated the dance floor from the waiting room, undoubtedly searching for Scott through the one-way mirror. Tessa watched, her eyes focused so intently on the girl’s tiny face, searching the similarities in Scott’s. She noticed, too late, that Liliana still wore the baseball cap, her dark hair likely pulled into a bun or high ponytail beneath it. Tessa frowned to herself. She’d been so taken aback by her sudden appearance that she hadn’t even thought of telling the little girl to remove it.

She thought of the way Scott had hugged her, the way his hands had lingered on her, the way she’d foolishly rushed back into the Starbucks to put her number in his phone, so naively believing there was something between them. She’d felt it when he’d looked at her, the way his eyes had never left hers as she spoke, the way she’d felt so important and somehow significant in his presence. 

And when she’d rushed back to him and he’d been on his phone, had he been composing a message to Liliana’s mother? Informing her that he’d run into an old friend and stopped for coffee, but that he’d be home shortly? Or maybe he’d taken a different route; maybe he’d lied about why he was running late, giving an alternative story to cover for the fact that he’d gotten Tessa’s number. 

The more she thought about it, the more distracted she became. She cursed him in her mind, hating him already for the false hope he’d given her, the way he’d made her feel only to humiliate her like this. She thought of what she might say to him after class, maybe demand that he remove his daughter from the class. 

But as she watched the little girl, so quiet and seemingly unsure in her tiny pink tutu and too-big baseball cap, she began to doubt herself. The other children were laughing and responding to her questions, calling out without hesitation, and Liliana sat quietly in her spot on the floor, rarely meeting Tessa’s eyes and looking away when she did. 

By the time class was over, she’d decided that it wasn’t right to remove Liliana from the class because of Scott’s selfish behavior. When she dismissed the children, they scattered back into the waiting room, laughing and leaping on the tips of their toes. Liliana stood quietly and walked back to the waiting room, and Tessa watched as Scott helped her slip into her jacket. 

“Don’t leave,” she said to him quietly before greeting the other parents, thanking them for their enrollment and encouraging them to have the children practice their newly-learned skills at home. As they began to filter out, the building growing quiet in the absence of the children and their parents, Tessa approached Scott, her eyes dark. He was kneeling on the floor beside Liliana speaking to her softly.

He glanced up, watching her approach, and rose to his feet. He looked back at her, not nearly as sheepish as she imagined he would appear at this point. 

“I don’t appreciate what you did today,” she said, her voice harsh before glancing down at Liliana, who was still watching her with those impossibly large eyes. She lowered her voice and stepped closer to him. “You put me in a very difficult position.” 

He glanced away from her guiltily, tugging gently on Liliana’s hand. 

“Hey, Lily. Why don’t you go over there and color for a minute while I talk to your teacher?” He nodded toward a small corner furnished with a child-size table and a variety of art supplies. She glanced up at him before wordlessly walking over to the corner and taking a seat at the table. 

They watched her quietly for a moment, and when Scott spoke again, his voice was quiet. 

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her. I didn’t think I was going to see you again. And then when you came back and you put your number in my phone, I thought… I don’t know, maybe that you saw her picture on my screen, and you’d put the pieces together.” He glanced toward Liliana before looking back to Tessa. “I didn’t do anything to deceive you or _put you in a difficult situation_ , Tessa.” 

“You shouldn’t have bought me a coffee,” she was saying, “I shouldn’t have met you like that for a coffee date, and I wouldn’t have if I’d known-”

“Wait,” he interrupted her, smiling now, “who said it was a date?” 

She growled at him, placing her hands on her slender hips. She’d spent the majority of her life in a leotard, it was the single piece of clothing in which she normally felt most comfortable, but she suddenly felt exposed and embarrassed at the idea of standing here with him. She crossed the room, reaching for her shawl and pulling it over her shoulders, hugging herself. 

“You bought me coffee,” she repeated, her voice sharp. “And I gave you my phone number. I was interested in you. I would never have done that if I’d known you were married.” 

He coughed in surprise, his eyes going wide. Liliana looked toward them, studying Scott. 

“Married?” He nearly choked on the word, his voice quieter after the initial outburst. “I’m not married. You think I’m trying to cheat on my wife with you?” 

“In a relationship, then,” Tessa spat at him, “same difference, Scott Moir. You-” 

“Actually,” he cut her off as she attempted to go on, “my ex-wife isn’t in the picture. It’s just me and Lily. She was with my mom this afternoon when I ran to the mall.” 

She felt the surprise on her own face, felt the flush of shame and guilt as he took a step toward her. 

“Look, I get it. We haven’t seen each other in over two decades. You don’t know me, at least not anymore, but I’d think you owe me at least the benefit of the doubt before you accuse me of trying to have an affair.”

She took a step back from him, suddenly speechless. He could still be lying of course, but the pain in his eyes made her believe him. For the first time since she’d seen him that afternoon, he frowned at her. 

“If you want me to take Lily out of your class, I will, but I don’t appreciate being called an adulterer when you don’t even know half of the story, much less all of it.” He looked toward Liliana, his face softening as he met her gaze. “Come on, baby, are you ready to go have dinner?” 

The little girl slipped from her chair and came to stand beside him silently. She slipped her hand into his and he turned, beginning to walk away. Tessa took a step forward. 

“Scott,” she called his name, her slender fingers poised in the air as if she could reach out to touch him. “Wait. I’m sorry.” 

He turned back to her after a moment, still holding his daughter’s hand. 

“I judged you too quickly,” she finally spoke. “I didn’t… I just assumed…” 

His face softened, the frown fading into a tired smile. 

“Yeah, I get it.” 

She glanced down at Liliana before looking back up to him. 

“You don’t have to take her out of the class,” she acquiesced, shaking her head. “Not unless you want to.” 

Scott glanced down at Liliana, who averted her eyes from Tessa to her father. There was a moment between them that Tessa suddenly envied, a moment that oddly enough reminded her of their time together on the ice, when no one else in the world existed but the two of them. It was a bond that Tessa hadn’t known since that time, not even with the men she’d danced with since.

“We’ll be here next week,” Scott said finally, tugging gently on Liliana’s hand. “Have a good week, Tessa.”

She stood, watching as they made their way to the front entrance, the little girl walking alongside him before throwing a backward glance to Tessa. She blinked, her large dark eyes curious. When they’d reached the door, Scott paused and turned back to face her. 

“If you want a date, I’ll give you a date,” he said suddenly and nonchalantly, his voice once again flirtatious and playful. “After two decades of pining over me, I think you deserve more than just a black coffee.”

Tessa felt the blush rise in her cheeks. Her initial response was to curse at him, but she glanced once more at Liliana before sighing and drawing her shawl tighter to her. 

“You’re one of my parents now,” Tessa cautioned him. “I have a strict no-dating policy.” 

Scott watched her for a moment, and she saw the flash of mischief in his eyes, the one she recognized even after so many years apart. 

“There are exceptions to every rule,” he said simply, “I think even you know that.” 

He pushed out the front door and Tessa followed behind him in a rush, glaring at him as she turned the lock behind him. 

He’d been in her life again for less than eight hours, and already he’d turned her world upside down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you're traumatized from the last chapter of my other story, I promise to offset the angst with lots of fluff here! Enjoy!

_Tessa is seven-years-old the first time she meets Scott Moir. She is introduced to him at the ice rink and practically shoved into his arms, her tiny frame colliding with his, mumbling an apology when she nearly falls against him. He catches her, and it is indicative of their relationship for the next five years, his arms continuously finding her and supporting her when she doesn’t have enough strength to carry herself._

_“Hi,” he is the first to break the awkward silence between them, offering her his gloved fingers in a clumsy handshake. “I’m Scott, I guess.”_

_She wrinkles her nose at him, glancing toward their parents and coach before looking back to him._

_“You guess you’re Scott?”_

_He blinks at her, confused, shaking his head._

_“No, I am Scott. I just figured you knew that already. Mom and Aunt Carol have been talking about you non-stop, so I guess you already knew my name.” He shrugs. “And you’re Tessa.”_

_“Tessa Jane Virtue,” she corrects him, because it is very important that he knows her full name. From the way Mom has been talking, they’re going to be spending a lot of time together, and it’s better if he knows right away what she’s about. “I’m seven and I don’t like boys.”_

_He seems to consider her for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows at her._

_“Well I’m nine and I don’t like girls,” he says in response, then grins, “but I like you.”_

_It is the first time in her short life that she’s left speechless by a boy._  
  
*  
It had been four days since she bumped into him at the mall, ninety-six hours since he’d stumbled back into her life, and she’d spent nearly every moment thinking of him. When she greeted her students, performed pliés and grand jetés, corrected the form of pointed toes and arms, she thought of him. 

He was driving her crazy, she realized as she locked up the studio on Saturday afternoon, and she intended to text him and tell him that while she was happy to keep Liliana in her class, maybe it would be for the best if they made it a point not to speak beyond formal greetings and necessary informational exchanges. Once she reached into her purse for her phone, however, she saw that he had already sent her a message, and she was somehow certain it wasn’t a suggestion that they keep things as platonic as humanly possible. 

_If you happen to eat dinner on Saturday evenings, I’d like you to join me. Lily’s with my mom and I can’t imagine you’d want to stand up the guy you haven’t seen in over two decades._

Tessa smirked at the words despite herself. She knew how she should respond. She knew that she should say something simple, like, _I’ll see you at class on Tuesday, Mr. Moir._ But as her fingers began to type, the words appeared on the screen before they even registered in her mind. 

_I don’t typically meet my parents for dinner_ , she responded, _what makes you so special?_

She waited for his response, grinning to herself as she received a notification. 

_I think we both know what makes me so special._

She felt a flush of attraction and shame, chewing on her lower lip as she typed her response. 

_You talk a big game, Mr. Moir, but how am I supposed to trust your judgement? We haven’t been together for more than a few hours since I was twelve._

She was taking a chance, she knew; she was leaving a door open for his invitation, because in the back of her mind, she wanted to see him again. She wasn’t sure, despite her reservations, if she could make it to Tuesday evening before she spoke with him again. She’d spent the past five years building a professional image, and it had only taken two hours with him to turn her back into the awkward pre-teen she’d been when she’d last seen him. 

_Fair enough,_ he responded a moment later, and she wondered if he was sitting by his phone as well, awaiting her response. _Then I guess you have two choices: you can meet me for dinner tonight and allow me to prove it to you or we can both spend the night alone._

Tessa felt the way her breath came heavier suddenly, the way her heart raced in her chest. She had to be careful, she realized; if she pushed too much, there was a possibility that he’d lose interest and believe her refusals and leave it alone. She’d already taken the lead once when she’d given him her phone number in the mall. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to conjure up the nerve to chase him down once more. 

_What makes you think I’ll be spending the night alone?_ She sent back, and then held her breath. It took a moment for him to respond. 

_Because if you had plans, you would have shut me down a long time ago._

She felt a growl rising in the back of her throat, rolled her eyes at the screen of her phone before typing her final response. 

_Meet me at Abruzzi at seven o’clock._

Tessa had spent her entire life on a strict schedule and there wasn’t an occasion in recent memory in which she could recall arriving after the time she’d announced she’d show up. 

But as she began to tidy up her studio in preparation to go home and prepare, she’d already decided to be fashionably late. 

*

By the time she arrived to the restaurant, it was seven-fifteen. She stepped in, looking for him without attempting to make it look like she was searching for someone. She spotted him near the back at a table for two, reading something on his phone. She hesitated for only a moment before making her way to him, pausing as she reached the table. 

He glanced up expectantly, a smile slipping across his face as he stood to greet her. She watched as his eyes glanced over her, feeling the same rush of pride she’d felt when he’d looked at her that day in the mall. 

She’d chosen a black dress with a slit up her thigh, foregoing any pantyhose or tights. She liked the contrast of the dark fabric against her milky white skin, and as Scott’s eyes traced down her body, she could only assume he felt the same way. Her dark hair was pulled into a low, sleek ponytail and it hung down to the middle of her back.

She allowed him to slip an arm around her waist and place a chaste kiss on her cheek before he was pulling her seat out, inviting her to sit across from him. She did so, smiling up at the waiter as he placed a wine glass before her. She ordered a Chardonnay and then turned to face Scott. 

“I have to admit,” he said, shifting back into his seat, tilting his head at her a little, “I didn’t think you were going to show up.” 

Tessa narrowed her eyes at him, her lips curling into a smile. 

“Well then that shows how little you actually know about me, Scott Moir, because when I give my word, I keep it.” 

It felt good to knock him off his pedestal, watch the way he appeared to stutter against her words, scramble to get his footing back, to keep the ball in his court. 

“All that means, Tess, is that we need to spend more time together.” 

The confidence on his face made her frown. He seemed to sense the falter in her self-righteousness and laughed. 

The waiter placed a glass of Chardonnay before her and she lifted it to her lips, taking a small sip before placing it back on the table. She glanced at the menu momentarily, feeling his eyes on her, and finally raised her gaze to his. 

“I just wanted to meet you tonight to tell you that it’s not appropriate for us to carry on anything but strictly professional relationship now that Liliana is in my class,” she said the words slowly, determined to make herself appear formal and distant. “I’m meeting you tonight as your child’s ballet instructor, not as a date.” 

If she said the words enough, she might even believe them herself. 

Scott studied her for a moment, his eyes tracing the deep v of her dress’s neckline, the way her cleavage curved beneath the cut of the fabric. 

“Oh,” he said softly, “so is this how you dress to meet with middle-aged mothers, too?” 

His hand had drifted to the straw in his ice water, stirring it absentmindedly as he studied her. 

Tessa scoffed, but she felt the blush rise in her cheeks and knew that the fair skin of her chest would betray her, knew that her freckles would begin to show and she wouldn’t be able to disguise the flush of embarrassment. 

“Anyway,” he said after a moment, drawing his eyes away from her with difficulty, “you’re the one who keeps calling our meet-ups a date. I simply asked you to join me for dinner.” 

“Oh?” Tessa blinked at him, shaking her head, “Then what exactly would you call it?” 

“I’d call it a reunion of old friends,” he said, smiling, and despite herself, she felt the smirk creep onto her face. She averted her eyes from his, determined to look anywhere but into those hazel eyes, anything to keep her from falling faster. 

After the waiter had taken their orders and their menus, Tessa folded her forearms gracefully on the white tablecloth, meeting his eyes. 

“So tell me about Liliana,” she invited him. He had been watching her with a self-satisfied smirk, his eyes dancing with a mixture of desire and confidence, but when she mentioned his daughter’s name, she saw the change in his posture. He became less sure of himself and somehow more confident in the same moment, the smirk transitioning into a contented smile that reached his eyes. 

“She hates that name,” he told her, smiling, “and once she decides to speak to you, she’ll tell you that herself.” 

Tessa smiled at him. 

“She’s funny. I know you can’t possibly know that, but she’s hilarious. She’s such a great kid. She’s got a great personality and her jokes are ridiculous. She says all of her R’s as W’s. Her preschool teacher says if it’s not better by the end of the year I should look into getting her speech therapy, but honestly, I think it’s adorable.”  
The way he gushed as he spoke about her, the way he seemed to rattle on without even realizing the love and affection in his voice, Tessa felt an affection that she’d never known. 

“What’s up with the Maple Leafs hat?” She asked suddenly, thinking of the oversized cap that had kept her from being able to completely see the little girl’s face at practice. “I usually don’t allow my students headwear while in the studio.” 

He smiled gently, then, and she noticed the definitive change in his self-confidence. He appeared to shrink into himself, his dark eyes suddenly seemed tired, worn. Almost immediately, she regretted asking. 

“It’s like a security blanket,” he said slowly, blinking up at her. “She found it in my closet and started wearing it around the time my ex-wife and I finalized our divorce. I was in a pretty bad place at the time and I told her that as long as she had that hat, I would be with her, that she would be safe. Almost like if she can’t see you, she doesn’t think you can see her. I guess it was a mistake, because now I can’t get her to take the damn thing off.” He met Tessa’s eyes, smiled. “That’s the stuff they don’t tell you about parenting.” 

Tessa forced a smile, her heart aching suddenly at the thought of little Liliana crouched beneath the baseball cap, eyes locked on Scott as she folded her legs on the studio floor. 

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly, shaking her head slightly. “I didn’t realize.”

Scott shrugged, offered her a weak smile, though it looked anything but sincere. 

“It’s over with now. I took it hard, but Lily took it harder. She just kind of… crawled into her shell when her mom left and hasn’t come back out.” 

Tessa sighed, meeting his eyes. 

“How long has it been?” 

“Eight months since the divorce finalized,” he responded, “ten since she physically left. But she was gone long before that.” 

She realized suddenly that this was not the Scott she had encountered in the mall, the one who had appeared at her studio a few days ago, so full of confidence and pride. This was not the man who had sent her those texts, had flirted shamelessly with her in her own studio. It was like looking at Lily again, seeing a shell of a person and not knowing how to help him. 

Tessa was terrible with relationships. She’d once managed to make it last eleven months with a guy she’d met in her early-twenties, and they’d only managed to stay together so long because she’d been touring at the time and they’d spent most of that time on opposite sides of the world. It was fairly easy to claim loyalty to someone when your relationship merely consisted of speaking on the phone every few days.

She’d once had a friend come to her seeking relationship advice. Tessa had hesitantly given her opinion. The woman’s boyfriend had broken up with her and she and her friend hadn’t spoken since. She was by no means a relationship guru. 

There was a silence between them, Scott’s eyes downcast, studying the white linen tablecloth. She knew she should say something; it was human nature to want to comfort another person when they felt pain, it just didn’t come easily to her.

“It’s really unfair that someone could do that to another person,” she finally heard herself say, and Scott’s eyes rose to meet hers. “To their husband, to their child. I’m sorry.”  
And despite the fact that she felt absolutely powerless in the moment, she saw the corner of his mouth turn up into a soft smile. 

“You’re right,” he nodded after a moment. “It’s not fair, but it’s over. On to bigger and better things, I guess.” 

She returned his smile, felt the confidence returning to his gaze, and tried to convince herself that the empathy she felt for him was something anyone would experience. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was attracted to him, that she suddenly ached at the fact that anyone would toss him and Liliana away like pieces of garbage. 

“Speaking of bigger and better things,” he said again, and the cocky edge had returned to his voice. She searched his face, narrowing her eyes. “I recently came upon a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I need a woman’s advice. Do you think you could help me out?” 

Tessa watched him uncertainly. 

“What is this regarding?” She wondered. 

“Well,” he began slowly, pausing and smiling up at the waiter as he presented their entrees to them. Scott thanked him as he placed the dishes on the table, taking a brief moment to consider his food before glancing back up at Tessa. “I met this woman a few days ago. Technically, re-met her. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since.” 

“Oh?” Tessa arched an eyebrow at him, eyes narrowing. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “and she’s out of my league. I mean… _way_ out of my league, but I like her, and the funny part is, I kinda think she likes me, too.” 

Tessa picked up her fork and pierced a stalk of asparagus, bringing it to her lips and chewing thoughtfully as he spoke. 

“Okay,” she said after she’d swallowed, “so what’s the problem?” 

A confident smirk pressed across his lips. 

“Well, there are a few problems,” he admitted, oblivious to the dish in front of him, leaning onto his forearms. “The first one is that she’s a strict professional, refuses to date me until my kid isn’t a student of hers. The problem is, my kid hasn’t shown excitement about pretty much anything in six months, and now I can’t get her to stop doing pirouettes in my living room.” 

Tessa turned her face slightly to hide the grin that crept onto her lips. Still, she felt the flush rising in her cheeks. 

“Oh,” she said seriously, shaking her head. “That does sound like a problem.” 

“Problem two,” he continued, watching her, “is that when I’m in front of her, I turn into this babbling fool and I can’t think about anything but what it might be like to kiss her.” 

Tessa exhaled audibly, lowering her eyes to her plate and pushing the food around before finding her voice and mumbling a response. 

“That would definitely be an issue regarding the professionalism.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed, his eyes still upon her. “But my biggest problem is that I have no idea how I’m supposed to leave this restaurant tonight without her.”

Tessa’s fork scraped on her plate. She felt her blood run cold for a moment, then white-hot with the desire she suddenly felt for him. God, he was charming and so handsome. Somehow he knew exactly what to say, exactly how to make her feel like she was twelve-years-old again and in love for the first time. 

“Well,” she said softly, when she’d finally found her voice once more, “maybe you should just tell her how you feel. Ask her. Maybe you’ll be surprised by her answer.”

With a sudden boost of confidence, her lips curling into a seductive smile, she met his eyes. 

He was focused solely on her, the food in front of him long forgotten. His fingers curled against the tablecloth, eyes dark with desire. 

“Okay.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips, narrowing his eyes at her. “You know how attracted I am to you. You feel the same way, don’t you?”

His tone was heavy, his voice full of lust. She recognized the look in his eyes. It was like looking into a mirror, seeing in him what she felt within herself, knowing that he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. 

“Oh, me?” She feigned ignorance suddenly, her eyebrows going up in pretend surprise. “No.”

The comical fall of his face nearly caused her to drop the façade, the way his lips parted in shock and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He appeared angry for the briefest of moments before Tessa realized it was merely frustration on his behalf. 

“But you… what about that stuff you just said?” 

“Oh, please,” she shrugged, forcing herself to focus on spearing another piece of asparagus, watching as the sharp tines of the fork appeared on the other side. “That garbage doesn’t work on me. Do you know how many men have tried to get into my pants?” 

Jesus, she was trying so hard. She was saying all the right words, but the warmth of her flesh had to be giving her away. She could feel the pink creeping up her chest, into her neck and spreading over her cheeks. The tips of her ears were hot with a mixture of embarrassment and desire.

He was stunned into silence momentarily, glaring at her as she chewed and swallowed, focusing only on the racing of her own heart. He picked up his own fork and took a few bites of his meal, eyes still watching her. He looked thoughtful now, and then suddenly he smirked. 

“Wait a minute,” he said, lowering his fork. “You’re lying.” 

She pretended to be offended, furrowing her eyebrows at him. 

“No I’m not.” 

“Yes you are,” he countered her, “I may not remember much about you, Tessa, but I do remember that you’re a terrible liar when you’re embarrassed.” 

_Shit._

“When you were eight, you told me an entire story about not remembering your skates for practice because Janie Truman made you laugh so hard you peed your pants,” he accused suddenly, “you wouldn’t even leave the washroom.” 

She flushed maroon suddenly, the memory rushing back to her. He’d been ten-years-old, speaking to her through the washroom door. She thought she’d told the story well, explaining that she couldn’t come out to skate with him because Jordan had taken her skates from her bag in a prank and had forgotten to replace them. She’d crouched into the bathroom until she’d been sure he’d left and then called her mom, begging her to bring some fresh clothes. 

When she’d encountered Scott in the lobby of the arena, she’d flushed bright red. 

“You’re a terrible liar,” he repeated, “and you’re lying to me now.”

Tessa averted her gaze, tried to ignore the heat in her face, and shrugged.

*

_The night of the Ilderton carnival, the sky looks like cotton candy and her fingers are sticky with it. They’ve been riding the Tilt-a-Whirl and the bumper cars and Tessa’s sure that if she spins in a circle one more time, she’s going to throw up._

_Scott convinces her to get on the Ferris Wheel despite the dizziness in her brain and they squeal and laugh as they rise and fall in the safety of the little cars, their stomachs jumping into their throats each time the gondola descends._

_At one point, the car stops at its highest point, teetering precariously at the top of the wheel. Tessa has never feared heights, but the sight of their little town so far beneath them suddenly makes her nervous, and without realizing it, she scoots closer to him, her fingers gripping the safety bars anxiously._

_He doesn’t acknowledge her movement, at least not with words, but his hand moves slowly to cover hers, and suddenly her fear is replaced by a flutter in her stomach that not even the Tilt-a-whirl, at its speediest rotation, can replicate._

_They don’t speak again, not until the car has lowered them to safety and they stumble off of the ride, Tessa thankful to be on solid ground once more. She turns to look at him, maybe to thank him for getting her through the ride, maybe to tell him that she should probably go find Jordan before she realizes she’s missing, but Scott’s still holding her hand and pulls her along with him as they’re moved by the motion of the crowd._

_Somehow, they end up behind the ride itself, Tessa’s large green eyes watching as the lights of the ride flicker on and it spins endlessly, new passengers crying out in glee. She thinks again of that moment at the top of the wheel, the way his hand found hers so effortlessly, and she looks toward him._

_He’s already watching her, she realizes, and it causes her to flush all the way from her chest to the tips of her ears. She feels shy suddenly but then he smiles at her and she remembers why he’s her best friend, because he brings her comfort even when she’s at her most unsure._

_“You look really pretty,” he says suddenly, and though they’re just children, she suddenly feels so much older. Though he’s her first crush, the first boy that’s ever made her heart skip a beat, she feels like she’s loved him forever, like if he got down on one knee and gave her a ring from a bubble-gum machine she’d marry him just to hold his hand for the rest of her life._

_“Thanks,” she tries to say, but her voice is quiet and she isn’t sure if he hears her at all. Part of her wants to turn away, to suggest they race to the rickety roller coaster that neither of them are brave enough to ride (even though Scott won’t admit it) and another part of her never wants this moment to end._

_She doesn’t know what to say in this moment (“so do you”?) so she doesn’t say anything and instead just smiles at him. He’s looking so deeply at her that she can almost see herself in his eyes. If she were older, she might wonder if she will ever find anyone who will look at her this way again, but right now she’s only eight years old and he is her whole world. No future matters if that future doesn’t involve Scott Moir._

_“Can I kiss you?” He asks, and she’s taken aback not only by his boldness (he has trouble meeting her eyes on the ice during their routines) but also because she’s never had anyone ask her anything so personal, especially not Scott and especially not about kissing._

_She swallows hard and thinks about what to say, but nothing sounds right, so she simply shrugs and smiles._

_“Okay.”_

_And then he’s leaning forward, pressing his soft lips to hers, and she swears to god that someone, somewhere, just set off a firework, but it’s just in her head, in her heart, in her body. It’s just the feel of Scott’s lips against hers and the taste of her first love and cotton candy in the warm evening air and it’s the most magical thing she’s ever experienced._

*

They barely made it through the front door of his house before she pushed him against the wall, her lips finding his like he’s a glass of water and she’s nearly dead from dehydration.

They’d somehow managed to make it through the rest of dinner, a palpable sexual tension in the air between them. They’d ended up at his place, and there was no point in pretending that both of them hadn’t wanted this form the onset. 

After she’s pressed her body against his, tongue slipping into his mouth in a kiss that is nothing like the one they shared twenty-five years ago, she notices the framed photograph beside his head. She pulls away from him just long enough to see that it is of a grinning Liliana, undoubtedly a school picture, dark hair and eyes offset by the trademark sky-blue background. 

Tessa took him by the hand, leading him away from the photograph and into the living room, pushing him onto the couch and not hesitating for a moment before straddling his lap, her knees digging into the leather cushions. 

It had been so long since she’d been with someone, she realized, that she forgot how good it felt. The desire stirred in her belly and between her legs and she rocked her hips against him, no longer pretending not to want him. Her desire was obvious, and, due to her current positioning, so was his. 

She placed her hands on either side of his face, holding his head as she leaned in and caught his lips again. They kissed until their lips were red and swollen, until she found it necessary to pull away and take a breath, his thumbs stroking her hips as she moved atop him. 

“Tessa,” he whispered her name and she grinned against his mouth, catching his mouth once more, drawing his lower lip between her teeth and tugging lightly. She heard him groan and smirked, her fingers working their way into the dark strands of his hair. “Tess.” 

“Mmm,” she returned simply, her lips leaving his only long enough to brush wet kisses over the skin on his jaw and neck, sucking until she felt the capillaries burst beneath her lips. He groaned once more, fingers digging into her hips at the sharp sting. 

“Tessa,” he said her name once more and she sighed, pulling back, swollen lips parted. 

“What?” 

“Don’t you think this is…” he glanced down at his hand, positioned carefully on her hip, fingers stroking the black fabric of her dress. “Do you think we’re moving too fast?” 

Tessa watched him breathlessly, furrowing her eyebrows and rocking against him once more, causing him to inhale sharply. Her fingers moved to his shoulders, her nails making half-moons in the fabric of his shirt. Her mouth was at his ear, breath hot against his skin. 

“I want you, Scott,” her voice was low, deep, and she grinned against his skin. She could feel him beneath her. “Don’t you want me?” 

“Fuck,” she heard him gasp beneath her and she chuckled softly, her lips already resuming their path along his skin, his fingers skimming her spine. She could hear his heavy breaths, could feel the way he rose and fell against the wave of her body, but then his hand was once again on her hip, ceasing her motions, causing her to pull away from him. 

“Of course I want you,” he breathed when he’d successfully torn her lips from his skin, “but I don’t think this is you.” 

Tessa sat back, panting, looking at him. 

“What does that mean?” 

She could see the regret in his eyes, the desire lacing his features. 

“It means that I don’t think this is typical of you, Tess,” he finally answered, pain evident in his voice. “From what you’ve told me about your life, I don’t think you do this with guys you’ve just met.”

His arrogance suddenly bothered her, the fact that he was so certain of the type of person she was. 

“We didn’t just meet,” she hissed at him, swinging her leg over his lap and scurrying away from him. 

“No,” he agreed, “not in that way, but you were right when you said I didn’t know you well enough. I don’t even know your favorite color, your favorite animal… the only reason I know your coffee order is because of the date at Starbucks.” 

Despite the arousal pooling between her legs and the frustration of being so suddenly denied what she desired, she couldn’t help but to smirk at him. 

“Oh, so now it’s a date, huh?” 

He rolled his eyes at her, hesitating for only a moment before moving from the couch, reaching to take her hand. She studied his outstretched hand before stepping toward him and allowing him to take her fingers. 

“My point is, I do want you, Tessa. More than you could possibly know. But both of us have changed so much in the past two decades and, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think either of us are looking for an awkward one-night-stand.” 

His eyes were sincere, his face kind, and she allowed her head to dip in a slight nod before he continued. 

“I have to think about Liliana, and I know how important your reputation is. If this got out…” his words faded and she nodded, understanding his implication. 

“Okay,” she agreed after a moment, “so we’ll take this slow.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “How slow are we talking exactly?”

He smiled at her, taking a step closer. 

“Slow like I’m Scott and you’re Tessa, and we have twenty years of getting to know each other to catch up on.” 

Her eyes were drawn to their hands, fingers laced together. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mmhmm,” he grinned at her, curling his fingers around hers. 

Tessa pressed herself onto her toes, catching his lips in a gentle kiss. She lingered for a moment too long, hesitant to pull herself away, and then smiled up at him. 

“Slow like that?” 

She heard him sigh, his eyes fluttering open to study her. 

“That’s one way of catching up.” 

She grinned, laughed, and kissed him again. 

“I think you’re right,” she reached up to trace her fingers over his lips, her eyes locked onto his. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”


	3. Chapter 3

It would have been untruthful for Tessa to say that by Tuesday evening she wasn’t impatiently awaiting Scott’s arrival at the studio. She’d woken up on Sunday morning in her own bed, remembered catching a taxi from his home, and felt a mixture of shame and arousal at the memories of the night before. She’d insisted on catching a cab, knowing that if she allowed him to drive her home, she’d ask him to come inside. And she wasn’t sure she had enough self-discipline, despite the years of training she’d endured, to let him resist her twice.

He had been right of course; she didn’t normally act that way with a stranger, but as she’d pointed out to him, he wasn’t a stranger, at least not really. He was as familiar to her as the back of her hand, something that had always been there, whether or not his memory had floated just out of her vision. 

Their eyes met only briefly as he entered the studio among the group of other parents. She allowed her lips to curl into the slightest smile, hoping that he understood the message she was attempting to send to him: I want you, even if I know I shouldn’t. The smirk on his lips relayed the same. 

Tessa guided the children onto the studio floor, her fingertips brushing the tips of their shoulder blades as she helped them find their spots on the floor. 

Liliana hovered near the edge of the floor, toeing the floor with the edge of her ballet slipper. Tessa paused for just a moment before crouching before her, catching the tiny girl’s hands within her own. 

“Liliana,” she said her name slowly, drawing the child’s eyes up to her, the Maple Leaf’s cap still positioned haphazardly on her head. “I really like your hat.” 

Liliana regarded her silently, her pale pink lips forming the tiniest smile. Tessa returned it, winking at the child before turning her attention to the whole of the class. 

“Children,” she gathered the children into a circle once more, positioning each of them with their legs bent, feet pressed together in preparation for their stretches. “I’m curious who of you remember my name from last week.” 

She glanced around the circle, each set of wide eyes glancing away from her as she studied them. After a moment, she heard a tiny voice. 

“Miss Virtue,” one of the girls said, and Tessa looked from child to child, pausing on Liliana, who was now watching her with guarded curiosity. 

“That’s right, Liliana,” Tessa smiled at her once more, “my name is Miss Virtue. That’s very good.” 

She wondered if the little girl was simply that astute, or if Scott had spent the past few days drilling the name into his daughter’s head. 

“Now, does anyone remember where-”

“My name is Lily,” the little girl said after a moment, her voice louder now, interrupting Tessa’s follow up question. 

“Excuse me?” Tessa glanced toward her, eyebrows raised in surprise. The voice was so sure, so confident, that Tessa was surprised the tiny little girl had said the words. 

“I don’t like Liliana,” Lily said after a moment, glancing around the circle before settling once more on Tessa’s eyes. “My name is Lily. But sometimes, my daddy calls me Lily Jane.” 

Tessa blinked at her, lips parting in surprise, and then, before she even had a chance to stop herself: 

“My middle name is Jane, too.” 

Lily smiled, apparently pleased with that, and pulled her legs beneath her, finally averting her eyes from Tessa. It was only after the little girl had glanced away from her that Tessa found her breath. 

It was a coincidence, of course; it had to be. There was no way that Scott had remembered her middle name after so many years, and even if he had, it wasn’t the reason he gave the name to his daughter. Likely, Scott wasn’t the one who had named her at all. He probably didn’t even realize that Lily and Tessa shared a middle name, at least until they’d run into each other last week. 

“I want to tell you all something exciting,” Tessa spoke after a moment, realizing suddenly how breathless she felt. “At the end of the ballet season, we’ll be performing in a recital for all of our family and friends.”

At her words, several of the children began to cheer, but Lily tilted her head and glanced at Tessa. 

“What’s a recital?” She asked, and Tessa tried to suppress the smile that threatened her professional demeanor. Scott had been right, she realized, about substituting the letter w for r: _what’s a wecital_? And damnit, it was just as cute as he’d said. 

“A recital,” Tessa stressed the word clearly, “is like a big performance… a show. You wear your fanciest costume and your biggest smile and everyone comes to watch you.”

“Who comes to watch?” Another child asked, meeting Tessa’s eyes. 

“Mostly your parents,” Tessa smiled at her, “Moms and Dads. Grandmothers and grandfathers.”

Reflexively, she met Lily’s eyes. The child glanced away from her, a frown worrying onto her face. Tessa paused for a moment, forcing her eyes away from the child. Yes, she was Scott’s daughter, but she was only one of nine in the class and she couldn’t play favorites.

Tessa carried the rest of the class with a determination not to focus on Lily, but each time she met the little girl’s eyes, she was watching her. Dimples pressed into her cheeks when she smiled. It was hard not to fall in love with her. 

When she had dismissed class, Tessa watched as the children rushed back into the lobby to greet their parents, pink and black leotards in a blur. She began to move toward the lobby, following her students, when she noticed Lily perched in her spot on the floor, watching her with wide eyes. 

“Lily?” Tessa spoke her name, instinctively reaching for her hand, “Let’s go get your daddy.”

She paused beside the little girl, watching her with a smile, until she realized that her dark eyes were wet with tears. Worry bloomed in the pit of Tessa’s stomach and she crouched down before her, taking her hands. 

“Lily, what’s wrong?” 

Lily sniffled loudly, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hands. 

“You said… at the recital…” she stammered through the words, her lower lip trembling as she spoke, “that mommies and daddies had to come, but…” she glanced toward the one-way mirror and turned away slightly, as if she knew Scott would be watching her, and wiped at her eyes again, “but my mommy is gone.”

“Oh,” Tessa breathed, the sadness in Lily’s eyes nearly bringing tears to her own. “Lily, I don’t… I didn’t mean it like that. You have a daddy who can come, and a grandma, too. And you-”

“Hey,” Scott appeared beside them suddenly, frowning down at Lily before sweeping her in an embrace and lifting her into his arms. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”

Tessa heard Lily whimper against Scott’s neck, feeling her mouth go dry with guilt. 

“Scott, I didn’t…” she glanced toward him, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he smiled at her, shaking his head as his hand traced his daughter’s back. “Hey, Lily, look at me.” She hesitated for a moment and he made a small noise at her before she lifted her head. “You know Miss Virtue didn’t mean to make you sad. We’ve talked about how families are different, right? Some people have a mommy and a daddy, some people have two mommies or two daddies. And you have a pretty cool dad, right?” He gently tickled her side with his fingers and she squirmed in his arms, giggling despite the tear streaks on her face. 

Tessa offered him a gentle smile before glancing back at Lily. 

“I’m sorry, I have to…” 

“Go ahead,” he nodded toward the parents and children who had gathered in the lobby, awaiting their dismissal. “We’ll be here.” 

Tessa addressed the rest of the parents, her eyes inadvertently slipping to meet Scott’s as she spoke, watching as he perched in a chair with Lily on his knee, speaking to her in a soft voice. The sight was so touching, their faces close together, his dark, concerned eyes focused only on her tiny face, that Tessa felt a tightening in her heart and forced herself to look away from them until the rest of the families had trickled out of the building. 

She made her way slowly back to them, folding her knees gracefully to stoop down before Lily. The little girl watched her with wide, dark eyes. 

“I’m sorry I upset you,” Tessa apologized sincerely, her lips curling into a shy smile. “Can we still be friends?”

Lily watched her for a moment, considering, and then nodded, a tiny smile pressing across her lips. 

“Yes, Miss Virtue.”

“Good girl,” Tessa touched her knee tenderly and Lily smiled brighter. She rose to her feet and so did Scott, allowing Lily to slip off his knee and stand. “Scott, I wanted to tell you something.” 

He tilted his head at her, glanced toward Lily, and then allowed a smirk to press across his lips. 

“Gosh, Tess, my kid’s right here.”

She felt herself blush and laughed, gently smacking at his arm, eyes falling upon Lily, who stood watching them curiously. Almost absentmindedly, Tessa smoothed her leotard, her lips pressing together to convey an air of professionalism. 

“You know when we ran into each other at the mall last week,” she began softly, turning away from Lily’s intense gaze, “I told you I was shopping for an event I have coming up this week.” 

“Right,” he narrowed his gaze at her, smirking, “an event worthy of Victoria’s Secret.”

“It was a slip,” she hissed the words at him, feeling the flush in her chest, shading her pale skin dark pink. “I told you that.”

“Well, that remains to be seen,” he lowered his voice and his gaze, letting his eyes trace up her form. 

She rolled her eyes at him but enjoyed the way it felt, knowing his eyes were tracing her curves, remembering the way his hands had fallen onto her hips this past weekend, the feeling of him hard beneath her. She felt desperate for him suddenly and wished Lily wasn’t standing so near to them. 

“Anyway,” she let the word fall from her lips, “The event is for a charity this Saturday evening. I was planning to go alone, but if you don’t have plans, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to join me.” 

He blinked, then smiled. 

“Miss Virtue, are you asking me out on a date?” 

She felt a rush of embarrassment and turned her body further to avoid Lily’s eyes. 

“No,” she nearly whispered the word, feeling the flush in her cheeks. “It’s simply a social event. If you’re busy, I understand. I can-”

“I don’t have plans,” he interrupted her, smiling again, but without a hint of irony or sarcasm, “and if I did, I’d cancel them.” 

“Oh,” the word left her mouth quietly and she nodded, “well, okay…”

“What should I wear?” He asked, reaching down to take Lily’s hand. 

“A suit,” Tessa returned a moment later, “a shirt and a tie.” 

“What color are you wearing?” He wondered, his voice suddenly softer. 

“Uh,” she hesitated, eyeing him. “Green.”

He smiled then, and it reached his eyes. He tugged gently on Lily’s hand, lips breaking into a full grin. 

“To match your eyes,” he nodded, “okay, got it.” 

She smiled, reaching out to brush her hand over his arm. 

“Eight o’clock?” She wondered, catching his eyes as he raised them to her. 

“I’ll be there at seven-thirty.” 

*

_Life goes on after the kiss, though it seems to move in slow-motion. They continue dancing together, Tessa blushing each time he makes eye-contact with her, remembering the way his soft lips had felt pressed against hers._

_It’s ten days after the Ilderton carnival and they’ve been training in the rink for several hours. Tessa had too much caffeine (she’s not supposed to drink any, but Scott found seventy-five cents in his pocket and surprised her with a can of Coca-Cola from the vending machine) and she’s starting to feel a little giddy._

_It’s nearly seven o’clock in the evening and they’ve been at the rink all day, practicing a few steps that neither of them can get right for various reasons. She’s tired and starting to laugh too much and Scott is all-too happy to draw those giggles from her whenever the opportunity presents itself._

_He slips at one point, his skate shooting out from beneath him as he attempts to reach for her and he goes down on his butt. It takes Tessa less than three seconds to register what has happened before she’s in hysterics, tears streaming from her eyes as they make contact, Scott’s dazed face looking up at her from the icy floor.  
He starts to laugh too and she bends over, her mitten-clad hands clasping her knees for support as she laughs and laughs, unable to look at him for fear that she’ll never catch her breath and die right here on the ice. His giggles, which sound too high-pitched for a nearly ten-year-old boy make her laugh so hard that she’s afraid for a moment she’ll pee right where she stands. _

_She offers him a hand, though only because Coach Carol implants the thought in her mind and he goes to take it, but he tugs too hard and she ends up on the ice beside him, blinking in surprise when her bottom hits the cold, hard rink. He looks at her, almost as if he’s afraid she’ll be mad, and then their laughter starts again._

_She lays back on the ice and he joins her, both of them clutching their stomachs and rolling with laughter, and Tessa can hear the exasperated sigh of the coaches and knows that her mother wouldn’t be pleased with her behavior, but Scott’s just so funny and the sugar is rushing through her system and now she knows why she isn’t allowed to have caffeine._

_“Tessa,” he finally says her name, a wide grin still playing on his lips, and she looks toward him, wiping the tears that leak from her eyes._

_“What?” She asks, but her breath catches in her throat because she’s seen the way he’s looking at her before, and it was that night last week at the Ilderton carnival right before he kissed her. But they’re not alone; they’re in a rink surrounded by coaches and adults and a dozen other kids, and there’s no way he’s brave enough to kiss her right now, but the look in his eyes doesn’t fade._

_“Do you… maybe…” he’s having trouble saying the words and his smile falters a little as he turns his body more toward her, sighing deeply as if whatever he has to say is greatly difficult._

_“What is it, Scott?” She asks, because they’ve had a no-nonsense relationship since meeting earlier last year and he’s the only kid she really feels like she can be herself around._

_He looks up at her, hazel eyes meeting her own green, and scrunches his mouth to one side of his face. He looks like he doesn’t want to say it, and Tessa isn’t sure she wants to hear it, but at the same time, her heart is racing and her mind is reeling and all she can think about is being dizzy and sun-drenched and feeling his lips back at the carnival._

_“I was just wondering if,” he says again, sounding more sure of himself, “you maybe might wanna… be my girlfriend?”_

_“Scott! Tessa!” Coach Carol calls their names and Tessa can hear that she’s had about enough of their antics, and she’s a good girl, always wants to please everyone in her life, so she scurries back onto her feet and sees him sag beside her as she stands, wiping the shaved ice from her clothes._

_When she offers her hand this time, he takes it and she helps him into a standing position. He’s already beginning to move away from her when she races after him, saying his name so quietly that she isn’t sure he’s heard her until he’s turned to face her._

_He looks embarrassed, she realizes, and wants to make the sadness in his eyes go away._

_“Yes,” she says simply, and the one word is enough to light up his entire face, his eyebrows lifting in surprise and a smile slipping over his lips._

_He doesn’t say anything in response because they’re children and neither of them have any idea what they’re doing, but he reaches for her hand and she takes it. He cups her hand, which is all he can really do with the mittens she’s wearing, and pulls her alongside him as they move toward the side of the rink._

_Despite their titles of boyfriend and girlfriend, nothing much changes. They hold hands when they skate, but they don't look at each other. He doesn't kiss her again and she doesn't have the nerve to ask._

*  
The doorbell rang at 7:25, and Tessa wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or impressed by Scott’s promptness. She took an extra two minutes to apply her make-up, checking for smudges in her eyeliner and mascara and tracing the polished red gloss over her lips. 

She wondered, once she moved to the front door, if Scott would be watching her impatiently, wondering what had taken her so long to greet him. When she pulled the door open, however, his eyes fell upon her, lips parting at the sight of her face before allowing himself to appraise the rest of her figure. 

“Wow,” the word sounded like more of a breath as he said it, and she couldn’t help the sense of pride that suddenly overwhelmed her. She’d wanted to look good; of course for the event, but also for him, and the way he watched her told her that she’d accomplished her goal. 

“Hi,” she greeted him, “come in.” 

He stepped inside, his eyes focused solely on her, an impressed smile etched onto his features. 

“You look… incredibly beautiful,” he said the words slowly, meaningfully, and it both surprised and amused her that after so many years of his charming banter, she’d finally managed to render him speechless. 

“Thank you,” she nearly whispered the words, surveying him as well. His coiffed hair was brushed back, but she could see the strands threatening to stray from their style and suddenly all she wanted to do was run her fingers through it. She resisted, but took a step closer to him, pressing her lithe body against his, the hem of her emerald dress brushing the floor. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” 

He watched her, and she could hear the way his breath grew more ragged. 

“I clean up okay,” he shrugged, his voice low and just for her. She raised her eyes to him, taking in his face before pressing her lips against his. She felt his lips move as he returned the kiss, felt the way his fingers traced her hip through her dress. 

“I’d say you look more than okay,” she smirked at him, her fingers dancing up his arms, to his shoulder, and then tugging gently at his tie. “You’re even wearing a tie that matches my dress. How is that possible?” 

He smiled, blushed. 

“I’m wearing a tie that matches your eyes,” he corrected. 

She opened a bottle of wine and they drank a third of it, enough to take the edge off her nerves but not enough to leave her even slightly tipsy. She spoke to Scott about how she was expected to make a speech thanking donors and volunteers for the time and money spent toward her organization. She told him how she hated speeches, hated talking in front of others if it wasn’t in direct instruction, expected him to laugh at her or call her a name, tell her that she never would have made it to the Olympics if she couldn’t handle the press conferences, but he remained quiet, attentive. 

He laughed at all the right times, said all the right things, and by the time they were in an Uber on the way to the event, she’d pressed her leg against his and settled into the side beside him. Sometimes they spoke and other times they didn’t, but it was never uncomfortable, and her heart ached at the thought that they’d spent so many years apart when maybe she could have felt this way so much earlier. 

But no, she couldn’t think that way. If they’d stayed together, skated together for the past two decades, things would have turned out differently. There would be no Virtue Ballet Academy, no Lily. There would be no event this evening, no reason for him to wear a tie the color of her eyes, no reason for them to be pressed so tightly against each other in the back of an Uber. 

But there would possibly be other things, she realized. 

Maybe there would be goodnight kisses and _I love yous_ traded. Maybe there would be bands of gold around their ring fingers, and maybe there would be a little girl like Lily, or a little boy who looked like Tessa. 

Or maybe they wouldn’t have made it to this point. Maybe they would have spent another five years together before falling apart. Maybe they wouldn’t have made it another six months. It was pointless and dizzying to spend her life wondering how differently things may have been if she hadn’t decided to return to ballet. 

But as the car pulled to a stop in front of the grand building and Scott came around to take her hand and help her out, she suddenly felt as if she were exactly where she belonged. 

She had been nervous about bringing Scott to such an important event, had considered the pros and cons of asking him to accompany her for several days before she’d done so, but as she watched him mingle with men in suits and women in fine gowns, she felt herself relax. A few of the patrons even recognized him from the National Hockey League and struck up conversations with him regarding his career. 

Tessa excused herself to speak with some of the benefactors and organizers of the event, eventually making her way back to the round table she’d been seated at, smiling at Scott as he sipped from a glass of water. 

She slid into her seat next to him, smoothing her hands over the fine white tablecloth and meeting his eyes. 

“You’re making quite an impression,” she grinned at him, watched as he shrugged, shook his head. 

“You made me look good,” he nudged her with his elbow playfully. “I walked into the room with a gorgeous woman. Of course everyone is curious.” 

She laughed softly, turned her face into her shoulder to hide the blush that crept into her cheeks. 

A silence settled around them as the band moved into position, beginning to play a slow waltz. Tessa turned to him, grinning at the uncertainty in his eyes. 

“Dance with me,” she requested simply, and expected him to refuse her, but he reached for her hand, only slightly hesitantly. They rose, made their way to the dance floor, and Tessa’s hands instinctively structured his arms into a proper position, grinning as she did so. 

He grinned, too, looking utterly lost but doing his best to fake the poise required of him. She worried suddenly that he might be embarrassed, might make a fool of himself, but as they began to move, her worries faded. It was easy to look at Scott and see how he might be aloof or clumsy, but when he moved, he was graceful and almost elegant. He held her in all the right places, didn’t step on her feet, and she was reminded of the way they’d moved together on the ice, so agile despite the fact that they had only been children at the time. 

“You’re an incredible dancer,” he murmured as the song came to a close, and then appeared to be embarrassed by his compliment. “I mean… of course you are. You’re a ballerina.” 

She smiled, stroked his arm as the music faded and a new song began. 

“I was,” she corrected him gently, “I loved dancing. It made me feel so happy, so free. It made me feel beautiful and special. It made me feel like I could do anything, but…I retired, remember? I’m a teacher now.”

He studied her eyes, and she shot him a reassuring smile, but his steady gaze told her that he saw right through it. 

“Even if you’re retired,” he spoke gently, his hand pressing against the small of her back, sending electrical impulses up her spine, “it doesn’t mean you have to give up doing what you love. You don’t have to stop dancing.” 

She smiled at him, saw the warmth in his eyes, felt the way her heart raced in her chest as he pulled her closer. She searched his clear eyes, let herself succumb to his touch. She closed her eyes, rested her head against his shoulder and pressed herself to him, feeling his heart beat against hers.

“Somehow,” she said slowly, remembering the way he’d asked her to be his girlfriend all those years ago when they’d been just a few years older than Lily herself, “when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel like I ever did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part One of Two!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story rating changed for this chapter... 😈

There was dinner; pasta with chicken and a fine white sauce. Tessa could barely focus on her food, watching Scott speak and laugh with the people at their round table. His eyes creased when he laughed and she could see the beginnings of a few tiny lines just at the corners of his eyes. The same small lines creased the corners of his lips and she found herself relieved that he’d seemingly spent a majority of his life smiling. 

Despite her relief, she suddenly felt sad. She thought of the years she’d spent at the ballet, pushing herself to the point of tears. She thought of the holidays and special events she’d missed with her family, and then thought of Scott, and of the way her life may have been different if she’d decided not to walk away from ice dance. Would she have those same small lines around the creases of her lips and eyes? Would she be able to look back on the past two decades of her life and decide that there had been more happiness than despair? It was impossible to say now, but the thought lingered in her mind. 

She sipped on a glass of white wine, meeting his eyes every once and again, feeling herself smile and blush when he landed a particularly funny joke or charming comment. She shifted in her seat, glancing over at him, his eyebrows furrowing into a concerned gaze. 

“Are you nervous,” he wondered, “about your speech?”

Tessa made a small, non-committal noise in the back of her throat, disguising it with a quiet laugh. 

“I’m not good at speaking in front of groups,” she admitted quietly, lowering her voice to keep the conversation between the two of them. “I get anxious with all those eyes watching me.” 

He smiled, still watching her. 

“They’re all here to support you,” he encouraged her. “Does that help?” 

She thought of the hundreds of pairs of eyes, thought of the way they would be focused solely on her as she stood behind the glass podium on the stage. Hundreds of eyes not looking away from her, watching her every move, listening to her every word. She felt the familiar burn of anxiety work its way into her chest and shook her head and shoulders, as if she could physically remove the feeling from within her. 

“I can’t talk about it,” she whispered, glancing at him desperately. “My speech is in ten minutes. I have to think about something else. Where’s Lily tonight?” 

“She’s with her maternal aunt. They’ve tried to keep some semblance of a relationship with her despite the fact that her own mother doesn’t see her.” 

Tessa heard the pain in his voice, wondered what it felt like to be so rejected by the person who had promised to care for you. She thought again of Lily’s sadness at the idea of performing in a recital without her mother in attendance. Tessa and her mother had always been so incredibly close, and still were. She was her best friend, her biggest supporter. The idea of sweet little Lily being rejected by her own mother made her feel sick and sad. 

“I’m sorry,” Tessa whispered, meeting his eyes. She offered him a conciliatory smile. “You do a great job with her. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you, being a single parent. But she adores you. You’re a great dad.” 

He smiled again, the real smile that evaded him whenever he spoke of Lily’s mother. 

“Thank you,” he said softly, and his hand moved to take hers beneath the table. He curled his fingers around hers, bit her lip and smiled into his touch. “She’s a big fan of yours, as well.” 

“Oh?” Tessa’s eyebrows went up, her lips parting slightly. “Is that so?” 

“That is so, Miss Virtue,” he teased, speaking her name in the same way Lily did. “She pretends to be you, you know.” 

Tessa blinked at him, shaking her head. 

“At home. She’ll put her little tutu on and sit all of her dolls in a circle, just like you do in class. And then she talks and instructs them. She does all of the things you do in class.” The corner of his lips turned up into a small smile. “I just thought you should know… in case you don’t think you’re making a difference, you are.” 

The affection that flooded her chest overwhelmed her, and she nearly turned away from him to hide the way her eyes suddenly grew wet with tears. She fought them back, smiling at him and forcing a soft chuckle. 

“She’s a good girl,” Tessa acknowledged, thinking once again of the little girl’s face, the way her dark eyes had filled with tears at the thought of not having her mother in attendance. “You’re very lucky.” 

“I am,” he nodded, after a moment, squeezing her hand. “I’m a very lucky guy.” 

She felt herself flush and meet his eyes. Her fingers traced his, tongue peeking from between her lips to wet them.

“Scott,” she said his name quietly, not daring herself to look away from him. “Can I tell you something?” 

His eyes narrowed in concentration. 

“Yes, of course.” 

“I know that prior to last week, we hadn’t seen each other for twenty years,” she began. 

“Twenty-two,” he interrupted, grinning.

“Twenty-two,” she corrected herself, taking a quiet breath, praying he would stay quiet so she could say what she wanted to say to him. “And I know we have a history, but I just…I’ve never felt with anyone the way I feel with you.”

He watched her quietly, never breaking eye contact. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “And I feel like… I don’t know, maybe I’m being stupid or naïve, but you make me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time… maybe ever. Something I haven’t felt since I was that eight-year-old kid in Ilderton.”

She couldn’t look away from him, couldn’t bear to break the eye contact between them. She couldn’t imagine her life without him suddenly, couldn’t think about what it would be like to go home after this event knowing that professionally, she had everything she’d ever dreamed of, but personally, she was alone. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way his hands had felt on her hips, the way his kiss had tasted. 

“And I just think,” she continued, “that I’ve fallen for you so quickly. And the scary part is that it doesn’t scare me at all.”

She watched his lips part, heard his gentle breath.

“Tess, I-” he began, his voice soft. 

“Tessa,” an older woman placed her hand on Tessa’s slender shoulder and she turned, catching her eye. “You’re up in two minutes. They’re ready for you on the stage.” 

“Oh,” Tessa sighed, frowning at Scott. She wanted to curse her luck, push the woman away and entreat Scott to continue. “I’m sorry. Can you… can we finish this after my speech?” 

He smiled, dipped his head in a nod. 

“Yeah, of course.” He squeezed her hand once more before releasing her. “Good luck. Maybe try picturing everyone in their underwear.” 

She offered him a genuine smile, touched his shoulder lightly with her fingertips and laughed softly. 

“Thanks,” she grinned, “now I won’t be able to take my eyes off you.” 

She flushed at her own nerve, breathless at the way she could flirt with him despite the fact that she’d never been very good at it. She’d spent the majority of her life watching men from afar, giggling and blushing at their jokes and compliments but never finding the courage to be so brazen with her affections. It was different with Scott, somehow. He made her feel fearless, left her unafraid of being rejected, knowing that her feelings were, somehow, safe with him. 

She turned to make her way to the stage, glancing back at him only briefly to toss a wink in his direction. She ascended the stairs and stood behind the glass podium, narrowing her eyes against the glare of the bright lights. Her fingers unlatched the clutch in her hand, finding the folded piece of paper that contained the key elements of her speech. She was here to thank so many people, to express her gratitude towards funding and donations that had helped so many of her students with scholarships and tuition. Her mouth was dry and her tongue felt tied, but she looked up into the audience and caught Scott’s eyes. 

He was watching her with a smile, dark eyes focused solely on hers. She felt a smile curling at the edges of her lips and he returned her easy grin, shooting her two thumbs up in a cheesy gesture of encouragement. She tried to suppress the quiet giggle, but it surfaced in her throat and she brushed her hair behind her ear. 

“Um,” she said the word, watching as every eye before her turned to look. There was a sudden lull in the crowd, voices quieting as she began to speak. “I’d like to start by saying thank you to everyone for being here today. Through the generous donations provided by our benefactors, Virtue Ballet Academy has been able to provide more than one hundred students with scholarships to help them realize their dreams of dance. As the owner and primary instructor of the academy, I…” 

She felt the lump in her throat as she made eye contact with several members of the audience, could visualize the words floating from her lips into the air, but couldn’t say them. It was if there were suddenly a blockage in her throat, unable to speak or make any sound other than an indecisive clearing of her throat. She felt the panic beginning to rise, her heart thumping in her chest as she parted her lips and waited for the words to come. 

And then she met Scott’s eyes. He was watching her certainly, with that same confident smile, nodding. Seeing him there, feeling his encouragement despite the distance between them, she found her voice and began to speak. The words flowed freely suddenly, and she found that focusing on his eyes helped her breath slow in her chest, helped her say her words more precisely. She kept his eyes for a minute, two, before finding the confidence to look away. 

She met the eyes of other attendees, smiling and even managing a joke, listening and watching as they responded to her heartfelt words. She felt the speech winding down, felt the gratitude and appreciation for Scott swell in her chest as she moved her eyes back to the table to search for him. 

But his seat was empty. 

She felt an uneasiness in her stomach, glanced hurriedly around the large room as she caught sight of him making his way toward the back exit. She finished her speech quickly, no longer certain of herself or the words she said. There was a rush of applause as she finished speaking and she stepped back from the podium, grinning and breathless at the exertion of her speech. It seemed silly, to think that she spoke to others and instructed them in the art of dance for a career and couldn’t give a simple ten-minute speech without the butterfly wings of her nerves fluttering against her ribcage. 

She descended from the stage quickly, eyes focused on Scott as he retreated from the room, her feet hurriedly carrying her after him as she attempted to catch up with him.  
“Scott!” She called his name when she’d gotten nearer to him, but he was already out the door, rushing down the hallway and out the main doors of the building. Her pace increased and she raced behind him as best as she could with her high heels on, making it to the exit of the building just in time to see him slam the door of a taxi as it pulled away from the curb. She halted, catching her breath, watching with furrowed brows as the cab pulled into traffic. 

She stood, confused for a moment, unsure of what to do. Why would he leave like that? He’d been so supportive, so attentive, and then she’d-

Shit. 

She’d told him that she’d never felt with anyone else the way he made her feel. She’d basically told him that she was in love with him, and what had she expected? Him to feel the same way? To tell her that he’d fallen in love with her over the past week and that, despite the fact that he’d told her a few days ago that they needed to take it slow, he was ready to admit his feelings? That he was willing to risk a relationship with his daughter’s ballet teacher despite the effect it would have on their professional boundaries?

She stood watching the brake lights disappear, then turned and retreated back into the building. 

The rest of the night felt colorless. 

*

_Scott won’t look at her, and it worries her. He takes her hand, holds her hip, spins her on the ice, but his hazel gaze won’t meet hers and she knows that something is wrong._

_He’s quiet, too, which is unusual for him, because he’s the chattiest boy she knows. She’d always thought that girls liked to talk, but Scott usually rambles on and on, even after she’s stopped listening. Today, he hasn’t said more than a few words to her._

_When Coach Carol calls for a break, he releases her hand and begins to move away from her, skating toward the exit of the rink, but she calls his name and he stops with his back to her before slowly turning to look at her._

_“Scott?” She says, and he still won’t meet her eyes, but she doesn’t give him a choice and skates over to stand beside him, looking up at his face. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing’s wrong,” he shrugs, but he’s lying. She’s only eight, but she can tell when someone’s lying to her. It happens a lot to kids, she knows, but it’s usually something only other adults do, not friends._

_“You’re not talking,” she points out, and he shrugs again._

_“I don’t have anything to say,” he says, as if that’s ever stopped him before, and she frowns._

_She doesn’t want to push him, but she thinks that if he’s really her boyfriend and she’s really his girlfriend, they’re supposed to talk about things that bother them. She thinks back to the way she told him last week about the way a boy at school had been bullying her, about the way he’d become so protective and wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug that had made her laugh and forget about the cruel names she’d been called._

_“Did you watch the hockey game yesterday?” She asks, desperate to draw something from him, but he shrugs once more and shakes his head._

_“I guess. I don’t know.”_

_“How do you not know if you watched the game?” She asks, and she feels her face flush with anger at the way he’s suddenly treating her like such a… child._

_He narrows his eyes at her, surely seeing the frustration on her tiny face, and then looks away. He toes the ice, then sighs._

_“I can’t be your boyfriend anymore,” he says, so softly that she thinks for a moment she’s misheard him. His cheeks are pink and his eyes look darker than she’s ever seen them._

_“What?” She asks, unprepared for the way her chest suddenly feels as if someone is attempting to pry it apart with a screwdriver. “Why not?"_

_“I just can’t,” he says, his voice rising an octave in defense. “The guys are making fun of me.”_

_It feels like betrayal, and it takes her a moment as she wonders if it’s justified. It is._

_“So what?” She asks._

_She expects him to shrug again, but his shoulders slump. His eyes remain on the toepick of his skate._

_“They’re laughing at me for having a girlfriend,” he admits softly._

_His words are a crushing defeat, and she thinks of the way the boy at school has been laughing at her. She thinks of how it makes her feel, and then thinks that Scott is the only one who can ever make her feel better._

_“But don’t you like me?” She asks, barely finding her voice._

_“Yeah, Tess,” he looks up at her hurriedly, concern in his eyes. “I like you and all. But they’re my friends…”_

_She waits for him to continue, but his voice fades. He watches her, as if that explains everything._

_“Not if they’re making fun of you,” she reasons, which is something she’s heard her mother say, and she believes is very profound of her._

_He looks surprised for a moment, confused, and then angry._

_“They are my friends,” he insists. “But they don’t have girlfriends and they think…”_

_He stops speaking, and even though she’s afraid she already knows, she has to ask._

_“They think what?”_

_He hesitates, frowns, then continues._

_“They think you’re weird.”_

_It hurts so much, more than anything she’s ever felt in her entire life. She doesn’t think the pain is physical, doesn’t think that it’s possible for your heart to really break, but it sure feels like it’s doing just that._

_Her eyes well with tears and she turns away from him because she hates crying in front of anyone that isn’t her mom._

_“Tessa,” he says her name so softly, his hand on her arm. “I don’t think you’re weird. You’re my friend, too.”_

_It helps a little, but it’s not enough to ease the pain in her chest._

_“I still wanna skate with you,” he justifies, as if it’s even a choice. She wipes at her eyes before turning back to him._

_But you kissed me, she wants to say, but she can’t find the nerve. And he’s already looking at her like this conversation is over. He’s smiling softly now, pretending that everything is okay, and maybe for him, it is._

_“We’re still friends, right?” He asks, his voice sounding more carefree than it has in a long time._

_“Yes,” she says, because what other choice does she have?_

_He grins then, a wide smile taking over his face, and she suddenly wonders if this is what it feels like to die. It doesn’t feel dramatic or silly in this moment, it just feels desperately painful._

_“Good. Wanna race?” He asks, and before she’s even able to reply, he skates away from her, whooping and hollering like they’ve just had the best time of their lives. She stands still for another moment and wants nothing more than to drag herself off the ice and onto a bench, curl into a ball and cry and cry until her mom comes to pick her up._

_But because she’s Tessa Jane Virtue, and because her whole life she’s been told to smile when she feels like crying, she races off after him and pretends that it doesn’t feel like her whole entire world has just fallen apart._

_She waits the rest of the day for him to apologize for breaking her heart._

_She waits for four more years._  
*  
Sunday mornings were usually fairly methodical in the Virtue household. 

She would rise from bed around eight o’clock, fix herself a breakfast of poached eggs and wheat toast, a small glass of orange juice. She would sit on her patio when it was nice, and at the small table overlooking the window to her backyard when it was cool or rainy. She would read whatever novel had recently caught her interest, would spend as little as fifteen minutes or as much as an hour in that world, depending on her schedule for the day. 

She startled when her doorbell rang at nine-thirteen. 

It was early, too early for visitors, but as she peered through the peephole, she saw Scott’s face. She stood back, frowning. 

She hadn’t heard from him since the previous evening when he’d rushed out of the building during her speech. She had spent most of the night silently seething, torn between a mixture of rage and heartbreak, neither of them having her full loyalty. She wondered why he hadn’t at least sent her a text message.

There had to be a reason, she justified, but what? It wasn’t like him (at least what she knew of him) to depart without at least a goodbye, but that’s exactly what he’d done. He’d scurried out of the building and into a taxi and hadn’t even looked back. And now he was at her front door. 

She thought of not answering, of leaving him standing on the stoop and letting him wonder just like he’d left her to do. Maybe he would think she wasn’t home, that she’d found a man at the event last night and had gone home with him. 

But he’d been the one to stop her as she’d been perched atop him last weekend, the one who’d told her that he didn’t think she did this with guys she just met. He’d known her better than she’d known him, better than she’d known herself. Just as he always had. 

It was this thought, the one that told her he wouldn’t believe she’d gone home with a stranger, that led her to pull her front door open, arms crossing over her chest as she met his gaze. 

He stood before her, palms up, a hapless expression upon his face. 

“Tessa,” he breathed, and the sound of her name suddenly ignited something within her. 

“Mr. Moir,” she caught him offguard, enjoying the look of surprise on his face. “What are you doing here?” 

He blinked, confused, shook his head. 

“Tess, please, I-” 

“Don’t call me that,” she interrupted him, and his mouth closed. “You can call me Miss Virtue like the rest of my parents do.” 

It felt good, seeing him this way, wondering if he felt the way she’d felt last night when he’d hurried out of the building and away from her. Her chest ached as she looked at him, thinking of the previous evening which now felt so long ago. She thought of the way he’d clutched her hand beneath the table, the way he’d held her as they’d danced, and she suddenly felt as if she might be sick. 

“You have no business at my house,” she informed him, doing her best to keep her voice from trembling. “I’ll see you at class on Tuesday evening.” 

She moved to close the door, but his foot caught just inside the doorway. She caught his eyes desperately. 

“It was Lily,” he said suddenly, his eyes dark and full of emotion. “She had some kind of allergic reaction. She was at the hospital.” 

At his words, she felt her resolve waver. Still, she attempted to remain stoic. She felt her jaw tremble. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said after a moment, her voice softer, “and I hope she’s okay, but I can’t-”

“Please,” he begged now, “please just let me come in.” 

He stepped back in a gesture of good faith. She recognized that he realized he might have come on too strong, may have intimidated her with not allowing her to close her front door. She stepped back at the same time. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Please, Tes- uh, Miss Virtue. Can we just talk?” 

And because she was hopeless when it came to him, she took another step back and pushed the door open. He stepped inside and she closed it behind him.  
It’s quiet in her house, almost preternaturally so. There’s usually music playing, or at least the low hum of the refrigerator or dishwasher, but because it’s so early on Sunday morning, she hasn’t started her chores. The only sound between them is their own breathing. 

“Lily’s aunt called me during your speech,” he began slowly. “I didn’t answer at first, I was intending to call her back right after, but she followed up with a text message. Lily ate something, and she’s never had a reaction before, but she started to get hives. By the time I got the message, they were already on their way to the hospital.”

Tessa stood watching him, thinking now of the tiny little girl in the oversized baseball cap and pink leotard. She thought of Lily’s tiny voice speaking up in class, calling her _Miss Viwtue_ and asking about the _wecital_. She swallowed hard. 

“Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “The doctors gave her some antihistamines and she started to breathe a little better. We were there for a few hours. Luckily she responded well enough to the treatment to be released at around three in the morning.” He was quiet for a moment. “I tried to get her to stay home with me, but she insisted on finishing her sleepover. She’s a determined kid.” 

Tessa felt the corners of her lips twitch into a smile. 

“I’m glad she’s all right,” she nodded, “I really am. Do you know what the reaction stemmed from?”

“The doctor guessed mango. It’s the only thing she had that was different than her usual diet. And apparently it can be linked to a latex sensitivity, which she has. But, God, I didn’t… I was scared to death.” 

Tessa watched him, studied the sincerity of his features, felt her shoulders sag as she watched him. It made sense of course, and no one, including her, would hold that against him. Rushing out without an explanation to care for his daughter was the one thing Tessa hadn’t expected, the one thing she hadn’t accounted for. In her mind, his intentions had been malicious, spiteful. She’d scared him away with her expression of affection or maybe had come on too strong. None of the possibilities that had swirled through her mind last night could be blamed on anyone but her. 

But now, here he was, looking like he hadn’t slept more than a few minutes, watching her with those sad eyes and making her wish she hadn’t opened her door at all. 

“I understand,” she said, and she meant it. 

“I should have told you,” he wiped a hand over his face, the back of his neck. “I should have texted or called, but… it didn’t feel right. I wanted to tell you in person. I wanted you to see me, to know that I never would have left you like that if it hadn’t been an emergency.” 

Damnit. He knew all the right things to say, and as her lips parted, he tentatively took a step closer to her. 

“I’m sorry.” 

He was so close to her now, she could feel the heat radiating from him. He smelled like the cologne he’d worn last night and she wondered if he’d even had a chance to shower. From the stubble beginning to pebble his chin, she guessed not. He watched her quietly, raising a hand to touch her forearm through the thin white robe she wore. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” he breathed, and his words felt like fingers caressing her skin. “I’m so sorry if I made you think I left because of what you said to me…” 

Her eyes looked up to meet his and she chewed on her lower lip. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” she managed to say, “you should go.” 

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes lingering at the collar of her thin robe, his fingers still on her arm. 

“Do you want me to go?” 

She stood still for a moment, letting herself feel the rhythm of her heart, the way her breath filled her lungs desperately. She took a step nearer to him, one hand raising to his cheek. Her fingertips brushed his chin, his jaw, and then her mouth was upon his. 

She kissed him, open and needy, like she had a week ago at his apartment. Her lips found his desperately, tasting him and then devouring him. He kissed her back, his hand lowering to her hip, his thumb stroking her through the thin fabric of the robe. 

They were moving suddenly, and she realized that she was the one who had instigated the movement. She pressed against him until the back of his knees hit the couch and he fell against it. Without giving him a moment to readjust, she slid onto his lap, straddling him, her mouth never breaking from his. 

Without a word, she sighed against his skin, beginning to rock her hips against him. She felt his hand on her waist again and half expected him to still her movements as he had last week, to tell her that this was progressing too quickly and that neither of them were prepared for this next step. 

To her pleasant surprise, however, when she glanced down at his hand, she saw him tugging at the knot of the robe, working it so effortlessly that she felt a pang of jealousy at the idea that he’d done this before, with so many other women, never with her. 

But with her now. 

She peppered kisses along his jaw and cheekbone, settling back against his lap as he pushed open her robe. Beneath it, she wore a simple white t-shirt, and his hands made quick work of it, pushing it over her breasts and exposing her skin to the cool air. She sucked in a breath and he glanced up at her, ensuring that it wasn’t a sound of protest. She nodded, and he brought his mouth to her breast, taking a nipple into his mouth and drawing it between his teeth until she hissed and tugged at his hair.

“Can I go back to calling you Tessa now?” He asked suddenly, his voice huskier than she’d ever heard him. She grinned against his skin. 

“I don’t know. I like the way Miss Virtue sounds coming from your lips.”

She had wanted this for so long, had wanted him without even realizing it until she’d seen him at the mall that day, and now it felt as if she couldn’t wait another moment. Her fingers worked at the zipper of his jeans, her hips never ceasing in their movements as he found her other breast and then her mouth, kissing her as his fingers teased her nipples into tiny pebbles. 

She had unzipped his jeans, encouraged him to lift his hips as she worked his erection from his boxers. She stroked him once, and then twice, meeting his eyes, her hand feeling so cool against the velvety smoothness of him. 

“Condom,” he breathed, and she shook her head. 

“I don’t have any,” she said, and watched his face fall. “But I’m clean and I have an IUD. You?” 

“I’m clean, too,” he said, his eyes never leaving hers, “but if you don’t-”

“I do,” she breathed, and she was raising her hips, lining him up to her entrance before sinking down onto him. The feeling of him pressed against her was almost unbearable, like fasting and having to think about all of the delicious foods you couldn’t have. She wasn’t hesitant, knew that there was nothing she wanted more in this moment, but the feeling of anticipation was so delicious that she took another full moment before allowing herself to sink fully onto him. 

She gasped, her breath leaving her as he filled her, stretched her. It had been years since she’d been with anyone, but her body seemed to acknowledge his presence as an inevitability. She felt him part her, felt her walls hug him and let her head fall back at the feeling of unbelievable pleasure. 

She opened her eyes despite the difficulty of doing so as she settled onto him, her hips flush against his. Absurdly, and despite the lovely bliss that marked his face, Tessa could think only of his comments from the previous week. 

_You were right when you said I didn’t know you well enough. I don’t even know your favorite color… your favorite animal._

Her hands found his shoulders, steadying herself, and she met his eyes. 

“White,” she said in a strangled voice. Scott’s eyebrows furrowed, his lips already parted in silent pleasure. 

“What?” 

“My favorite color,” she breathed as she moved atop him, beginning to rock her hips as she adjusted to his size, “is white.”

“Oh, fuck,” Scott whispered, his hands falling to her hips, guiding her as she bucked her hips, adjusting to the feel of her surrounding his sensitive organ, “is white even a color?”

She smirked at him, jerked her hips once more, causing his head to fall back against the couch. 

“White is the color of many things,” she breathed steadily, “snow, ice… come.”

He groaned and she felt him twitch within her. She laughed softly, felt her muscles tense around him buried within her. 

“And I like swans,” she whimpered as he bucked into her, holding her hips in place. 

“Jesus, Tessa,” Scott groaned, “what?” 

“My favorite animal,” she leaned into him, pressing her lips against his ear, “is a swan.”

His grip tightened on her hips and she grinned into his shoulder. She heard the growl in the back of his throat. 

“As much as I love that you’re telling me this,” he panted, his hands cupping her breasts for a moment before returning to her hips, “you can shut up now.” 

With a motion that surprised her, Scott shifted his hips and turned them, pressing her against the couch and catching her wrists in one of his hands, pinning them against the couch above her head. She lost the element of control in his readjustment, and though he was still buried within her, she was now on her back, him hovering between her thighs. 

“I thought you wanted to know everything about me,” she teased him, feeling her chest and shoulders flush with arousal. 

“There’s plenty of time for that,” he breathed, “right now all I need to know is how to make you come.”

She knew that he could see everything, every freckle, every scar. He could see each imperfection in her skin, but his eyes reflected none of them. As he continued to thrust into her, his mouth found her chest, pressing kisses against each freckle, suckling and licking on the skin there hard enough to burst the blood vessels beneath. She moaned, low and long, and once against felt him twitch inside her. 

“Does that feel good, Miss Virtue?” His voice felt so dirty in her ear and it set her off, her muscles twitching and gripping at him as he fucked up into her. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders, leaving half-moons in the skin there, and she allowed her eyes to close, her head to fall back. She could feel her whole body responding to his thrusts; her breasts bouncing, her toes curling, the orgasm uncoiling deep within her abdomen. She began to whimper and then shudder as she fell around him, her undoing on display for him to see. 

“Scott, oh, Scott,” she moaned his name, whimpered, pleaded. She needed him to know that she was here now, had never been more aware or alert in any other situation in her life. That her brain was focused solely on him, on the pleasure he was providing her, only on his body, his attention, his being. 

“There you go, pretty girl,” he encouraged her as her hips twitched, his breath catching as he felt his own release approaching, “you come so good for me. I always knew you would.”

Tessa was breathless, her legs weak and trembling, but Scott was still thrusting into her, finally releasing her wrists and using both hands to grasp her hips. Her legs parted farther for him, bending to allow him better access. The shift allowed him to go deeper, angle himself in a way that left him groaning and panting and then finally exploding within her, whispering her name. She could feel his hot seed spilling inside her, could feel it coat her walls and rocked her hips up against his, desperate to absorb every drop. She wanted this moment to last, this sensation of being so completely filled by him. 

He shuddered once, twice, and then collapsed on top of her with a laugh. She giggled as well, her hand immediately finding the dark strands of his hair and tugging affectionately at it. Her hand worked down his neck and against the muscles of his upper back. He was sweaty, even through his shirt, and she tugged it off of him at long last, wanting to see every inch of his body as he had seen hers. 

His skin was darker than hers, but he’d always tanned easily. His chest was hairless, muscles defined. She traced her fingers over his skin, realizing only then that he was still buried within her and softening. 

She lifted her hips and he slowly slid from her, feeling the mess they’d made drip from between her thighs. She felt satiated finally, and it was something she hadn’t realized she’d so desperately missed. But she knew that even if she’d found someone to spend lonely nights with, none of them would have been able to satisfy her in this way, to make her feel physically and emotionally complete. 

She was too tired, too sex-drunk to care that they were leaking onto her fine white leather couches. It could be easily cleaned, she noted, and pulled him down beside her. He caught her lips in another kiss, and she let her eyes graze over his red chest, softening erection, his hard body beside her. 

“Twenty-two years,” Scott spoke softly, tracing his finger over the sharp curve of her jaw, “is a long time.”

Tessa smirked against his skin, pressing her naked body flush against his. 

“And it was fucking absolutely worth the wait.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay. Thank you to everyone who continues to read, review, and enjoy.

Tessa spent the next week in a haze, her mind focused solely on the feeling of Scott inside her, the way his hot breath felt against her skin. She thought of the way he’d sounded as he’d climaxed, the way he’d held her as she’d shaken through her own, the way her body suddenly felt so empty without him. 

He called and sent her text messages, even showed up on Monday morning after dropping Lily off at school holding a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich with bacon, her guilty pleasure. He couldn’t stay, he had a coaching session, but the sight of him standing on her front step with a smile on his face made her heart feel light and happy and she spent the rest of the day with a goofy smile on her face. 

Tuesday evening was difficult, watching Lily and Scott from the corner of her eye, wanting nothing more than to go to him, wrap her arms around him and kiss his neck, tell him that she dreaded the days she didn’t get to see him. Her fingers curled into fists at her side, the urge to touch him so strong that it physically ached. 

It was beyond difficult, feeling his eyes on her, knowing that he was watching each movement she made, and she attempted to capitalize on his desire, moving her hips in a way that was meant for him, fluttering her eyelashes toward the one-way mirror and knowing that he was soaking it all in. 

It wasn’t until halfway through the class that things fell apart. 

One of the students, a tiny blonde girl with eyes as blue as glass, raised her hand and spoke the innocent words. 

“Miss Virtue?” 

It hit Tessa like a freight train, the memory of him buried inside her, the way he’d grunted and panted into her ear, gripped her hips and thrust into her. The way his tongue had tasted the salt of her skin, those deliciously illicit words he’d whispered to her: _Does that feel good, Miss Virtue?_

She barely managed to hear the toddler’s question, stammering out a response before composing herself, grinning, and taking a moment to tell the children that from now on, they were to refer to her as Miss Tessa. 

She and Scott didn’t talk throughout class, didn’t even make eye contact, doing their best to maintain a professional boundary in front of the other students and parents, though Scott lingered after the other parents had left. Still, in front of Lily, it was difficult to offer him more than a gentle hug, her hand tracing over his back. He seemed to feel the same way, stiffening slightly beneath her touch. It was only after Lily disappeared into the washroom that she allowed herself to address him, her voice quiet and sharp. 

“You ruined my name!” 

He watched her for a moment, eyes narrowing playfully. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Miss Virtue,” she hissed the words to him, “One of the students addressed me during class, and I couldn’t even… I had to tell them to start calling me Miss Tessa. I hope you’re happy.” 

As she spoke, she moved closer to him, daring him with her eyes. 

He watched her, bemused, and then leaned into her, his breath hot against her ear.

“I’ll be happy once your legs are wrapped around me again, Miss Virtue.” 

She hissed, swore, went to pull away from him, but he caught her arm gently, laughing, his lips finding and trailing kisses up the line of her jaw. Tessa felt a rumble of pleasure in her throat, tilted her head to allow his lips access. 

“Scott,” she whispered his name, both of their attentions suddenly drawing toward the washroom door as it clicked open and Lily stepped out. Tessa sucked in a breath, reluctantly stepping away from him and pretending to busy herself with straightening chairs in the sitting room. 

Lily emerged, watching them both with wide, quiet eyes. 

“What were you doing?” 

Tessa glanced toward her, panic rising in her chest, but Lily was watching Scott. 

“I’m waiting for you,” he voice was as smooth as glass. 

Lily’s eyes narrowed, flicked between her father and Tessa. 

“Did you give Miss Tessa a kiss?” 

Tessa’s lips parted, she glanced toward Scott hurriedly, her face flushing crimson. She began to stammer in an attempt to make up an excuse for Lily catching them mid-embrace, but Scott was already watching her with hazel eyes. 

“Miss Tessa had a boo-boo,” he spoke, his voice soft and fluid. “I was trying to help her feel better. Don’t you feel better when I kiss your boo-boos?” 

Lily’s eyes lit with excitement and she nodded. 

“Yes, much better.” 

Tessa glanced toward him, barely able to suppress her smirk. 

The rest of the week was torture. She was busy with classes and On Saturday morning, Tessa made her way to her studio, intending to catchup on paper work. She sat at her desk in her office, a thin pair of glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. She heard a sudden rapping at the studio door and glanced away from the screen of her computer, narrowing her eyes as she looked toward the source of the sound. She pushed herself away from her desk and rose, walking to the edge of her office and peering down the hallway. 

Scott and Lily stood just beyond the front doors, Scott waving and smiling while Lily watched her with dark eyes from beneath her iconic Maple Leafs cap. 

Despite herself, Tessa grinned.

“What are you two doing here?” 

“We came for a play-date!” Lily cried out suddenly, leaping into the air and splaying her hands. It startled Tessa, took her aback to see her so lively and outspoken. 

“I’m sorry, a… what?” She smiled down at Lily then looked up to Scott. 

“A play-date,” he stressed both syllables of the word. “Lily wants to play, and I… well, you know.” 

They shared a secret smile, Tessa’s cheeks flushing under his gaze. 

“Oh, a play-date, eh?” She glanced behind her and then leaned down to Lily’s level. “Well, what exactly did you have in mind, Miss Lily?” 

Lily grinned, suddenly shy, resting her head against Scott’s hip. Her fingers were curled in Scott’s big hand and he tugged her gently, encouraging her to speak. 

“Go ahead,” he encouraged her. “Tell Miss Tessa where we’re going.” 

Lily bit on her lip, her dark eyes scanning the ground before meeting Tessa’s eyes. Her mouth curved into a shy smile, her tiny white teeth on display. 

“We’re going ice skating,” she revealed slowly, her voice high with excitement. “Will you come with us, Miss Tessa?” 

“Oh,” Tessa breathed, suddenly flustered at the idea, still grinning at Lily but directing a more hesitant gaze toward Scott. “I don’t know. I haven’t been ice skating in a long, long time.” 

“Daddy will hold your hand,” Lily offered quickly, glancing up at her before checking in with Scott. “Daddy always holds my hand when I get scared on the ice, right, Daddy?” 

“That’s right, baby,” Scott grinned at Lily and then Tessa. “But you don’t get scared so much anymore.”

“No,” Lily shook her head proudly, “not anymore. But you’ll hold Miss Tessa’s hand.”

Tessa rose, meeting Scott’s eyes. 

“I will hold Miss Tessa’s hand,” he smiled at her, “I would love to hold Miss Tessa’s hand anytime.” 

Tessa flushed again, tried to avert her gaze from Lily, who stood watching them. 

“I don’t…” Tessa paused, hesitating. There was nothing she wanted more than to spend time with him, with them. The thought of his hand wrapped securely around hers, their bodies pressed close as they moved together once more on the ice. But she hadn’t put on a pair of ice skates in over twenty years, hadn’t stepped onto the ice or even been into an arena. “I don’t know. I’m not sure how good I’ll be.”

That wasn’t to say she hadn’t wanted to. For the first few years after trading ice-dancing for ballet, she made herself stay away because it was too painful to watch without participating. Her feet still felt the sting of the skates, her legs still coordinated the movements. She’d even avoided playing hockey with her siblings because each time she tried to tie on her skates, all she could think about was Scott’s face when she’d told him she’d made her decision at twelve-years-old, the disappointment, confusion, hurt. 

“It doesn’t matter how good you are,” Scott said suddenly, and Tessa studied his face. “It’s about having fun, right, Lily?” 

“Yep!” Lily stood on her toes, using Scott’s steady arm for balance. “It’s so fun!” 

Tessa wet her lips with her tongue, chewed on them for a brief moment. 

“All right, fine. I have to finish some paperwork first, though. Come in.” She pushed the door open for them and Lily traipsed into the building, leaving Scott behind her. She watched the little girl move past her before Scott took Tessa’s arm gently, pulling her into an intimate embrace. 

“I’ve missed you,” his lips found her jaw, her neck, placed soft kisses on the delicate skin.

“I’ve missed you, too,” she allotted, her eyes flitting to watch Lily as she knelt at a small table with crayons and paper. 

“It’s so hard only seeing you at class on Tuesdays, and knowing even then that I can’t touch you, I can’t kiss you.” To accentuate his words, his fingers brushed up her arm, teasing her flesh into goosebumps. “How much longer do we have to sneak around like this?” 

She bit her lip, turning her face into his touch, knowing the flush of her skin betrayed her ambivalence. 

“I have certain professional boundaries…” she was saying the words but not feeling them. There was nothing in her that made her want to turn him away, tell him that as long as his daughter was enrolled in her school, she couldn’t get close to him. Even as a former parent, it was a questionable choice. But his hands felt so right and his mouth tasted so sweet and she was completely helpless to deny him. 

“I think those boundaries were broken last weekend,” he breathed into her ear. “Probably around the same time you were telling me about your favorite color.”

Tessa let out a breath remembering the way it had felt sinking down onto him, the way she’d breathlessly relayed the information to him as he’d filled her. Her skin burned with desire at the memory and she closed her eyes for the briefest of moments, her hand falling against his chest. 

“Scott,” she breathed his name and watched the smirk press across his lips. 

“Mmm,” she heard his small, satisfied noise, “I love hearing you whisper my name.” 

She felt her face flush and wanted to stay in his arms forever, but pushed herself away from him and moved back toward her office. She felt his eyes on her as she walked down the hallway, sat back in her office chair, and attempted to continue the work she’d been doing. It was difficult, hearing him and Lily outside the door, talking and laughing as they colored a picture together. She tried to regain her focus, tried to finish her task, but all she could think about was the idea of the three of them on the ice together, her legs somewhat unsteady on their own but reassured by Scott’s touch. 

She managed another fifteen minutes before she closed her laptop, hoisting her purse onto her shoulder and grabbing for her keys. As she appeared from her office, pulling the door closed behind her, both Lily and Scott raised their eyes to look at her. 

“You’re finished?” He asked, and she nodded, smiling. 

“All right,” he grinned, glancing down at Lily. “You ready to go, kiddo?” 

Tessa settled into the passenger seat of Scott’s vehicle, glancing behind her at Lily who had been buckled securely into her car seat. Her legs kicked wildly in the air, dark hair flying around her face. Scott grinned at her in the rearview mirror before turning to Tessa. 

“So, exactly how long has it been since you’ve been skating?” He asked, glancing over at her. She smiled, shrugged. 

She didn’t want to tell him that it had been twenty-two years, that the last time she’d tied on a pair of skates had been the last time she’d been on the ice with him. It felt wrong, somehow, knowing it had been their shared love, a mutual interest that had brought them together so long ago and was now the basis of their reunification. She feels guilty in telling him that although ballet was the reason she gave up ice-dancing, he’s also to blame. She couldn’t step onto that slick surface without seeing his face, hearing his heartbreak, and it’s what’s kept her from returning. 

“A while,” she said, turning in the seat and looking out the windshield. “It’s been a long time.” 

He seemed to understand it was a sensitive subject for her and changed the topic, talked about Lily’s progress at the barre and her excitement about the recital. They discussed favorite foods and songs, which resulted in Lily performing an adorably abridged version of a Taylor Swift song, moving her tiny body rhythmically in her car seat as she sang out the words. Tessa laughed until she was breathless, throwing her head back and listening as Scott’s chuckle filled the air beside her. 

As Lily moved on to another topic, describing her best friend in her preschool class, Tessa couldn’t help but settle against her seat with a satisfied smile. This was what it was like, she realized, to have a family. People who loved you and wanted to spend time with you and didn’t care if you weren’t the best at something or if you didn’t have anything interesting to say, because there were always silly songs to sing, always something to laugh about. 

As they pulled into the parking lot of the skating rink, Tessa was overwhelmed with a strange emotion, one she hadn’t experienced since maybe she’d returned to London from Toronto after retiring from the ballet. 

It was the feeling of being home.

She stepped out of the car, glancing at the looming building, her eyes studying the structure. It was one of the rinks they’d trained regularly at as children, the very rink in which Scott had asked her to be his girlfriend when she was eight years old and felt very similarly about him as she felt now. 

Scott crossed the car, opening the door and unbuckling Lily’s car seat, helping her to the ground. Immediately, her tiny hand slipped within Tessa’s and she began to drag her toward the front entrance, her little legs moving as quickly as they possibly could.

“Hurry!” She called, and Tessa moved to keep up with her, hesitating only when they got to the front doors, glancing back to see Scott join them on the pavement. Lily pushed through the entrance, stepped into the long corridor and breathed a sigh of relief. 

The smell of the building was nearly overwhelming, and almost without realizing, Tessa stopped walking and turned, waiting for Scott. There was something about being in this building that left her mouth dry, made her heart race a little faster. She thought of all of the memories they’d made in this building, both good and bad. Suddenly, all she wanted was to be in his arms once more. 

As if he could read her mind, he reached out to brush his fingers over her arm. She met his eyes, suddenly unsure of herself. 

“You okay?” He asked, tracing his hand down her back. She nodded, forcing a smile. 

“Yep,” she looked toward him and then Lily. The excitement in her eyes was nearly palpable, and Tessa tried to capture her happiness, tried to think about how she’d once felt coming into this building, skating with Scott and feeling her hair blow in the cool breeze. She thought of when she’d been just a few years older than Lily and looked forward to coming to this building each day, and now Scott was instilling the same love for skating in his own daughter. 

She followed Lily, eyeing Scott as he shifted the duffle bag on his shoulder. They made their way to a bench beside the rink and Lily climbed onto it, sliding down to make room for both Tessa and Scott. Tessa watched as Scott pulled his black skates from the bag and offered Lily her own tiny white skates. She took them, Tessa noticing the fuzzy pink guards and smiling. 

“I didn’t bring any skates,” Tessa said dumbly. Scott reached into the bag, retrieving a larger pair of skates similar to Lily’s.

“I did,” he grinned at her. She looked at him, shook her head slightly, confused at his wherewithal. “My family’s skate shop.” 

It made sense suddenly and she nodded, taking the pair of fresh white skates from his hand. They were heavy, felt almost foreign in her hands, and she was taken back to the last time she’d worn a pair just like this, nearly identical, in fact. 

“How did you know my size?” She asked, and he shrugged, kneeling in front of Lily to begin tying her skates on for her. 

“Lucky guess,” he surmised, and Lily looked up at her, grinning. 

“Put your skates on, Miss Tessa!” She trilled, Scott catching her foot as she began to kick excitedly. He laughed and so did Lily, stilling her foot with a quiet, “Oops, sorry.” 

Tessa bent, unlacing the skates to slip her foot inside. They fit perfectly, almost as if they’d been made for her. She laced up the left one, then right, and studied her feet in the neat white skates. When they were snug, she glanced toward Lily, who was already pulling her skate guards off and standing. Scott finished tying on his own and stood as well, reaching for Lily with one hand and Tessa with the other. 

Tessa hesitated, watching him, and then stood. She took his hand as they walked to the rink’s opening, watching as Scott first stepped onto the ice and then held out his hands for Lily to join him. She took his fingers, stepped onto the slick surface, and steadied herself for several seconds before letting go of his hands. He and Tessa watched as she took a few unsteady steps before beginning to glide, her legs finding their stride and moving effortlessly over the ice. 

Scott turned toward Tessa, smiling at her. 

“Your turn,” he announced. 

She smiled back, but hesitated. 

“I don’t know,” she repeated, glancing over to watch as Lily glided over the ice. “Scott, it’s been a long time.” 

“I know,” he encouraged her gently, still smiling. “Too long. Come on, T.” 

She hesitated for another moment, worrying her lower lip between her teeth before reaching for his hands. When his fingers were tightened securely around hers, she took her first step, her right foot making contact with the cold surface before the other joined. 

She jerked unsurely, almost went down, and then steadied herself. Scott’s hands gripped hers tightly, making a noise of caution as he helped her regain her balance. 

“You’re okay,” he assured her. “I know it’s been a while, Tess, but you can do this. You just have to be confident in yourself.” 

“I am confident,” she regarded him, letting out a quiet sigh. “I’m confident on the dance floor. I’m confident in front of students. I’m confident in a leotard.” 

“And you were once confident enough to skate circles around me,” he teased her, his smile softening, fingers squeezing her hands gently. “Where’s that girl?” 

Tessa allowed her feet to move, took a few small strides before stuttering to a stop. 

“That girl took her skates off at twelve-years-old and never put them back on,” she disclosed quietly. He caught her eyes, the corner of his lips turning downward. He hadn’t expected it to be that long, she knew. It probably hurt, to hear that she’d completely given up something she’d once been so passionate about. 

“Well,” he cleared his throat after a moment, “you’re still the same girl. You’re just all grown up now.” 

She expected him to let go of her at that moment, to step away and expect her to do something amazing, wow him with her confidence, but to his credit, he didn’t release her. 

“You know all the secrets,” he fortified her. “You know the way to move your feet, the way to hold your posture. You just have to trust yourself.” 

“That’s the problem,” she laughed, “I don’t trust myself.” 

He narrowed his eyes at her, still smiling. 

“Well then trust me.”

She opened her mouth to tell him that somehow, incredibly, she did. Lily appeared beside them suddenly, grinning and rosy-cheeked from her first lap around the rink. 

“Good job, Miss Tessa!” She hopped a little on her skates, the blades digging into the ice. “Will you skate with me now?” She stretched her hand out to Tessa, who glanced sideways at her. 

“Maybe in a few minutes, baby,” Scott soothed her, much to Lily’s chagrin. “Why don’t you do two more laps and then I bet she’ll be ready.” 

Lily screwed her mouth up to one side, considered his compromise, and then nodded, racing away from them. Tessa watched her go. 

“She’s incredible,” she said softly, her own feet shuffling more surely now. “You’ve done a great job teaching her how to skate.” 

“You’ve done a great job teaching her how to dance,” he mused, and she smiled. 

They moved silently for several minutes, Tessa finding a surprising comfort and rhythm in the memory of her time on the ice. She felt steady enough to release one of Scott’s hands, her fingers still linked loosely with the other, though more for a sense of comfort than safety. 

“I was thinking about when we were little,” Tessa said finally, as they began to move together, her feet following the commands of her brain. 

“Oh yeah?” He wondered, looking toward her and then catching Lily’s eye on the opposite side of the rink, waving to her. “What about?” 

“Some of the memories we had here,” she answered, taking a deep breath as the cool air blew her hair around her face. “From seven all the way to twelve.” 

She heard him chuckle softly, glance toward her. 

“Why don’t you refresh my memory?” 

She laughed softly, shook her head. 

“It’s silly, one of the clearest memories I have. It was so traumatic at the time and now it just makes me laugh.” 

“Tell me,” he encouraged her. “I like laughing, too.” 

She shrugged, looking over at him. 

“I was eight,” she recalled, “It was a few months after the Ilderton carnival… you remember the carnival?” 

He scoffed in faux disbelief. 

“Of course I remember the carnival,” he breathed, and she looked toward him, his overgrown hair fluttering in the breeze they’d created through their movements. “And the Ferris wheel.” 

She felt herself flush, hadn’t realized that maybe he’d thought about that bittersweet moment as well over the years, the rush of first love and first kisses and the stickiness of cotton candy. 

“Yeah,” she nodded, “but the specific memory I’m referring to happened here. You were acting weird, and that part of my memory is so vivid. I kept trying to talk to you, to figure out what was wrong, but you wouldn’t say. And then, finally, you just said, ‘I can’t be your boyfriend anymore’ and told me your friends thought I was weird, and…” she glanced over at him, “and oh my God, I sound like an idiot, bringing this up after twenty-six years.” She laughed at herself, turning her face into her shoulder. 

He slowed a little, his fingers loosening within hers. She slowed as well, keeping his eyes. 

“No,” he shook his head, still smiling a little. “You’re not an idiot. If anyone’s an idiot, it’s me for dumping you like that.” He laughed then, and it felt good to hear him express pleasure. 

“You know you broke my heart,” she teased, flirting, fluttering her eyelashes at him, doing her best to do a little spin on the ice before him. She succeeded, for the most part, stumbling a little when she finished her rotation. He cried out, reaching out to grasp her wrists to steady her. She laughed, stumbling into his arms and he caught her, his fingertips brushing over her skin. 

“I was ten,” he defended playfully, “I didn’t realize what a catch you were.” 

She laughed again, leaning into him, their faces close. The sound of blades on ice was beside them suddenly and Lily appeared, grinning. 

“My turn!” She announced happily. Scott made a show of relinquishing Tessa’s hands and pretending to cry into his hands. Tessa grinned, pulling away from him and reaching gently for Lily’s hand. 

“Daddy,” she admonished him, “she’s not your teacher, she’s my teacher!” 

Tessa smiled down at her before looking back up at Scott with a wink. 

“Yeah, Mr. Moir, I’m her teacher, not yours.” 

“I beg to differ, Miss Virtue,” Scott shot back. "You've taught me so many invaluable things already." Tessa felt herself flush and then Lily was pulling her away, skating slowly beside her, watching her carefully. 

Tessa kept up with her pace, gripping the little girl’s tiny, cold hand. She watched her with guarded curiosity. 

“You’re a really great skater, Lily,” Tessa complimented her, eyeing her hat. “Do you want to play for the Maple Leafs one day?” 

Lily looked up at her, confusion clouding her eyes. 

“No,” she shook her head, “I want to be a ballerina, like you!”

“Oh,” Tessa felt herself grinning, tightening her fingers in Lily’s grip. “Well, you could be an ice dancer. That’s like being an ice skater and a ballerina at the same time.” 

“That’s what you and My Daddy did!” She was suddenly intrigued, interest sparkling in her dark eyes. 

“Yes,” Tessa responded, “before I decided to become a full-time ballerina.” 

“Oh,” Lily said, as if everything were beginning to make sense. “Hey! Watch me!” 

She released Tessa’s hand and did an approximation of a pirouette on the ice, raising her hands above her head and finishing with both feet on the ice.

“Now you do it!” She challenged Tessa, laughing, her tiny white teeth on display. Tessa hesitated, considered telling her no, but the joy in Lily’s face was contagious and she made a great show of extending her arms elegantly above her head, her right foot pushing herself into a spin, pressing gently against the opposite leg. It was simple enough to begin, but when she went to stop herself, her foot slipped out from under her and she slid onto the ice, scraping her knee on the way down and landing on her bottom. She cried out, more from shock than pain, and attempted to pull herself into a standing position, falling onto the ice again. 

Lily shrieked, called for Scott and then hurried over to her, taking her hands in an attempt to help her up. 

“Miss Tessa, are you okay?” Her tiny voice was worried, anxious, and Tessa grinned, shook her head. Scott arrived beside them, watching Tessa with barely contained amusement, offering her a hand and pulling her onto her feet. 

“I’m okay, Lily,” Tessa assured her, straightening her skirt. Lily gasped suddenly, bent, her hands on her knees. 

“Oh no, you have a boo-boo!” The little girl sank to her knees, placing a gentle kiss on the scraped skin. She looked worriedly up to Scott. “Daddy, Miss Tessa got a boo-boo!”

“Oh, no,” he frowned, over-exaggerated concern marking his face, looking to Tessa with a faint smile. “Do you need another kiss to feel better, Miss Virtue?”

Before Tessa could answer, Lily frowned at him. 

“Her name is Miss Tessa,” she announced seriously. 

“Don’t worry, baby,” Scott reassured her, “She likes when I call her Miss Virtue.” 

Tessa narrowed her eyes at him, pursing her lips. Her knee was sore, stinging with the ache of her fall, but she forced herself to straighten and stand. 

Without speaking, Scott moved closer to her, pressing a gentle kiss upon her cheek. His lips were soft and warm and Tessa wanted to turn her head into the kiss, take it further and meet his lips. He pulled away, smiling at her. 

“How’s that?” He asked. Tessa nodded, dipping her head. 

“Better,” she smiled at him. 

“Maybe you should stay with my Daddy,” Lily advised her suddenly, backing away from the situation before she could be witness to further physical harm. They laughed as she skated away, Scott’s eyes following her. He took Tessa’s hand, guided her to the edge of the rink and placed a gentle hand on her as she stepped onto the floor. He followed, still watching Lily make her way around the rink as he guided Tessa to a bench. 

She sank onto the bench, studying her knee curiously. It would be a hell of a bruise tomorrow, she knew, and she’d need to wear her tights for the next few days to avoid any questions from curious students. Scott leaned down as well, studied her knee and then lifted her leg onto his lap. 

“Nothing a little ice won’t help,” he smiled at her, tracing his fingertips over her jawline. She turned her face into his touch, kissed his fingertips. There was an overwhelming softness within her, the desire to turn and settle against his chest and sink into his embrace. 

“Watching you with Lily is so surreal,” he acknowledged after a moment, looking between the two of them. “It’s like, half the time I see you as eight-years-old yourself and I’m still that ten-year-old idiot who broke your heart.”

She laughed gently. 

“I was kidding,” she teased. And she had been. At least mostly. 

“I know,” he smiled at her. “But I wasn’t. At least not about realizing what a catch you were.” 

Tessa caught her breath, looked at him. 

“Tess,” he said her name, and it was beautiful, “I know we have memories from when we were kids, but I’d like to continue making new ones with you.” He watched her for a moment. “And I want to watch you make them with Lily, too. She needs someone like you. She needs a…” he paused, lips already forming the word before closing his mouth. “Well, she wants you in her life. And I want you in mine, too.” 

“Okay,” Tessa nodded, hopeful but cautious. She felt like she was a child again, watching him with eyes full of wonder, eyes that saw only the best parts of him. 

“And I know it might not be what’s right for you professionally, but it’s what’s right for Lily, and for me. And I hope that it’s right for you, too.” 

“What’s right for me?” She asked, lifting her chin just a little to meet his eyes. 

“Being my girlfriend,” he answered, no trace of the uncertainty he’d possessed at ten years old. "What do you think about that?" 

Tessa felt her skin flush pink, smiled, dipped her head. His hand sought out hers, curling his fingers into her palm. 

“Oh, me?” Tessa asked, feigning the same disinterest she had that night at the restaurant, the first night they’d ended up at his home. “No.” 

She leaned in and kissed him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2!

_It’s storming, and Tessa is afraid._

_She usually doesn’t mind storms, even likes to watch the lightning flash and listen as the thunder rattles the house. Usually her mom has to drag her inside and out of the rain; she’s always trying to get in one more trip around the block on her bike or one last goal in hockey against her brothers. But tonight is different._

_It’s late (ten-thirty) and dark and she’s alone in a hotel room. She and her mom are staying overnight for a competition in Mississauga and Scott and his mom are in the room next door, only both of their moms are out for a late dinner and she’s supposed to be asleep. She’s tried to sleep for thirty minutes, tried to be obedient and go to bed right at ten when her mom instructed, but it’s storming and she’s afraid._

_For a moment, she wonders if Scott is afraid too, but he’s twelve now (just last month, actually) and she guesses he isn’t afraid of kid stuff like storms, even when they are hours away from home in a strange hotel room. He’s probably more worried about their competition tomorrow, and so is she, but it’s the imminent fear of being left alone on a stormy night that has caused the sudden and inexplicable fear to creep into her mind._

_She squeezes her eyes shut, clutches her Marvin the Martian pillow beneath her head and tries to sleep again. She stays that way for a good five minutes, and she almost feels herself start to drift off when a clap of thunder causes the room around her to shudder and before she fully realizes what she’s doing she’s out of the bed and shoving her tiny feet into her slippers. She grabs her pillow, clutches it tightly to her chest and breaks for the hotel room door. She’s nervous to leave the comfort of the hotel room, but the desire to be with Scott overpowers any lingering anxiety she may have._

_It's crazy and she knows Scott’s probably already asleep, but her knees are trembling and all she can think about is getting to him, having someone with whom she can wait out the storm, and she doesn’t know when her mom will be back. She remembers to grab her hotel room key before slipping out of the room, hesitating for only a moment before she raises her fist to knock on Scott’s door._

_It’s quiet, and there’s no response, and for a moment she’s afraid that she’s going to have to retreat back to her room and hide under the blankets like a baby until her mom finally comes home. But just as she starts to turn away, the door opens slowly and Scott is blinking at her, confusion evident in his eyes._

_“Tess?” He says her name, “what’s wrong?”_

_She knows she must look like such a baby, standing in her pajamas in the hotel hallway, clutching the Marvin the Martian pillow he gave to her. She looks at him in his t-shirt and black shorts and wishes that she’d thought to change into something a little more grown-up than a kitten nightgown and a pair of pink, fuzzy pajama pants._

_“Can I come in?” She asks, and he doesn’t even ask why, just stands aside to allow her to enter. She walks into the room, still clutching her pillow to her chest, and he eyes her. The TV is on, but the volume is muted and he doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping._

_“Are you okay?” He asks, and it makes him sound and look so much older than he actually is. Even at twelve, he feels decades her senior and standing here as he looks at her in her colorful pajamas makes her feel even younger._

_“Yeah,” she finds her voice after a moment, studying him in the darkness. “I’m just… I’m a little scared.”_

_“Aww, what’re you scared of?”_

_He says it in a teasing way, almost as if he’s making fun of her, but then a bolt of lightning illuminates the room and the thunder crashes so loud it sounds like they’re inside a drum and suddenly they’re standing closer together and she knows she hasn’t moved. When she meets his eyes again, she sees the fear in them, but she doesn’t tease him like he teased her._

_“It’s just a storm,” he says, but he suddenly sounds a lot less confident than he had. Still, he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his dark eyes watching her. “You’re not scared of storms.”_

_She can’t put into words why tonight has her feeling so unsettled, but she shakes her head, pulls the pillow tighter to her chest._

_“I’m nervous,” she says suddenly, deciding it’s an easier emotion to explain. “About tomorrow.”_

_“Oh,” he says, nodding, as if it makes sense suddenly. “Yeah, so am I.”_

_She stands before him, hesitates, and then asks the question._

_“Can I sleep in here with you?”_

_He blinks, stutters._

_“I don’t- Tess, I- what if-“_

_She watches him, not understanding. He looks flushed suddenly, even in the dim light of the television, and she feels her lower lip beginning to protrude, trembling with the desire to hold back her tears. He must recognize the look on her face, see the way she begins to lower her eyes to the floor, and then he’s sighing._

_“Aw, T, don’t cry.” His shoulders slump and she buries her head in her pillow, wiping away the hot tears already beginning to burn the corners of her eyes. “Look… okay, come on.”_

_He sighs, and she wipes at her eyes before looking up at him. He’s already moving back to his bed, pulling the blankets down and gesturing to her, encouraging her to climb in. She scrambles onto the mattress, crawls to the headboard and slides beneath the blankets. It takes him only a moment to slide in beside her._

_He’s hesitant to move closer to her at first, keeps at least a foot away from her, but then she relaxes beneath the blankets and tucks the pillow she’s brought with her beneath her head and she feels his weight settle beside her. She curls against him, feeling him tense suddenly, wondering why he’s acting so strange. They nap together all the time in the car, it’s practically a ritual at this point. She throws her arm over her chest, lays on her side to face him._

_It’s impossible for him to keep his distance now and he moves closer to her, his head resting on the pillow beside hers. She smiles at him, feels his warmth and heartbeat even as the storm rages outside._

_“You know you shouldn’t worry too much about tomorrow,” he says, his voice calm and quiet in the darkness of the hotel room. “Mom says she thinks we’ll win.”_

_“Thinking about it doesn’t make it happen,” she points out; he quiets. She immediately feels guilty for crushing his confidence, knows that he was saying it just to make her feel better, so she adds: “But she’s right. We’re gonna win.”_

_She hears him sigh, presses her head closer to his. She can smell his shampoo and deodorant and studies his profile in the darkness. She wonders if he’s started to shave yet. Her brothers shave, and so does Jordan. His face looks really soft, but she’s never seen him with any dark stubble and he looks ten like her, maybe even younger, especially after her mom puts make-up on her face._

_“Your mom’s gonna freak if she comes back to your room and you’re not there,” Scott tells her, but his voice is already softer. He’s watching out for her, like he always does._

_“No she won’t,” Tessa says, but she knows he’s right. She doesn’t want her mom to worry, but she also doesn’t want to go back to her room and be alone. “Anyway, I just wanna sleep in here for a little bit. Just until they get back. Then I’ll go back to my room.”_

_She believes the words as she says them, but her eyes are already closing and her mind is already feeling so much sleepier._

_The rest of the night passes with Tessa in his bed._

*   
Tessa’s eyes fluttered, opened. It was early, much earlier than she normally awoke, and the sun was barely beginning to peek in through the curtains. She recognized immediately that she wasn’t in her own bedroom, but it took her a long moment to realize exactly whose bedroom she was in: Scott’s. 

She turned, saw his prone form beside her, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. He was asleep, breathing heavily, bare chested. She allowed her eyes to trace his skin, resisted the urge to lean in and kiss his jaw, work her hand down his body until she found his penis, worked it into an erection. She denied herself this opportunity, knew from glancing over at the clock that it was nearly ten past seven in the morning and that she needed to be going. 

Tessa had asked last night, after they’d had sex and both laid spent and wasted, draped over the other. She’d thought of what might happen if Lily saw her here, but Scott had brushed off her concern. 

“She sleeps in on Sunday mornings,” he’d promised her. Tessa had wondered, had doubted his words, but accepted them as truth. But his thumbs had found her waist, traced over the sharp jut of her hip. “She won’t ever know you stayed the night.”

Tessa thought of the previous evening, the way Lily had watched her with dark eyes as Scott had tucked her into bed, perched on the edge of her mattress. Tessa had stood in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, watching as he spoke to her, his voice full of love. He’d brushed a kiss over her head, and with a confidence that only Scott would be able to muster, he’d pulled the baseball cap from Lily’s head and hung it on one of the bedposts. 

Tessa had almost gasped, seeing her without the hat. She looked smaller somehow, more vulnerable, and Tessa could see the pattern of Lily’s hair growth where she hadn’t before, the way her bangs brushed to the side. 

“Goodnight Lily bug,” he’d whispered to her, his fingers affectionately tracing the line of her jaw. “I love you so much.” 

“Goodnight, Daddy,” Lily had returned, “I love you.” Her eyes had drifted to Tessa, a tiny smirk curling the corners of her lips. “Goodnight, Miss Tessa.”

“Goodnight, Lily,” Tessa had whispered, waggling her fingers at her in a quiet gesture before Scott turned on the little girl’s nightlight, cracked the door, and joined her in the hallway. 

They’d retreated to the living room, started a movie that she didn’t believe either of them had any intention of finishing. She was right; by thirty minutes in, she’d crawled onto his lap found his mouth. He’d carried her from the living room into his bedroom, kicking the door shut gently behind him. 

They’d had sex at least three times; she’d lost count after the fifth orgasm he’d given to her. They’d fallen asleep somewhere around two in the morning, exhausted and breathless. 

She wanted to sleep again now, hated being up early. She wanted to turn into his arms, bury her face in his shoulder and let herself drift back into sleep. She wanted to linger here all day, in his bed, in his arms, but she knew she couldn’t. Instead, she leaned in, pressed a kiss against his chest. 

She didn’t want to wake him, he looked so peaceful; but she also didn’t want to leave without telling him goodbye. It felt to antiquated to leave a note, too impersonal to send a text message for him to see when he finally pulled himself out of bed. 

The kiss didn’t cause him to stir, and she took him upon herself to pepper a few more over his warm skin until he groaned softly, turned in his sleep. She pulled back, watching him, smiling at the peace on his face. Slowly, his eyes opened, blinking, looking at her sleepily. 

“Hey, T,” he said, his voice groggy with sleep. “What time is it?” 

“Ten after seven,” she murmured, leaning down once more to brush her lips over his chest. “I should go.” 

“I don’t want you to go,” he pleaded, finding her fingers and tangling them with his own. “Stay.” 

“I can’t,” she shook her head, pressed her lips to his in a moment of finality. “Lily can’t see me here. She’s smart. She’ll know I stayed all night. You know she’ll ask questions.” 

Her words caused him to frown, and she saw the realization in his eyes.

“Okay,” he sighed after a moment. “Okay. Come on, I’ll walk you out.” 

He slid out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt and shorts, watched as Tessa slipped into her own clothes. She glanced back at him, grinned, ran her fingers through her hair to release the tangles. 

“Maybe you should start keeping a toothbrush here,” he teased, coming around and placing a kiss on her shoulder. “You know… just in case.” 

“Oh yeah?” She wondered, “Is that what you say to all of your girlfriends?”

“Nah,” he kissed her again, let his lips linger. “Just the ones I don’t want to see leave.” 

She grinned at him once more, reached down to take his hand as they made their way out of his bedroom. As they entered the hall, Scott paused. 

“I’m going to go check on Lily in her room. I’ll meet you at the front door, yeah?” He hesitated for a moment, let his fingers fall from hers and disappeared down the hall. Tessa pressed herself to her tip-toes, walking silently across the floor and through the hallway and living room. She paused at the entrance to the foyer, a voice alerting her. 

“Miss Tessa?” It was Lily. Tessa turned, her eyes falling upon the little girl curled on the couch beneath a blanket, watching her with wide eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Tessa swore beneath her breath, looking around desperately for Scott, who appeared in the hallway suddenly. 

“She’s not in her room,” he said, voice full of confusion. Tessa blinked at him, nodded toward the couch. He saw his daughter and smiled softly. “Oh. Good morning, Lily.”

Lily didn’t respond, looked back and forth between Scott and Tessa. 

“Oh,” Tessa heard herself beginning to stammer, “I… I was here late last night, remember Lily? I watched you get tucked in? And then your Daddy and I watched a movie and I… I was so sleepy I just fell asleep right on the couch.”

Lily blinked, narrowed her eyes and then looked at Tessa as if she’d grown another head. 

“You weren’t on the couch.”

“Shit,” Tessa swore softly. Lily looked bemused, grinned. 

“Did you have a sleepover?” Lily asked excitedly, glancing toward Scott. “With my daddy?” 

Tessa and Scott looked to one another, Tessa’s mind whirring with ideas, excuses, ways to get out of this conversation without admitting guilt to a three-year-old. 

“Well, I-” Tessa began.

“Yes,” Scott said at the same time. Tessa looked toward him suddenly, hissing. He looked sheepishly at her, shrugged. “Miss Tessa had a sleepover. But it’s very important that you don’t tell any of your friends at dance class, okay?” 

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, shook her head. 

“Why not?” 

“Well…” Scott paused, considered Lily’s question. Tessa watched him, intrigued. “Well because your friends might get sad that Miss Tessa can’t have sleepovers at their house. And we don’t want to make your friends sad.” 

Lily considered this for a moment, nodded. 

“Okay.” 

Scott released a breath and they watched as Lily’s attention was drawn back to a cartoon on the television. He crossed the room to Tessa, placing a hand on the small of his back and pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“I’ll call you later,” he promised, his voice low as her hand found the doorknob. 

“Yeah,” she shrugged, slipping from beneath his touch just as he moved to kiss her once more. “And after that pathetic excuse for a lie you’ll be lucky if I pick up.” 

His face fell. She laughed and kissed him. 

“I’ll see you at class on Tuesday.”

**

She was in her office Tuesday afternoon when she heard the rap at the door of the studio. She sat for a moment, listening, and then rose from her seat to make her way down the hallway. She wasn’t surprised to see Scott and Lily standing outside, Scott holding an umbrella to shield both of them from the driving rain. She was surprised, however, to see the look of distress on Scott’s face and hurried to the door, unlocking it and allowing them to step inside. 

Lily raced in first, shaking out of her raincoat like a wet dog and slipping out of it, already intending to stay despite not being invited to do so. Tessa glanced at her and then back to Scott, who was closing the umbrella. He left it outside the front door, stepped inside and ran a hand through his damp hair. 

Tessa looked to him, confusion furrowing her brows. He was serious, his eyes dark. She hadn’t seen him this way since that day he’d appeared at her house the morning after he’d left her at the charity event. He’d been humbled then, and it was the same look that stained his countenance now. 

“What is it?” She asked, feeling her breath escape her. He studied her, seemed to realize that she could sense the tension in the moment and his frown faltered a little, forced a tiny smile to his lips. 

“Oh,” he breathed, “it’s… it’s nothing. There’s just… well, there’s been an issue with one of my students. I have to run to the rink. It’s… it shouldn’t take long, but I can’t take Lily. There’s a thing…” he paused, allowed his tongue to dart out and wet his lips. “It’s just not a great environment for her.” 

It occurred to Tessa how odd his wording was; a rink wasn’t a great environment for a child? She thought of all the time they’d spent in arenas, wanted to ask exactly what he meant, but he was already speaking again. 

“I’d just need a couple of hours,” he explained, “can you watch her? I mean can she stay here with you? Just for a little bit?” 

Tessa wanted to say no; she wasn’t a babysitter. She worked with children one-on-one, of course, but it was always in a professional setting, always in an individual practice session. Even as a teenager, she’d been too busy with her career to spend her Saturday evenings babysitting. She’d never been around kids, and it was for this reason she considered telling him that she was sorry but she couldn’t. 

But his eyes were so dark, so full of concern and worry that she couldn’t find the words to tell him no. Instead, she nodded. 

“Yeah… okay. I mean, you won’t be gone long?” 

It wasn’t the idea of being alone with Lily, at least not really. He was, after all, her boyfriend’s daughter, and if she expected things to progress with Scott, she knew she’d have to take a more prominent role in the little girl’s life. And as far as children went, Lily was a great kid. She was funny, witty, smart. It wasn’t Lily, per se, but more so the fact that she’d never really allowed herself to get close with a child in more than a strictly professional way. 

“No,” he swore, and he was already moving toward Lily, explaining that he needed to leave but that he’d be back soon, brushing a kiss over her cheek and running a comforting hand down her back. He was already heading back toward Tessa despite Lily’s confused look, taking her into his arms and embracing her quickly. “Give me two hours, okay?” He glanced at the clock that hung on the wall across from them. “I’ll be back by the time class starts. Five o’clock.” 

His voice was strained and she could hear the anxiety that rose in his throat. 

“Okay. Take your time.” Her eyes searched his face, “You’re scaring me a little bit. Is everything okay?” 

He caught his breath, pressed his lips together before leaning in and brushing a kiss onto her cheek.

“It will be,” he offered her a tiny, strained smile. “And thank you.” 

She nodded, watched as he pushed his way out of the building, grabbed his umbrella and opened it. He hesitated under the awning for only a moment before pushing his way into the rain. Her eyes tracked him as he made his way to his car. When she turned to look at Lily, she was watching, as well. 

“Where’s Daddy going?” She asked, and her voice sounded tiny and scared. Tessa smiled at her, moved into her office to pick up her cup of coffee before heading toward Lily.

“He’s just going to the rink for a little bit,” she explained, taking a seat at the table at which Lily had begun to scribble on a piece of paper. A rainbow of crayons was spread out before her, the red one currently curled between her fingers. 

“Why didn’t he take me?” Lily asked, her dark brown eyes meeting Tessa’s. 

“Oh,” Tessa breathed, “I don’t know, Lily. He said it wasn’t a good place for you to be.” 

Lily’s dark eyebrows furrowed, she seemed to consider this for a moment before lowering her eyes to her paper once more. 

“He always takes me,” she mumbled, her voice quiet. Tessa studied her for a moment, took a piece of paper from a stack on the table and plucked a purple crayon from the pile. She made an aimless arc on the paper, her eyes traveling back to the little girl. 

“What are you drawing?” She wondered. Lily looked up at her and blinked. 

“A pony,” Lily answered after a brief moment of silence. Her dark eyes moved to Tessa’s paper. “What are you drawing?” 

Tessa frowned down at her own paper, studied the curve of the line, and then smiled up at Lily. 

“A flower.”

Lily smiled, her face brightening. She leaned forward, watched as Tessa finished the arc, curving it into a petal and then drawing several more of the same size and shape. Lily leaned on her forearms, her eyes following Tessa’s movements. When Tessa had exchanged her purple crayon for a green one and drew a stem, Lily made a quiet noise of amazement. 

“Wow! Miss Tessa, it’s beautiful!” She tilted her head, considered the picture. “What kind of flower is it?” 

Tessa looked up at her, smiled. 

“It’s a lily.” 

The little girl beamed, took the paper between her fingers and studied it. Slowly, her gaze slid from the drawing to Tessa’s face. Lily chewed on her lower lip, furrowed her brows. She appeared to be deeply considering her words, and then she spoke. Tessa lifted her coffee cup, took a sip.

“Are you going to be my new mommy?” 

The coffee was nearly expelled and Tessa coughed as she choked it down, her throat tightening at the words. Lily watched her with wide, unblinking eyes as she struggled to catch her breath, wiping desperately at her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“What? Lily… who told you that?” 

“Nobody told me,” Lily answered, shaking her head. “But you kissed my Daddy. And Daddy only kisses me and he used to kiss my mommy.”

Tessa allowed her tongue to dart out, wetting her lips. She chewed on her lip for a moment. 

“Lily, I’m not… I mean, we haven’t… your daddy and I are just friends,” she grasped. 

Lily gave her a dubious look, and in the moment she looked so much like Scott that she nearly burst into laughter. It was unbelievable, this little girl who so strongly resembled her father in so many ways. She was funny, smart, beautiful. Tessa suddenly had the urge to pull her into her arms, tell Lily that if she was going to be a mommy, there would be no better child to mother. Instead, Tessa allowed her shoulders to fall, a sigh escaping her lips. 

“You’re too smart, you know that, don’t you?” Tessa questioned her. Lily grinned, ducked beneath her Maple Leafs cap. 

“Daddy calls me smarty pants,” Lily returned. Tessa nodded. 

“You definitely are.” 

Lily watched her intently for a moment. 

“Miss Tessa, can we dance? I wore my tutu.” She stood from her chair, brushed her fingers proudly along the frilly tulle before frowning. “But I didn’t bring my slippers.” 

It wasn’t something she normally did. Babysitting was one thing, offering free lessons was another completely. But it wasn’t really a lesson, was it? Lily wasn’t asking for help, wasn’t seeking extra unpaid tutelage. She was just a little girl, and she wanted to dance. The excitement and hope on her face had Tessa rising from her own chair, moving to her office as she spoke. 

“I have some extra slippers in my office,” she explained, pushing the door open and kneeling beneath her desk, fishing through a box that contained several new pairs of pink ballet shoes. She located the smallest size, pulled them from the container and reappeared in the doorway. 

Lily was standing before her, grinning, and immediately Tessa noticed the difference. She couldn’t place it at first and her eyes traced her tiny form, toes to head, before she realized. 

The hat was gone. The Maple Leafs cap she’d worn every time Tessa had seen her, the one that she’d only taken off when Scott had tucked her into bed this past weekend. But she’d had the hat on just moments before Tessa had ducked into the office in search of spare ballet slippers. 

“Oh, no,” Tessa whispered the words in an attempt not to alarm Lily. “Lily, your hat. Where’s your hat? Your daddy’s going to kill me if you lost your hat.” 

She hurried through the space, peeking beneath chairs and tables, behind doors and even outside into the rain before she turned to find Lily watching her inquisitively. 

“My hat is right there,” she raised a hand, pointed to the cap, hanging on a tiny hook in a cubby used for students’ personal belongings. “I put it in my cubby.”

The floor could have fallen out from beneath them at that moment and Tessa wasn’t sure she could have been any more surprised. She caught her breath, felt her lips part in disbelief. She’d taken the hat off on purpose. She’d taken it off in front of her, alone with her. It was louder than anything Lily could have said, more powerful than anything she could have consciously done to display the level of her trust. 

She knew she shouldn’t react, her years of working with children had taught her to downplay events. She knew that she should smile at Lily, maybe thank her for removing her cap indoors and then move on. She should offer up the ballet slippers, acknowledge that she looked pretty without the worn hat covering her head and blocking her vision. 

She knew all of these things, but the instinct to sweep her into a hug was greater than her knowledge, and Tessa crossed the room, knelt on the floor beside her, and pulled her into a hug. 

“Oh, Lily,” she breathed her name, smelled her. She smelled like baby shampoo and lotion, clean laundry and the faintest scent of apples. “Lily girl, I’m so proud of you.” 

She felt Lily’s tiny arms come around her, little fingers scratching soothingly at her back. Tessa held her for another long moment, eyes closed, enjoying the feel of the child in her arms. Finally, she pulled back, held Lily gently by her arms, gazed into her dark eyes. 

“You took your hat off,” Tessa finally acknowledged, blinking to keep her tears at bay. 

Lily smiled, chewed on her lip. 

“I don’t have to wear my hat with you anymore,” she shrugged, as if it were suddenly the easiest thing in the world. “You’re my friend.”

Tessa pressed her lips together, smiled despite the tears that threatened the back of her eyes. 

“Yeah,” Tessa whispered, tracing her fingers over the little girl’s tiny face. “And you’re my Lily. My little flower.” 

Scott wasn’t back by four-fifty, and as parents and children began to filter into the studio, she glanced toward Lily, who had already become involved in a conversation with a pair of young siblings in her class. Tessa sighed, glanced toward the clock, smiled as a mother from the program approached her, eyeing Lily. 

“Lily’s dad isn’t here?” She wondered, glancing around before eyeing her own daughter. “That’s too bad. I look forward to seeing him every week. He’s cute, right?” 

Tessa forced a smile, dipped her shoulders. 

“You think so?” 

“I do,” the other woman grinned at her. “It’s a shame he’s working things out with his ex.”

Tessa felt her stomach turn in a nauseating wave. She pressed her lips together, her teeth clenched. It was inevitable, this gossip. Even in a prestigious dance academy, there were bound to be parents who claimed to know everyone’s business, people who liked to dredge up the drama and keep everyone on their metaphorical toes. 

“Oh?” Tessa feigned interest, though she was still looking for Scott. Where in the hell was he? It had been over two hours; he should be here by now. Lily was preoccupied and chattering excitedly to her friends, the other children were ready to move onto the dance floor. It wasn’t that she couldn’t start class without Scott in attendance, but the memory of his erratic behavior and the way he’d hurried out of the building earlier this afternoon had scared her. What if something had happened to him? 

“Yeah,” the mother of her student sighed. “I saw them at lunch this afternoon. He’s too cute for her.” 

Tessa blinked, turned to her. The façade of indifference had faded. 

“What?” She asked, her voice breaking before she’d had a chance to steady herself. Her heart felt heavy, her mind felt dizzy. It wasn’t true, she knew. It was all gossip. It hadn’t been Scott. 

“Afraid so,” the mother responded. “I asked where Lily was. He said she was with a friend.” She said these last words with condemnation, raised her eyebrows at Tessa. There was an unspoken accusation in her words, her glare, but Tessa suddenly didn’t care. She could think only of Scott, of his emergency… the way he’d rushed from the building. The way he’d left Lily here, despite the fact that he took her to the rink almost daily. The way he’d pressed a kiss to her cheek just before leaving.

He’d left his daughter in her care while he’d been on a date with his ex-wife. She felt sick suddenly, wanted to rush to the bathroom and vomit into the toilet as she thought of the way he’d touched her, the way he’d been inside her as recently as Saturday night. She thought of the way he’d joked about her leaving a toothbrush at his house, the way Lily had watched her with big eyes, had asked: _Are you going to be my new mommy?_

He wasn’t just lying to Tessa, he was lying to Lily, too, and that was the most difficult thing to understand. She didn’t want to believe it, couldn’t believe it. It was a rumor, likely made up by a group of parents who had seen the way she lingered around Scott and didn’t like the fact that their child’s ballet teacher was fraternizing with another parent. She’d already made up her mind not to believe the accusation, to wait until she had a chance to talk to Scott, to get the truth. 

But at that moment, she saw him enter the building, dipping his head to get out of the rain. And when his eyes met hers, she saw the guilt in them, and she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where was Scott? Who was he with? Why can't we get a get a HQ video of The Shape Of You?? Find out this and more (except maybe The Shape of You video) in part 2!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the wait. I've been having some personal stuff going on. Life has gotten me down. I will get back up.

He seemed to sense that something was different, she could feel it in the way he watched her during class. Once, when she inadvertently met his eyes, he glanced away. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach, wished desperately that her suspicions were wrong, but when class was over and the children rushed back into the lobby to greet their parents, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. 

She didn’t know what to say, wasn’t sure what to do. It wasn’t as if they were strangers who could walk away from one another. She didn’t want to ignore him, wasn’t even sure she could. His draw was magnetic; she couldn’t stay away from him even as her heart ached at the thought that maybe he was working on rekindling his relationship with his ex-wife. What other explanation could there be? 

“Tessa,” he said her name once the parents had trickled from the building, his heavy gaze upon her. She looked toward him, tried to force a smile. 

“How’s your student?” She asked, and she knew it was a loaded question. If he lied, if he made up a story about one of his students, she knew it was over. She couldn’t continue to look at him, date him, fall in love with him. She couldn’t be with someone who lied to her, no matter the reason.

And God, she’d grown to care so much for him in the short time they’d been reacquainted. He’d brought her so much happiness, more than she’d maybe ever known. The idea that all of that could possibly slip through her fingers depending on the next words he said made her feel nauseous. 

His tongue darted out to wet his lips, he made a soft, strangled noise, and then reached out, took her gently by the elbow. With Lily’s eyes watching, he led Tessa to her office, cleared his throat and took a step back from her. She watched him with hard green eyes, questioning him. 

“I’m sorry,” he began, shaking his head slowly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, but I-”

“But what, Scott?” She demanded, “You thought I wouldn’t babysit your kid if you told me you had a date with your ex-wife?” 

Her words were sharper than she’d intended, and she suddenly felt ashamed for the way she’d reacted so prematurely. She wasn’t giving him a chance to explain himself, wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt that she desperately wanted to be the case. She felt her face flushing, felt herself trembling, and forced herself to sink into her office chair. She wasn’t known for her emotional outbursts, despite what Scott may have thought based on their hot-and-heavy relationship. She was used to being the stoic one in a conversation, listening before making any snap-judgements, but the thought of his betrayal made her skin burn with frustration and shame. 

He was watching her with dark, concerned eyes, his mouth set in a firm line. 

“It’s not what you think,” he defended quietly, his voice dry. “It wasn’t anything like that. I didn’t see her because I wanted to. I saw her because… because she’s threatening to try to get custody of Lily.” 

Tessa watched him guardedly. She felt warm and embarrassed at the way she’d reacted, the fact that she’d believed someone who was, for all intents and purposes, a total stranger before she’d given Scott so much as a chance to explain himself. Still, he had lied. He had deceived her and she’d trusted him. She chewed on her lower lip, averted her gaze from him for a moment. 

“Okay,” she breathed finally, “but you could have told me… I would have understood.” 

“Would Lily have understood?” He asked, his voice sharper than she’d heard it before. When she met his gaze, there were tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry that I lied to you, Tessa, but it wasn’t to hurt you. It was to spare the feelings of my three-year-old. It’s easier for her to believe that I need to go help one of my students than to tell her that her mother is trying like hell to get custody.”

Tessa felt the air leave her lungs. 

“What? Scott, how?” 

“She thinks being a parent is a voluntarily position. She can disappear when it’s inconvenient and reappear when she’s in a good place. She doesn’t seem to understand that it’s kind of an all-or-nothing job. And she’s already pretty much mastered the art of disappearing, so now she has to practice showing up to make my life miserable.” 

He was speaking quickly, with so much emotion in his voice that he was beginning to stumble over his words. He paused, and she saw his Adam’s apple quivering, watched as he dropped his head, wiped at his eyes before looking back up to her. 

She sat quietly, watching him, eyes darting beyond the room to glance at Lily, who had returned to her drawings at the table. 

“I… I guess I don’t understand,” she admitted after a moment, her eyebrows furrowing. “I know Lily’s mom hasn’t been in her life, but I thought… well, I guess I assumed Lily didn’t see her mom because it was her choice, not because you were actively working to keep it from happening.”

She saw him swallow, heard him sigh. 

“That’s because I didn’t tell you the whole story.” 

Tessa sat still, quiet. Listening. 

“Jenna liked to party. She liked to go out, drink with her friends. She was a physical trainer, but she drank more than anyone else I knew. She could hold her alcohol, too, for the most part. That was part of what attracted me to her; she was fun. She never made me feel guilty for drinking too much, even when I knew I’d reached my limit. She could keep her shape, but I couldn’t, so I stopped drinking, and then she found out she was pregnant.” He paused for a moment, narrowed his eyes at the memory. 

“To my surprise, she stopped drinking. Nine months later, Lily was born, and I was so in love with her. She was so incredibly perfect, and she became my focus, my priority. Everything I did was for Lily, and Jenna went back to drinking. She had so many friends, there was always someone for her to go out with. We started to have problems, and that was hard, but it was between us. But one night, she was drinking, and I was coaching, and she put Lily in the car. She drove drunk with our daughter. There was an accident, Lily ended up being checked out at the hospital, and I just… that was it. Luckily, the police were involved and there was documented proof that she’d been drinking, so once the divorce came about, getting full custody was somewhat easier.”

Tessa’s eyes flew to Lily, studying her through the glass window. She was hunched over her paper, a green crayon curled in her fingers. She seemed to sense Tessa’s gaze upon her and lifted her head, their eyes meeting. Lily’s lips curled into a soft smile. Tessa returned her smile, felt a sickness rising in her throat as she watched the little girl, thought about how differently things could have been. 

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, tearing her eyes away from Lily and looking toward Scott. 

“It’s fine,” he nodded, “I didn’t tell you because I thought… I don’t know, maybe I just thought she wouldn’t be a problem anymore.” He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t want this to be a problem for you, Tess.”

Tessa tilted her head at him, studying his face. 

“What do you mean?” 

He sighed. 

“She came back because Lily told her aunt about you. I guess Jenna found out from her sister. She cried, begged me not to let you take her place in Lily’s life.” His eyes darted toward Lily, then back to her. “But there’s nothing between us, Tess, I swear to you. I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

Her gaze fell, she studied her ballet slippers, the corners of her lips turning down. 

“Just tell me the truth,” she said softly, her voice breaking. “I don’t want to feel like I can’t trust you.” 

“I know,” he swore softly, “I know, Tess, and I’m sorry. I panicked. I should have been honest with you, but Lily was right there, and I…” he caught his breath, and Tessa’s hand moved to touch his arm, grounding him and bringing his eyes to hers. He blinked at her, eyes wide and wet with tears. “I can’t lose Lily, Tessa. I can’t let her take my baby away from me.” 

“Oh, Scott,” Tessa breathed, moving from her chair and taking him into her arms. She embraced him, her fingers tangling in the hair at his neck. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 

She stroked his hair, felt his weight in her arms. 

She felt for him; it broke her heart to see him this way, in tears and defeated. She wanted to fix things, wanted to make him whole again. She wanted to see his smile, the way his eyes wrinkled at the corners when he grinned. 

Still, it unsettled her that he had lied to her so easily. She tried to dismiss it, tried to consider that he’d done it only to protect Lily’s feelings, but she’d given so much of herself to him within the past few months that she couldn’t help but to feel betrayed. 

“Scott?” She said his name gently, and he rose his head, eyes meeting hers. He looked wrecked, eyes rimmed red. She hated seeing him like this, watching his world fall apart around him and being unable to do anything to stop it, but she couldn’t let this continue. She had feelings for him, knew that they ran deeper than physical attraction, knew that it wasn’t anything she’d ever felt with anyone else in her life, but she wasn’t a weak woman. She wouldn’t allow him to use her like this, lie to her under the guise of protecting her own feelings or Lily’s. She wouldn’t stand by and let herself be hurt, no matter her feelings for him. “I feel for you. I really do. And I’m so sorry about what’s happening, but that doesn’t give you the right to lie to me.”

He met her eyes, seemed to understand the seriousness in her statement. She met his eyes, narrowed her gaze at him. 

“If you lie to me again, I’m finished. As much as it would hurt to walk away from you, I’ll do it if it means protecting myself from heartbreak.” 

Her voice wavered as she spoke, and she knew that her words likely surprised Scott. He was used to the self-conscious twelve-year old who had allowed herself to be taken advantage of, who had stepped aside and let others go ahead of her. He was perhaps unfamiliar with this new Tessa, the one who had endured decades of loneliness and had learned to harden herself to the realities of being by herself. 

“Tessa, I didn’t-”

“It’s non-negotiable, Scott,” she met his eyes, kept her voice steady. 

He pressed his lips together, nodded. He still looked devastated, heaved a sigh before straightening and glancing toward Lily, who was now watching them, unblinking, from the other room. 

“I need to get her home,” he explained numbly, and Tessa nodded, rising as he did. She followed him out to the waiting area, forced a smile at Lily before running her fingers along her sides, reflexively straightening her leotard. 

“I’ll see you next week at class,” Tessa assured her, and Lily looked unsurely toward Scott before nodding and standing, following him toward the door. Just before exiting, he paused, glanced back at Tessa. 

“Can I call you?” He asked, and she saw the fear in his eyes. 

She glanced toward Lily once more, then nodded. 

“Yes, of course.” He hesitated for only a moment before leaning in, pressing his lips gingerly against her cheek. And then he was gone. 

Tessa had spent the better part of two decades by herself, but as she watched him drive away, she realized she’d never felt more alone. 

**

_Tessa groans as she falls back against her pillows, curling on her side and throwing her arms over the Marvin the Martian pillow, squeezing it and pressing her warm cheek against the cool fabric._

_She’s spent the better part of last night and all of today vomiting, purging her intestines of everything she’s consumed over the past day and a half, and her stomach muscles ache with exertion. It had started late last night with a sour belly and a headache that wouldn’t go away. By midnight, the vomiting had begun and her mother had sat beside her on the washroom floor, rubbing her back and pulling her hair into an elastic to avoid any mess._

_She’d spent the evening in and out of bed, dragging herself to the toilet when she felt the bile rising in her throat, and by four o’clock in the morning, it was fairly obvious that she wouldn’t make it to practice at seven. She’d put up a weak fight, pretended that her ten-year-old body had the strength to spend hours on the ice after being up sick all night, but her mother had seen through the façade and ordered her to spend the day in bed._

_She’d listened, fading in and out of sleep, as her mother had placed a call to Scott’s home, explained that Tessa was ill and wouldn’t make it to the rink. She thought of Scott’s disappointment, the way his dark eyebrows might furrow in confusion or discontent as his mother broke the news to him that he’d have to practice by himself. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d take the day off, go outside and play hockey with his friends. Maybe he’d barricade himself in his room and play video games, only emerging when it was time for lunch or dinner._

_Ugh. The thought of food turns her stomach again and she squeezes her eyes shut against the feeling. At some point, the fatigue pulls her under and when she wakes again, she feels herself being watched. She assumes, at first, that it’s her mother, come to check on her once more, but when she manages to turn her head, she sees Scott perched in her desk chair, his dark eyes unfocused._

_She blinks, pulls herself into a sitting position, and the motion catches his eye._

_“Scott?” Her voice is hoarse, and she unexpectedly places a hand at the base of her throat. Her eyes go wide and it makes him laugh and she laughs, too before dropping her hand and letting it rest on her lap._

_“I wasn’t, like, just sitting here watching you forever,” he insists, appearing flushed and embarrassed at her surprise. “Your mom told me to come on upstairs, and I was gonna leave, but she-”_

_“It’s okay,” she assures him, nodding. “I don’t mind.”_

_He relaxes a little, eases into the chair._

_“So you’re throwing up, huh?” He asks, and God, he has absolutely no idea exactly how many times she’s thrown up, but his face is marked with the fascination that only a twelve-year-old boy can have with bodily fluids._

_She wrinkles her nose, brushes her hair from her face._

_“Yeah, a lot. Probably like twenty times.”_

_“Awesome,” he breathes, and she makes a show of rolling her eyes at him, but she feels the corners of her lips turning into a grin despite her distaste._

_“You’re gross,” she teases him, but she’s feeling better now that he’s sitting across from her, and she’s already dreading him leaving. “So what’d you do today?”_

_She fingers the blanket on her bed, waiting for him to say that he’s enjoyed his day off, maybe wishing (but of course not saying) that she should be sick more often to give them time out._

_“Eh, I went to the rink with Mom and Aunt Carol,” he sighs._

_She looks up, meets his eyes._

_“Oh.” That’s maybe worse than him spending the day playing video games, and she wonders, stupidly, if he skated with another girl. Maybe Jamie or Katrina. God, please don’t let it be Katrina. Tessa thinks of her, blonde hair and icy blue eyes, and there’s no way Alma would ask Scott to skate with her, right?_

_She can’t explain the jealousy that rises in her chest. It’s not unlike the bile that she’s been expelling for the past twelve hours, but it somehow burns worse, hurts more._

_“Yeah,” he replies, shrugging. “I guess I just went to check out the competition. I got restless, though, and Mom made me help out the little kids.”_

_“Oh,” she repeats, feeling dumb suddenly. “So you didn’t skate with anyone else?”_

_He looks away from the knee of his jeans and up to her suddenly, eyes wide with confusion._

_“What? No. Why would I skate with anyone else, Tess? You’re my partner.”_

_She feels the coolness settle in her chest, chews on her bottom lip._

_“I just thought… I don’t know, I guess because I’m sick…”_

_He watches her, waiting for her to continue, but she realizes that she doesn’t know what else to say, and the way he’s looking at her makes her feel stupid for thinking he’d ever replace her with someone else._

_“Yeah, you’re sick,” he shrugs, nonchalant. “That doesn’t mean I’m gonna ditch you. What do you think I’m doing here if I didn’t want you around?”_

_She feels the swell of her heart in her chest, realizes for the first time how dry her mouth is and reaches for a bottle of water on her bedside table, swallowing a sip before twisting the cap back on._

_“I don’t know,” she admits softly, “maybe your mom made you come check on me.”_

_He looks offended for a moment, his eyes narrowing._

_“Seriously?”_

_He stands, and she feels her shoulders slump, knows that he’s leaving now. She’s chased him away with her insecurity, she knows it, but instead of moving toward the open door he moves closer to the bed, perching on the edge of it, just beside her leg._

_He takes one of her hands from its position in her lap and curls his own fingers within hers, looking up to make eye contact._

_She watches their hands, sees how her smaller fingers fit within his, and then her eyes dart to his face._

_“Aren’t you worried you’ll get sick?” She wonders, unable to think of anything but the germs crawling from her skin to his. He hesitates for a moment, responds only by squeezing her hand._

_“Not if it means getting to hold your hand again,” he smiles, and she sees the blush in his cheeks. “Just don’t go finding a different skating partner when I’m sick, eh?”_

_She smiles, heart thumping in her chest, and her belly feels jittery again, though this time it’s not from nausea._

_“You’re the only partner for me, Scott Moir,” she breathes, and watches as a grin spreads across his face. She knows, in that moment, she will never love anyone the way she loves him._  
**  
It’s this memory that led Tessa to his doorway on Friday night, hesitating for only a moment before she raised her fist to knock. 

When he opened the door, he looked tired, but he wasn’t dressed in his pajamas, and she was surprised to not see Lily on the couch or peering at her from behind his legs. He looked surprised, and then relieved, and then guilty. She saw the emotions cross his face quickly, decided to focus on the relief and brush away the others. Did he really think she wouldn’t try to make this right between them? 

“Hey,” her voice was soft, quiet. She spent most of the week trapped in her own mind, going over routines and preparing her classes for the upcoming recital while thinking only of Scott, of ways to get back what they’d had before Tuesday afternoon when she’d found out about his meeting with his ex-wife. 

“Hey,” he responded, and his voice caught in his throat. He turned, throwing a glance at the untidy family room behind him before stepping aside and allowing Tessa entry. “Do you want to come in?” 

Tessa’s fingers curled around her clutch, her dark hair brushing her shoulders as she shook her head. 

“No,” she said, and before his face fell completely, she added, “I want you to come out. You and Lily. Let’s go somewhere together. It’s family night.”

Saying the word felt strange, unfamiliar. She hoped she wasn’t overstepping her boundaries, but she’d practiced saying it on her drive over, even stopped in the car in front of his house, watching her pink lips as she spoke. Family. Family. An almost-family, anyway.

She saw the ends of his lips curl into a smile, his shoulders slumping slightly. 

“Lily’s not here,” he shook his head, “She’s with my mom. It’s girl’s night at her house, apparently. Fingernail polish is involved.”

Despite herself, Tessa laughed. When she quieted, she caught his eyes. 

“Okay,” she nodded, shrugged, “Then it’s date night.” 

It took Scott only a minute to nod, head back inside to grab his keys and wallet, and shut off the television. A few moments later they were in his car, guided only by the feel of her hand within his and the emptiness in their stomachs. 

They ended up at the restaurant at which they’d had their first date, lulled by the intimacy and wine. They found themselves tucked into a corner booth, and when she slid into the seat beside him rather than across from him, he smiled. 

They ate, drank, laughed. They talked about nothing and everything. And when Scott mentioned his ex-wife, the trouble she’d been giving him, Tessa listened with a vested interest, focusing only on his words and not the way the situation made her feel. He was being honest with her, she knew, and it was exactly what she wanted. 

It wasn’t until they were nearly finished with their meals that Tessa glanced away from him, eyes falling upon the face of one of her student’s mothers, the very one, in fact, that had informed Tessa that she’d seen Scott with his ex-wife. She felt her stomach clench, felt Scott stiffen beside her as he noticed her as well. She panicked, thought of what she might be able to do, considered slipping out of the booth and racing to the washroom, but it was too late. In a moment, she was standing beside the table. 

Her eyes focused on Scott first, addressing him directly. 

“Oh, you get around, don’t you?” The smirk on her lips faded when she met Tessa’s gaze. “I didn’t realize you held parent-teacher conferences here.”

“Miranda, we’re just-” She heard Scott beside her and something in the other woman’s eyes caused Tessa to straighten her posture, meet her cold blue eyes directly. Her hand, which had been folded in her lap beneath the table, rose suddenly and she placed her fingers against the back of Scott’s hand. 

“I don’t,” she said, trying (and mostly succeeding) at controlling the tremble in her voice. “I’m here on a date.”

The woman was thrown off, her lips parting in surprise before she composed herself. 

“That’s rather improper, don’t you think?” 

_It was, it was._ The words echoed in her head. It was extremely unprofessional and it wasn’t anything she would have ever done under normal circumstances, but Scott wasn’t just a parent, he was… different. He was her childhood best friend, her soulmate. He was the only boy she’d ever really loved. 

“Maybe,” Tessa acknowledged finally, watching as the smirk pressed across the woman’s face at her admittance. “But it’s also pretty improper to care so much about your child’s dance teacher’s sex life, don’t you think?” 

She could see the shock in the woman’s face, heard Scott stifle laughter beside her as she pulled her shrug tighter around her and scurried away. Tessa felt her cheeks and chest burning, knew that this could very well cost her the tuition of Miranda’s daughter as well as the few other parents in her clique. 

Somehow, with Scott beside her, his warm thigh pressed against hers, it didn’t matter so much. 

They finished dinner in peace, Scott chortling as he recalled the encounter. As they made their way to the car and then drove back to his house, he marveled at her bravery, wondered aloud why she suddenly no longer seemed to care about being seen with him in public. 

She laughed, shrugged it off, but as she caught his lips later that night as they pressed together close in his bed, she knew why. 

It was because she’d never felt about anyone the way she felt for Scott. 

It was because she wanted Lily to be more than a student to her, wanted to be able to protect her against her mother’s toxicity. 

It was because she had fallen in love with Scott over two decades ago, and the feelings had never really gone away. 

And as she made her way down his body, lips peppering kisses over his bare chest, he reached down to her, traced his fingers over the line of her jaw. 

“I don’t deserve you, Tess.” His voice is laced with lust, but she believes that he’d say it even if she wasn’t about to slip him into her mouth. She tugged his boxers over his hips, exposing him to her, and she leaned forward, placing a kiss on the tip of him before taking him fully into her hand. 

“You deserve to be happy,” she breathed, “and so do I. Now let me make both of us happy.”

She took him into her mouth, and she never loved anyone so much.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two chapters in less than a week? Woah!

“I’m going to be honest with you, Tess,” his voice was hushed, his dark eyes watching her. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

She looked up from slipping on her ballet slippers, grinning at him. 

“It’s not that much different from ice dancing,” she shrugged, nonchalant. “Just a lot less slippery.”

She felt his eyes on her, and she raised her eyebrows, acknowledging him. 

“I think you’re forgetting that I stopped ice dancing when you left me,” he mused, “I’m not exactly a pro anymore.” 

The words hurt more than they should, the cushion of twenty years hadn’t lessened the sting as much as she’d thought it had. She averted her eyes, kept them focused on the tips of her toes as she flexed them. After a moment, she sighed and stood, hands skimming down her side to straighten her leotard. 

“Yeah, but… hockey players take ballet sometimes, don’t they?” 

She could see the flush in his cheeks, the desperation in his eyes. She wanted to kiss him, and if students and parents weren’t already beginning to arrive for class, she would have. She might have pressed him against the wall and worked her hand into his pants, but that would have to wait. Lily was watching them expectantly, her hair pulled into a high ponytail, her dark eyes barely containing their amusement.

“Yeah, but that’s different,” he insisted, “that’s twenty guys, as opposed to…”

“As opposed to your three-year-old daughter and eight of her friends?” Tessa smirked. Scott brought his lips together, exhaled. “You know they’re going to get a kick out of it, babe.” 

Her voice was light, quiet, and she traced her fingers up his white t-shirt, her fingertips tracing lightly at his jaw before playfully patting his cheek. 

“Go show your little girl that boys can do ballet, too. Gender roles are archaic.” Tessa stepped back, grinning as she surveyed him. “You look good. Doesn’t he look good, Lily?” 

Lily grinned, nodded approvingly. 

“You look good, Daddy.” 

His dark eyes softened as he studied his daughter’s face, and Tessa saw the smile slip over his lips. He slid his hands beneath Lily’s arms, hoisting her onto his hip and pressing a gentle kiss against her cheek. 

“Okay,” Tessa ran a comforting hand down his back, “let’s go.” 

She led them from her office and into the studio. Several of her students had already made their way to the floor and sat with their legs folded beneath them. Tessa smiled at them, greeting each of them by name as Scott allowed Lily to slide to the floor, taking her own spot. 

The children were grinning but cautious, uncertain as to why Scott had followed their teacher onto the floor. Lily watched with her knees pulled to her chest, barely contained glee spreading across her tiny face. They’d barely made it to the middle of the floor before a hand went up, a tiny blonde girl with her hair in braids desperate to ask the question. 

“Yes, Madeline?” Tessa turned to her, her heels pressing together in first position. 

“Is that Lily’s daddy?” The little voice asked. Tessa smiled, turned to Scott. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lily turn to Madeline, nodding proudly. 

“That’s a very good observation, Madeline. This is Lily’s daddy. His name is Mr. Moir. Ladies, can you say hello to Mr. Moir?”

“Hello, Mr. Moir,” the tiny voices echoed in unison, a few of them, including Lily, giggling. Scott smiled, tiny wrinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes.

“Hi girls,” he responded, eyeing Tessa, who was watching him, a tiny smile curling the ends of her lips. “How are you today?” 

There was a quiet titter among the children, and Tessa could feel the hard gaze upon her through the window, her eyes traveling to study the parents in the lobby. She could see Miranda there, the woman who had confronted her and Scott in the restaurant last weekend. She could see the anger in her eyes, the audacity Tessa had to bring him onto the dance floor and introduce him to their children. She swallowed hard, drew her attention back to the young children in front of her. 

“Mr. Moir is out special guest today,” Tessa explained, settling on the floor before them, pressing the soles of her feet together and looking up toward Scott, patting a spot on the floor beside her. To his credit, he hesitated for only a moment before settling, doing his best to imitate Tessa’s butterfly pose. She tried to fight the smile that spread across her lips at his earnestness, tucked her head momentarily into her shoulder before returning her attention to her class. “He’s going to help me today. Who in here knew that boys could do ballet, too?” 

The girls glanced around, and two of them, including Lily, tentatively raised their hands. Tessa nodded, grinned. 

“Very good. Boys are very important in ballet because they have a very special job. Their job is to hold up the girls and make sure they don’t fall down and get hurt.” It was over-simplified, she knew, but when she met Scott’s eyes, he appeared as enraptured as the children. She smiled at him. “Mr. Moir is going to be picking me up today.” 

There was a hint of a smile on his face. 

“Didn’t I already do that?” He asked, his voice barely audible. Tessa cleared her throat, tried to block him out. She was clear with her instructions, her voice firm and steady. She directed him where to stand, and at one point, he misstepped and stumbled. He hadn’t meant to, she could see the way his chest grew flushed with embarrassment, but at the peal of laughter it earned from their audience, she saw the helpless smile on his face. Throughout their routine, he continued to make small mistakes on purpose, grinning each time the children giggled and clapped their hands. He followed Tessa’s cues, grasped her waist and supported her weight. It felt no different than it had twenty-odd years ago, except for the fact that each time his fingers brushed her skin through the thin fabric of her tights or leotard she felt a rush of excitement. 

They finished their pas de deux with reverence, the children applauding and crying out gleefully as Tessa raised her head to grin at them. She felt breathless with exhilaration, the idea that she could introduce Scott to her passion, that she could share something she loved with someone she loved. He grinned at her and bowed out, excused himself from the class and she winked at him, watched him slip into the lobby to rejoin the other parents. 

She could see the way a few of the mothers avoided him in the lobby, could sense their hostility and felt the tension knot in her stomach before turning her attention back to her class. The rest of the instruction went smoothly, through from the quiet chatter among the children, she recognized that Scott had wooed them with his grace and handsomeness. 

When class released, the little girls darted off the floor and into the arms of their awaiting parents. They talked excitedly and all at once about their special guest, mimicking some of the movements Tessa had shown them in preparation for their upcoming recital, but she caught the eyes of Miranda, who possessively pushed her daughter behind her legs and moved aggressively toward Tessa, eyes narrowed in anger. 

“How dare you bring that man into class with my daughter,” she hissed, as venomous as a snake. “You exposed these innocent children to that smut.” 

“Smut?” Tessa blinked, shaking her head unsurely. “That was classical ballet, Ms. Jones. I’m a classically trained ballerina.” 

“You’re a slut,” she spat the word at her. “And you’re sleeping with a married man.” 

Tessa pressed her lips together, swallowed hard. It was impossible to educate the ignorant when they didn’t want to learn. There were so many things she wanted to say, mostly about the fact that she found it inappropriate to demonstrate ballet moves, yet somehow suitable to throw slurs at her. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s not working anything out with his ex-wife. They’re not back together. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Ms. Jones,” Tessa’s voice was measured and calm. Her heart raced in her chest, and she knew the flush of her cheeks had given her away despite her efforts to remain unflustered. 

“Oh, I’m leaving,” the woman vowed, grabbing for her daughter, shooting a glance at the two other mothers who had recently appeared at her side. “I’m leaving and I’m taking my daughter with me. I will be disenrolling her from this ballet school and you can be damn sure I’m not the only one who will be doing so.” One of the mothers who flanked her side nodded in agreement, sweeping her child into her arms and scurrying out of the lobby. Tessa watched them go, Lily standing at her side. 

They were two students of hundreds, Tessa knew. There was a waiting list to join most of the classes, and the preschool class was no exception, but the backlash of revealing her relationship with Scott cut her deeply, and her mouth felt dry. Miranda had caused a scene, and a few of the other mothers had already made their way over to Tessa, reassuring her of their continued dedication to her, to the school. She thanked them, forcing a smile onto her face and bidding them all goodbye as they began to exit. It wasn’t until after she’d locked the doors and watched the last parent drive away that she felt Scott’s hands on her, his thumbs working deep into the tension in her shoulder blades. 

“Hey,” his voice was so comforting, so full of reassurance. She felt his lips brush the side of her neck and turned to face him, lips pressed together in resolution. “You okay? What was that about?”

Tessa thought of telling him what Miranda had said, the hurtful word she’d hissed at her, but she turned her face away and shrugged. She didn’t want to see the hurt and anger in his eyes, didn’t know if she could stop him from racing out the door after her.

“She wasn’t happy I brought you into class,” she shook her head, “apparently we exposed the girls to smut.” 

Scott blinked, furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Smut?” His voice relayed his confusion, “I mean, if she wants to see smut, we can just show her what we did-”

“Scott,” Tessa groaned, rolling her eyes and turning away from him. “Your daughter is here, remember?” 

As if to accentuate her point, Lily grinned up at them. 

She’d let him talk her into coming over for dinner, though Tessa had a general rule about not staying over on weeknights. After she’d checked her class roster and verified that Miranda and the other mother had, indeed, removed their children from the dance class list, she’d allowed herself to break the rule. As she sat across the kitchen table from Scott and Lily, spearing a square of chicken breast with her fork, she broached the topic. 

“She was serious,” Tessa shrugged, “about disenrolling. I checked the class list just before we left the studio. Madison and Julia are gone.” 

She caught Scott’s eyes, and he frowned, chewed before placing his fork on the table. Lily straightened in her booster seat, her lips parting in confusion. 

“Where did they go?” Lily asked, looking toward Tessa and then Scott. 

“Oh,” Scott cleared his throat, offered her a small smile. “They’re not in your class anymore, baby. Their mommies made them quit.”

“Why?” Lily questioned, her dark eyes suddenly wide and full. “They’re my friends.” 

“I know, sweetie, but sometimes grown-ups make decisions for their kids based on their own personal beliefs, and-” he stopped, seeing the confusion in Lily’s eyes. Tessa met his eyes and then studied the sadness on Lily’s face, reaching out and placing her hand on Scott’s. He looked up, and as if they had never spent twenty years out of sync, he seemed to know what she was saying. He nodded. 

“Lily,” he began, his voice hesitant as he spoke. “Tessa and I need to tell you something.” 

The little girl looked between the two of them, then focused her attention back to Scott. 

Tessa could see the pain in Scott’s eyes, knew how hard it must be for him to have this conversation with her. She thought of what it had been like for her when her parents had separated, how helpless and confusing it was. She thought of being a small child, trying to accept the reality that your parents weren’t getting back together, and her tongue darted out to wet her lips. 

“Lily,” she said her name, drawing the child’s attention to her. “Your daddy and I are more than just friends. Do you know what that means?” 

Lily appeared to concentrate for a moment, blinked and then nodded. 

“You’re best friends?” 

Tessa smiled, nodded. 

“Yeah, something like that. But it’s a little bit more than that. Your daddy and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. So that means that-”

“You hold hands and hug,” Lily nodded knowingly. “I know. But where did Madison and Julia go?” 

Her nonchalance caused Tessa to laugh, turning to Scott, who grinned softly at her. 

“Baby, that’s what we’re trying to tell you. Madison and Julia’s mommies didn’t like that Tessa and I are boyfriend and girlfriend. And they decided they didn’t like it so much that they didn’t want them to be in Miss Tessa’s class. That’s why they aren’t coming back to dance class.” 

Lily furrowed her dark brows, confusion marring her face. 

“Why are they so mad?” Her tiny voice trembled. 

Tessa watched Scott’s face fall, wished she could hold him through this and help him guide Lily through this discussion, help her to understand why and how people could be so cruel and hateful, but she wasn’t even sure she understood it herself. 

“Well,” Scott cleared his throat, looked toward Tessa and then back to Lily. “Some people think that Tessa and I shouldn’t be boyfriend and girlfriend because she’s your dance teacher.”

“Why?” Lily parroted, blinking up at him. 

“Well because they don’t think I should… they don’t think I should hold her hand until she’s not your teacher anymore, and maybe not even then…” his lips parted, eyebrows furrowed, he glanced to Tessa desperately, “Tess, I don’t…”

Tessa forced a small smile to her lips, pushed her plate out of the way and leaned toward Lily. 

“Lily, what do you think about your daddy and I being boyfriend and girlfriend?” Her question was direct and simple, and Lily considered her for a moment, her dark eyebrows furrowing. She placed a tiny finger to her chin, tapping it there in concentration. 

“I think,” Lily announced after a moment, “that I like it.” 

Tessa grinned, glanced toward Scott. 

“Well then, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” 

Lily grinned, seemingly pleased with the answer. She nodded, her eyes lowered to her plate, and she brought her fork to her lips, swallowed a mouthful of rice before speaking again. 

“Are you going to get married?” 

Tessa startled, glanced toward Scott, whose eyes had met hers. 

“Well, maybe-” Tessa began. 

“No,” Scott said at the same time, chuckling softly at her question. “We’re not getting married, sweetie.”

Tessa blinked at him, felt her eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion, sat back against her chair. His eyes met hers, lips still curved into a gentle grin. She swallowed hard, pressed her lips together, and then lowered her gaze to her plate. The meal suddenly made her stomach turn, the smell of the food causing nausea to rise in her throat. She picked at her food for the remainder of the meal, oblivious to the conversation between Scott and Lily. 

She forced the word from her head, tried to think about anything but the way he’d answered Lily, the certainty in his words. She replayed the chuckle in her head, the laughter he’d expressed at the idea of marrying her, and while she knew it was ludicrous to even discuss the idea of marriage at this stage in their relationship, she wondered why he’d shut the idea down so quickly. 

Of course they weren’t considering marriage yet, but to a three-year-old, the idea was so incredible that she wouldn’t take any affirmative answer to heart. She didn’t understand the intricacies of relationships, didn’t understand the dating period and all that it involved. To Lily, marriage meant a commitment, not necessarily anything more. The fact that Scott had so quickly denied the idea of a commitment so quickly was what bothered her more than anything.

She felt her mind floating through the rest of the evening; Lily’s bedtime came quickly enough and she watched as Scott tucked her beneath her blankets, pressing a kiss against her forehead. He whispered his goodnight to her, lovingly running his fingers through her dark hair before switching on her nightlight and stepping away from her bedside. 

“Goodnight, Lily,” Tessa said softly, lingering in the doorway as Scott began toward her. 

“Wait!” She sat up quickly, her tiny arms reaching toward the doorway. 

“What?” Scott turned to her, but Lily wasn’t looking at him. 

“Tessa!” She said softly, a sheepish grin slipping across her tired face. “Goodnight kiss!” 

Tessa paused, glancing toward Scott, who smiled at her. She stepped forward quietly, moved toward Lily’s bed. Lily reached for her, wrapped her arms around Tessa’s neck and pulled her close, her soft lips brushing Tessa’s cheek. Tessa felt something within her shift at the action, allowed her own lips to brush over Lily’s forehead before she pulled away. 

“Goodnight,” Lily beamed at her, her eyelids already beginning to flutter closed. 

“Goodnight,” Tessa responded softly, turning and following Scott from the room. She walked quietly down the hallway behind him, hesitating only when he reached the hallway that broke into the living room and his bedroom. He turned, glanced at her. 

“Are you going to stay for a while?” He asked. His voice was hopeful, but Tessa considered his question. 

_Why should I?_ She wanted to say. _If you’re not serious about this, why am I wasting my time falling in love with you?_

But his eyes were so dark and his face was so soft, and all she could do was nod.

He led her back to the living room, taking her hand gently and settling onto the couch beside her. The television was on low, the blue light flickering through the dim room. Tessa sat back against the cushion, her hands curling in her lap. She felt his eyes on her, heard him clear his throat as he turned toward her. 

“Tess,” he said her name evenly, softly. The sound of her name drew her gaze toward him and she chewed on her lower lip before meeting his eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” she responded instinctively, and immediately regretted doing so. She felt his hand slip into her lap, lowered her eyes to watch his fingers curl around her own. 

“Tessa,” he spoke again, his voice so incredibly gentle that it nearly brought tears to her eyes. “Look at me.” 

She raised her eyes, felt her skin flush at the intensity of his gaze. 

“It’s silly,” she shook her head, already hating herself for drawing this out. She was afraid she’d scare him off, that he’d laugh it off again. She was afraid of the intensity of her feelings, falling so quickly for someone she may have known all her life but had really only been reunited with a few months before. 

“Hey, hey,” he shook his head, squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Come on, Tess, I thought we agreed no lying to each other.” 

She watched him for a moment, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She felt her lower lip trembling as she began to speak. 

“It’s just… I guess, I don’t know. I guess I thought this was something more than it is. I thought that we were getting serious, and I…” she let her voice fade, suddenly feeling foolish. “I just… I’ve thought about being with you, Scott. I’ve thought about it so much. And I thought that perhaps you’d considered it as well, but I-”

“I have,” he cut her off, his voice sounding strong and sure. “Of course I’ve thought about it, Tessa. I wouldn’t have asked you to be my girlfriend if I didn’t want to be with you, if I didn’t think this was going to be a long-term thing. You have to know that.” 

“That’s what I thought,” she shrugged, struggling now to keep the tears at bay. “But tonight at dinner, when Lily asked us that question, and you just… you laughed.” 

It was such a vulnerable position to be in, baring her soul to the man she loved and not knowing what to expect in return. He was a good man, he loved and fiercely protected his daughter. He was kind, generous, handsome. He was everything Tessa had ever wanted, but the thought that she’d created a fantasy life in her mind for them where every loose end would tie itself into a neat little bow felt ridiculous now. 

“Oh, God,” he ran a hand through his dark hair, so similar to Lily’s, even down to the soft curls that brushed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean it like that, Tess. I wasn’t laughing.” 

Tessa gave him a dubious look. 

“Well I was laughing, yes,” he corrected himself quickly, “but not at you, T. Never at you. I was laughing at Lily’s bluntness. The way she thinks she’s grown up enough to ask these questions that can have some pretty serious answers. She thinks she’s older than she is sometimes, I’m afraid. With Lily, everything is concrete. If I were to tell her that we were hypothetically getting married, she’d assume it was happening tomorrow and she’d wake up in the morning and put on her fanciest dress.” 

Tessa allowed the corner of her lips to curl, but continued to watch Scott with serious eyes. He appeared to realize that his words weren’t comforting her, and exhaled a deep breath before speaking again. 

“Do you remember when we were little, I guess you were probably eight and I was nine or ten. There was a girl in our class, and I can’t remember her name now, but she was a bitch. I know it’s terrible to call a nine-year-old a bitch, but Jesus, wasn’t she?” 

Tessa hesitated, tried to conjure the girl’s face in her mind. Slowly, the pieces came together, and she thought of the pig-nosed redhead who had spent so many months making Tessa’s life miserable. 

“Gabby,” Tessa nodded, “I remember her. She was a bitch. She stole my skates once and I found them in the garbage can.” She paused, wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Someone had apparently cleaned out the employee refrigerator that day. They smelled like spoiled milk for weeks.” 

A smile flickered over Scott’s face before he nodded. 

“Right. And, for some reason, probably because you were the smallest kid in class, she made you her target. The skates, the other tricks she played on you, all of it was terrible shit, Tess. And what did you do?” 

Tessa exhaled softly, shoulders slumping. 

“I didn’t do anything,” she shook her head. “I never stood up for myself because I was scared.” 

“No,” Scott corrected her, caught her eyes. “You didn’t do anything because you’re not a mean person. You put up with her torment for months, and I recall more than one time in which she blatantly blamed you for something you’d seen her do. But when Carol asked who did it, even after she’d blamed you, you didn’t tell. You wouldn’t get her in trouble.” 

Tessa felt uncomfortable suddenly, wasn’t sure why he was bringing this back to her mind. She didn’t like these memories, didn’t want to think about how weak-willed she’d been as a child, didn’t want to remember all of the reasons she’s slowly started to resent ice dancing. 

“Scott, I don’t-”

“And then one day,” he interrupted her, his voice softening. “Gabby tripped in her skates. None of us really saw what happened, but there was blood on the ice, and she was screaming, and you were the closest to her. And even though she’d spent the past three months making your life miserable, you were the first one to her side. You held her hand, stroked her hair. You promised her that she was going to be okay. You were eight years old, Tessa, and you were able to put all of hatred and ignorance behind you because you saw that this child needed help. Meanwhile, I stood there across the rink, fascinated by you. I probably would have let her cry for another minute or two, but you were right there.” He was quiet for a moment, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. “Can you guess why I’m telling you this right now?” 

Tessa shook her head wordlessly. 

“It’s because it was then, in that very moment that I fell in love with you for the first time. And twenty-odd years later, when I saw the way you cared about my daughter, the way you cared for all of the children in your studio, I fell in love with you again.” 

“Oh,” the word barely escaped her, her mouth feeling dry and throat scratchy. She let her eyes fall away from him, tried to steady the beat of her heart and focus on the way her chest rose and fell with each breath. She blinked, worried her lower lip between her teeth, and then found her voice. “I love you, too.”

There was a moment of silence between them, and then his hand slipped from hers. She felt his fingertips trace her jawline, the pads of his fingers so soft despite so many years of physical activity. 

“Let’s try that again,” he said, his voice impossibly soft. His index finger drifted to her chin, and with a gentle nudge, he caused her face to tilt toward his. His finger lingered on her chin, stroked her softly. His eyes met hers, kept the air between them electric. 

“I love you, Tessa.” 

She blinked, swallowed, bit her lip once more to keep her tears at bay. 

“Now it’s your turn,” he smiled, and despite herself, she broke into a mixture of tears and laughter, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth until the outburst had passed. He watched her with an easy grin, his eyes full of love. 

“I love you, Scott,” she said, her voice trembling despite the fact that she’d never been more sure of anything in her life. “And I love Lily.”

The sound of his daughter’s name caused tears to well in his own eyes now, and he pressed a gentle kiss against her lips, lingering for just a moment before pulling back to study her face. 

“One day, T, you’re going to be such an amazing mom to Lily. And then maybe a couple more babies. If that’s what you want, of course.”

Tessa felt herself flush at the idea of having a child with Scott, the thought of her belly swollen with life. Surprisingly, she found herself nodding, grinning. 

“Yeah,” she settled against him, “Yeah, I want. But only after you put a ring on my pretty little finger.” She teasingly waggled her ring finger before him. He caught her hand gently, placed a sweet kiss on her knuckles. 

“Anything you want, kiddo,” he promised her. “We have the rest of our lives to make up for the past two decades.” 

And that wasn’t a marriage proposal, it wasn’t a sacred vow, and it wouldn’t hold up in court. 

But it was Scott’s promise to her, and that meant more to Tessa than any law ever would.


	9. Chapter 9

“You’re going to be so amazing, Lily bug,” Scott held the little girl on his knee, his fingertips stroking her cheek. “Are you nervous for your recital?” 

The little girl’s dark eyes fluttered toward Scott, and then Tessa. She exhaled, a nervous breath that was followed by a quiet giggle. Her eyelids were shadowed with light pink powder, mascara curling her lashes. Her thin lips were shiny with gloss, and Tessa marveled at how grown up she suddenly looked. She requested her students wear some light make-up for the recital, even the youngest students, so that their faces wouldn’t be lost to the bright spotlight. It made for better photographs and video, but Scott had shown up to the studio empty-handed and with a sheepish look on his face. 

She had taken Lily into her office, pulled out her own cosmetics bag and carefully applied the makeup to the little girl’s face. She sat with her eyes closed patiently, pursing her lips when asked and tilting her face to allow Tessa better access. Tessa had seen the mix of emotions on Scott’s face as she’d applied the makeup, the joy of watching Lily and Tessa share in this moment and the agony of seeing his little girl age right in front of him. It had been a bittersweet moment and after she’d replaced the make-up, she’d pulled out a small compact mirror to show Lily her reflection.

Lily had gasped, her eyes widening in excitement. 

“I look so pretty!” Lily beamed at her reflection, her eyelashes fluttering as she studied herself in the mirror. “Just like you, Mom-” she caught herself, eyes glancing away from her own face in an embarrassed, apologetic glance toward Tessa. “I mean, Tessa.” She laughed quietly, and Tessa could see the flush of shame in her cheeks even beneath the layer of blush she’d applied.

Lily’s slim shoulders shrugged now, her dark hair swept into a bun by Tessa. Scott had watched, focusing as Tessa had run a brush through Lily’s hair and used her deft fingers to twist and tuck the little girl’s hair into an elegant and practical bun. She’d talked him through each step, her motions over-exaggerated to allow Scott to follow along. When she’d placed a few bobby pins into the tight bun, Scott had looked at her with such a mixture of gratitude and astonishment that it had nearly brought tears to her eyes. Without a word, he’d leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against her own painted lips. 

Now, Lily grinned up at Tessa, her tiny teeth bared in an anxious smile. 

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, glancing up at her father. “What’s nervous?” 

Tessa grinned, studying her own reflection in her compact mirror as she touched up her own lip gloss.

“It’s a little bit like scared,” Tessa advised her, “sometimes it feels like there are butterflies inside your belly.” 

“Oh,” Lily nodded, glanced down toward her own belly, placing a cautious hand on it over her dance costume. She looked back up at Tessa. “How did butterflies get in my belly?” 

“There aren’t any butterflies,” Tessa laughed, allowing her slender fingers to tickle Lily’s belly. “It just feels that way.” 

Lily giggled, reflexively pulling away from her touch and cradling her belly with her hands. 

Tessa glanced at the time, shot Lily a quick grin. 

“It’s almost time to leave for the recital,” she explained, and then looked to Scott. “There’s something I could use your help with before we go. Lily, will you be okay here for a minute on your own? You can draw a picture.” 

Lily nodded, pulled a pen from a caddy on Tessa’s desk and began to make forms resembling humans on a piece of paper. Tessa smiled, moved from her office and Scott rose, moving after her. She loosely tangled her fingers within his and led him into the dance studio, free from Lily’s eyes and away from the glass doors that faced the street.

“All right, Miss Virtue,” Scott sighed, following her onto the dance floor, glancing around. “What do you need from me?” 

Tessa closed the studio door wordlessly, pressed him against the wall and kissed him fiercely. The kiss took his breath away, and she pressed her body against his, the softness of her curves rising up to meet him in all the right places. His hands came up to rest on her hips, thumbs lightly stroking against her sides. 

“I need something from you that I can’t have right now,” she caught his lower lip between her teeth, tugging lightly, eliciting a quiet groan from him. “Something visceral, something you could give me over and over again, something I’ll never get enough of.” 

“Oh yeah?” His voice was low, fingers tugging gently on the tutu that sat low on her lips. “What’s that?”

Tessa pressed her lips against his ear, allowed her breath to tickle her skin. She could feel the goosebumps rising on his skin. 

“You inside me,” she whispered the words filthily, smirking as she pressed herself between his legs, felt him hardening even through his pants. He arched against her with a sigh, his hand stilling on her hip. 

“Tess…” he was helpless against her, and she knew it. She wanted nothing more than to fuck him right here and now on the floor of her studio, mark the end of the dance season with her hips pressed against his, her name on his lips as he thrust into her. But there would be plenty of time for that now, now that there would be fewer classes. She would have more time to dedicate to building her relationship with Scott and Lily, might even be able to take a few days to go away with them. 

She could take them to her cottage on the beach, she realized, and thought of settling on the shore beside Scott as they watched Lily play in the tide. They would join her too, of course, Scott helping her ride the waves and Tessa laughing as the three of them splashed in the cool water. The thought of not being alone there, not having to settle for a quiet evening with a book before slipping into her empty bed, filled her with a hope that she hadn’t known in a long time prior to running into Scott at the mall. 

“Later,” he promised her, catching her lips in a gentle kiss. “You want to stay over tonight? We can have a late dinner after the recital. I’m sure Lily would love having you for a sleepover.” 

She laughed gently, brushed her fingertips over his jaw. 

“Oh? Is Lily the only one who’d like to have me for a sleepover?” She grinned at him. 

“Well, no,” he admitted after a moment, “but I don’t currently have any plans of actually letting you sleep.” 

She laughed again, loudly. The sound echoed in the empty room. She drew a quick hand over her mouth. He smiled at her, took her hand and drew it away from her lips, pressed a kiss into her palm. 

“We should go,” she nodded, her eyes never leaving his. She hoped he could see the love in her gaze, hoped he understood how desperately happy he made her. She hoped that this would never change, that they would always stay just as they were in this moment, breathlessly in love. 

“Was this your plan? To get me all worked up before Lily’s recital?” 

She grinned at him. 

“I don’t need a plan to do that,” she assured him, rocking her hips against him one final time before pulling away. “It just happens naturally.” 

*

Tessa spent the evening in the wings of the auditorium of a local high school, watching as class after class took the stage, watching the wide grins of her students and their parents from behind the heavy curtains. She looked forward to this each year, giving the young men and women a chance to display what they’d learned throughout their dance sessions. Most of the students exuded confidence, and it was wonderful to watch the progress they’d made. 

She taught seven different classes, two on Mondays and Wednesdays and one on the remaining weekdays. Ages ranged from three to adult, with Lily being in the youngest of those classes. After age five, many of the students were in classes with participants both younger and older than them. At age fifteen, the students joined the adult class. 

It was with pride that she watched her students pirouette and plié, and when Lily’s class tottered onto the stage, she made a point to glance toward the audience, seeking out Scott’s face. He was in the first row, his face shining with delight. His hands were curled into fists in his lap and Tessa knew that he was doing his best to still his anxiety, doing everything he could to be supportive of Lily without stepping onto the stage and performing the routine with her himself. 

Lily, for her part, no longer looked like the scared little girl who had walked into her studio three months ago. She was beaming, her eyes wide and happy, her tiny lips etched into a confident grin. Her movements were somewhat unsteady, wobbling a little when the toes of her right foot pressed against her knee, and for a moment, Tessa worried that she might stumble. But Lily extended her arms, raised her head, and briefly met Tessa’s eyes in an undeniably proud smile. 

Tessa felt herself exhale, hadn’t realized until that moment that she’d been holding her breath. As if she and Scott were connected by an invisible thread, she felt a pull to look toward him. When she found him once more in the front row of the audience, he met her eyes. His lips split into a grin, and she could feel the relief that rolled over him in waves.  
He kept her eyes for a brief moment, and it could only have been a few seconds, but it felt so much longer. It felt as if it was just the two of them in that auditorium, the rest of the world inconsequential as long as they watched one another. 

His lips moved as he mouthed something to her, and though she couldn’t hear him over the music that played or the quiet pad of the dancers’ shoes on the floor, she knew without a doubt what he’d said. 

_I love you so much._

Smiling to herself, feeling the flush in her cheeks as she watched him, she allowed herself to respond. 

_I love you, too._

Lily’s class finished their routine and she tore her eyes away from him just in time to see the little girls in their final position, arms extended and fingers pointed elegantly. Their legs trembled and when the audience began to applaud, many of them began to applaud and hop on the tips of their toes, breathless with excitement. 

She watched as the audience rose to their feet, Scott clapping fiercely and proudly as Lily bowed before them, grinning. It lasted only a moment before the girls filtered back into the wings of the stage, Tessa patting each of them tenderly on the shoulder before Lily slipped her tiny arms around Tessa’s legs, giving her a tight squeeze. 

There was no time to speak to her, no time to savor the moment between them before the class’s assistant was placing a reassuring hand on Lily’s back and ushering her backstage. Tessa winked at Lily, who grinned back at her. Her heart was full, so happy and proud of the little girl who’d barely been able to make eye contact with her the first time she’d stepped through the studio doors. 

The rest of the recital was similarly seamless, all of the students performing their steps proudly and with a dedication that Tessa both admired and recognized. Each class filtered through the stage, performing and returning backstage with little to no issue. Tessa watched each group with pride, grinning the entire time. 

When the students had finished their routines, Tessa took the stage. She didn’t perform professionally, not anymore, but did take a few minutes at the end of each of recital to entertain both parents and students alike. She listened to the hush that fell over the audience as she posed, leaped, twirled. The lights were hot upon her skin and it reminded her of being at The National Ballet of Canada. It reminded her of being younger, passionate. It reminded her of when she’d been able to dedicate her life to her craft, toes pointed and heart beating out of her chest beneath the bright spotlight. 

But, she realized, as she moved into her finishing pose, she’d sacrificed so much for those moments. She’d been alone, and more importantly, lonely. She’d given up every interpersonal relationship in order to be successful, and now she had the closest thing she’d ever had to a family. She lifted her head toward the lights, and it was the thought of Scott and Lily that caused a tear to trickle down her cheek before the audience broke into applause. 

The curtains closed and Tessa fell against the stage floor, panting desperately for a moment before pulling herself from her spot and rushing backstage. The students greeted her with hugs and a few of the older children pushed a beautiful bouquet of flowers into her arms. It was a whirlwind, and she heard the rustle of the curtains as they reopened, all of the students bowing and waving to their parents and loved ones as the applause roared. Tessa looked toward Scott, noticed he was speaking to someone, and glanced away to see Lily watching him curiously. She listened as the applause thundered and then slowly, began to die down. Tessa disappeared into the wings of the stage, wanting to give her students the moment they deserved, the one they had worked so hard to achieve. She lingered backstage for several long moments, watching as a flurry of parents and children rushed past her, showering their children with flowers and hugs. Tessa congratulated each student she passed, placed a gentle hand on each of their shoulders, but looked for Lily. 

She had made her way through the crowd of families when she saw her. The little girl was grinning, breathless, and she saw Tessa. Tessa knelt, outstretched her arms, and Lily began to move toward her. She walked at first, and then broke into a run before she stopped, her eyes flicking away from Tessa’s face for the briefest of moments. The little girl’s lips parted, a surprised look crossing her face. 

“Mommy!” Lily cried, and Tessa blinked, feeling tears prick her eyes. She’d made the mistake earlier, but had corrected herself. She’d wanted to tell Lily that it was okay, that she’d be lucky to have a daughter like her, but she’d been embarrassed and caught off guard. Now, there was no mistaking the joy in Lily’s face, no way to deny the fact that she’d looked right at Tessa and called her that word: _mommy_. 

“Come here, baby,” she heard herself say, moved to sweep Lily into her arms as she approached her, but she realized with a shock that Lily was no longer moving toward her embrace. Her eyes were set on someone else, someone behind Tessa that she hadn’t seen. As Lily rushed past her, Tessa turned, catching the eye of a woman with hair the color of mahogany. 

Just as their eyes met, Lily collided with the woman’s legs, and she was suddenly lifting her into her arms, peppering her tiny face with kisses and clutching her to her chest. 

“Mommy!” Lily shrieked, her tiny hands patting at the woman’s face as if she were in disbelief. “It’s you!” 

“Yes, Lily, it’s Mommy,” the woman spoke, and Tessa blanched, looking desperately through the crowd for Scott. She spotted him a few feet away, eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. Tessa began to move toward him, but he caught her eyes, and something in them made her stop. He was pleading with her, he realized. He was begging her not to make this more difficult for them, not to step in and allow Jenna to see her. She stood back, watching as Lily’s tiny arms wrapped around her mother’s neck, hugging her desperately. 

Tessa felt frozen in place, unsure of what to do or say. She wanted to move toward Lily or Scott, wanted to hug them and feel that love that had radiated from within her just moments ago. She wanted to take Lily into her arms and tell her that there was nothing she suddenly wanted more than to be her mother, that she’d give up everything if it meant she could spend the rest of her life looking at the faces of the two people she loved more than anything in the world. 

But suddenly, there was no room for her. Lily’s mother was here, and Scott had moved toward the two of them. She could see the way his hands curled into fists at his side as he tried to remain civil, the way his jaw clenched and tightened as he watched Lily and her mother interact. Tessa felt sick as she stood there, wanted to keep an eye on the situation, but students and parents alike were asking for pictures, asking questions, ushering her away from her vantage point of the situation. 

It was another thirty minutes before she was able to break out of the crowd, and she looked desperately for Scott. She needed to find him, needed to make sure Lily was okay, and as she pushed through the remaining crowd, she caught his eye and rushed over to him. He began toward her, his hand falling onto her arm even as she could ask the question. 

“Tess, I’m sorry,” he shook his head, “I don’t know what she’s doing here. I wasn’t expecting it.” Tessa saw his eyes flick behind them, turned slightly to see Lily, her aunt, and her mother talking animatedly. Tessa felt a wave of jealousy rush over her, forced herself to look away from them and back to Scott’s eyes. 

“Is she…” Tessa couldn’t find her voice, wasn’t sure what she was trying to say, “I mean… Lily seems happy to see her.” She hated the bitterness in her voice, and knew that despite her feelings toward Lily’s mother, it was good for Lily to see her. It was good that she showed up for the recital, she tried to remind herself. This had been so important to Lily, and going out of her way to ensure she was present for Lily’s sake was exactly what she should have done. 

“Hey,” Scott met her eyes, shook his head, “she doesn’t know any better, Tess. She doesn’t understand Jenna’s issues, doesn’t know that she’s better off without her. She’s just a little girl, Tessa.” 

“I know,” Tessa shook her head, feeling foolish, hating herself for suddenly being jealous of Lily and her mother. “No, it’s good for her. I just…” she clenched her jaw, chewed on her lower lip. “Is she back in the picture?” 

“What?” Scott looked back at her, eyebrows furrowed. “No. No, of course not. She’s not supposed to have any contact with Lily at all. I could call the police.” She saw the pain in his eyes, could see that he was wrestling with the idea, but she heard Lily’s giggle and knew that he wouldn’t. “I don’t want to upset Lily, though. She was so excited about this recital. She was so proud. I don’t want to scare her.” 

“No,” Tessa agreed, her voice soft. “Maybe you should just let her visit? You know, give her a little time with her mom?” She glanced over her shoulder, frowned at the scene. “It doesn’t look like she’s upsetting her.” 

She heard Scott groan, watched as he brushed his hand through his hair. 

“I don’t know,” he sighed, pressed his lips together. “I should probably get over there, Tess…” 

She caught his eyes, nodded. 

“Oh, right. Okay. Well…” she hesitated. “I guess dinner is out?” 

He frowned, and she saw the agony in his eyes. 

“Tessa, I’m sorry. I didn’t want… I hate this.” 

“It’s okay,” she assured him, forcing a smile to her lips. “It’s fine. I’ve got so much to do. Why don’t you go ahead with them, and maybe we can catch up later?” Her smile flickered. “That is, if you still want me to come over tonight.” 

“Yes,” he rushed, “yes, of course I do. I’ll call you, okay? I’ll see you in a little bit.” He turned, moved to rush toward Lily and her mother before pausing, absentmindedly turning toward Tessa and pressing a chaste kiss onto her cheek. 

Tessa stood watching, feeling small and insignificant as Scott was swallowed up by the group of his and Lily’s family. She turned away, unable to watch the scene, and offered a tiny smile to the students and parents who remained. 

She lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and forced herself to leave. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d walked away from Scott with a broken heart. 

*

_She’s thought about it for months, and it’s not an easy decision._

_She’s spent the past four years dedicating herself solely to ice dance, to Scott, to their partnership. But ballet has always been there, in the back of her mind. When she’s alone or bored, it’s the first thing she turns to. It’s her first love, and Scott needs to understand that._

_But, as she says the words to him, she can see that he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand at all._

_“What?” His eyes are wide, his face suddenly ashen. “What do you mean, you’re giving up ice dance?”_

_They’re perched on a bench at the park. She asked him to meet her here, isn’t sure she’d be able to have this conversation if she can see the ice, smell it. She knows it’s going to be hard enough to look into his eyes while they talk._

_“My mom said not to think of it that way,” she offers. She’s twelve and she feels like she knows a lot about life, but even at this age, she’s beginning to realize that her mom Is usually right. It helped her to hear it like this, and she hopes that it helps Scott, too._

_“Well then how am I supposed to think of it?” He asks, and his voice rises just enough to crack. He’s going through puberty, and the thought brings a rush of heat to her face. It’s slow-going, she knows, but he’s already showing the tell-tale signs and she hasn’t even started her period yet. Her mom says that’s good, too; it will slow the growth of her chest. Ballerinas have to be skinny, she knows, and all the ballerina’s she’s seen are flat-chested. Not that she thinks she’ll ever have a problem with that._

_“She said to think of it like a trade-off,” Tessa suggests, and her slim shoulders shrug. She’s trying to pretend that this isn’t hard for her, like it’s just as complicated as deciding what she’ll have for lunch. She doesn’t want Scott to know that she’s developed an ulcer from the stress of her decision. That she’s literally burned a hole in the lining of her stomach thinking about how much she’ll miss ice dancing, and more specifically, miss him._

_“Yeah but you’re trading ice dancing for ballet,” he points out, and she can hear the anger in his voice. “So no matter how you think of it, you’re giving up ice dance.”_

_Well, he has a point, she realizes. Leave it to Scott to point out the flaw in her logic._

_“It’s just a sport,” she says, but her voice is low, and she hears his scoff. She knows she has betrayed him._

_“How can you say that?” He asks, “We’ve been doing this forever, Tessa. Since we were little kids. We worked our asses off.”_

_She always feels uncomfortable when he curses, and maybe it’s because she’s too much of a goody two-shoes, even at twelve, to say those words aloud. She says them in her head and sometimes writes them on paper before scribbling over them in ink so dark they’ll never be legible, but she doesn’t say them aloud. Scott, of course, being a teenager now, has no qualms about using curse words. She’s heard him use much worse language than ass, but it’s never been directed at her and she shifts on the bench._

_“I know,” she says, and then, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”_

_“Say that you’re kidding,” he pleads, and she looks at him with a sad smile. It hurts to see him this way, and she wonders how much of this is because she’s leaving the sport and how much of it is because, in a way, she’s leaving him._

_She shrugs, shakes her head a little._

_“What am I supposed to do without you?” He asks, and she hates the desperation in his voice. She hates that she’s made him feel this way, lost and hopeless._

_“Maybe you can find another partner,” she suggests, but the words make her feel sick, and from the way he looks at her, she knows he must feel the same way._

_There is a long silence between them before he asks the question she’s dreading._

_“How much longer do we have together?”_

_She studies her sneakers, toes the dirt on the ground beneath her feet._

_“Classes start in two weeks,” she tells him. She swears she can hear the sound of his heart breaking and she hates herself for it._

_“Two weeks,” he murmurs the words as if he’s in disbelief, “so there’s no next season for us. This is it.”_

_She nods, tries and succeeds to suppress the tears that threaten to slip down her cheeks._

_“This is it.”_

_There’s so much she wants to say to him, so many questions she wants to ask: Are you mad at me? Does this mean we can’t be friends anymore? Are you going to miss me? She wants to know if he’ll think of her at night, wonder what they could have been if things had gone differently. Mostly, she wonders if he regrets the times he’s brushed her aside. She knows it’s so stupid, but part of her heart is still broken from four years ago._

_“Is it something I did?” He asks, surprising her with his teenage insight. “I mean, are you mad at me?”_

_It’s too much for her, and she didn’t want it to come to this, but she shakes her head._

_“No,” she tells him honestly. “It’s not you.” The only reason she stayed so long is because of Scott. The reason she spent so many years longing for the dance floor but never daring to leave her skates behind is because she couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Scott. It is only after six years that she’s worked up the courage to chase her dream, even if it means leaving him behind._

_“I’m sorry,” he says, and he sounds choked, and she realizes a moment later that he’s crying. Actually crying. He’s fourteen-years-old and they’re in public and tears are rolling down his cheeks. He buries his face in his hands and makes a terrible sound, and she instinctively reaches for him. “Tessa, I’m sorry.”_

_“Sorry for what?” She asks, resting her hand on his back._

_“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better partner,” he confides, stifling a sob unsuccessfully, his body wracked with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend. I’m sorry I made you cry.”_

_“Cry?” She asks, though her voice is already trembling. Scott hadn’t made her cry since she was eight-years-old. Since he broke up with her and broke her heart and she certainly hasn’t ever let him know about it._

_“When we broke up,” he sobs, and she feels so silly for even remembering it. They were eight and ten-years-old, for goodness sake; they were just babies. And yet, it had hurt her so deeply. It had wounded her and left her damaged. “I knew how sad you were. I saw you crying later, and I pretended not to. I tried to ignore it.”_

_His insight is too powerful, and she almost starts to cry alongside him, right there in the park in front of the kids playing on the swings, but she blinks away her tears._

_“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she forces herself to laugh, watching as he blinks up at her through blurry eyes. “Listen, I gotta go. My mom’s waiting for me. I’ll call you later, okay?”_

_She rushes away from the bench, basically runs the whole two miles home, and it’s not until she’s thrown herself onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow that she starts to sob. She cries until she can’t breathe, and when her mom asks her what’s wrong, she lies and tells her that it’s the growing pains in her legs. This earns her a Tylenol and a leg massage, and as the sun goes down she thinks about how Scott is waiting for her phone call._

_She expects to see him the next day, or even the next week._

_She doesn’t see him again until she bumps into him in a mall twenty-two years later._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be out of town starting Sunday, and I wanted to get this chapter up before that happens! Thank you to izxcc_ on instagram for the heartbreaking inspiration, and if you aren't already following me on instagram @tessafreakingvirtue, you should be!

Tessa called Scott after she’d eaten a quiet, lonely dinner at home. She’d grilled a chicken breast and a few asparagus spears, had stood silently at the stove, toes curling against the cold wooden floor as she’d cooked. It was after ten o’clock by the time she’d finished eating, swallowing two glasses of white wine and cleaning up the mess she’d made in the kitchen. 

She padded barefoot into the living room, slid onto the couch with her cell phone and pulled her feet beneath her. She had slipped into an oversize white sweater and leggings, and suddenly felt chilled despite the fact that she didn’t like her house to be cold. She dialed his number, waited for a few rings, and smiled when he answered. 

“Hey,” he greeted her, and she was relieved to hear that he sounded like himself once more. The stress was gone from his voice and she could hear the smile on his lips. “There you are. You got busy, huh?” 

Tessa thought of standing in the auditorium as she watched Scott and his family filter out of the building. She took a few minutes to clean up, helped the custodians sweep the floors and adjust some of the scenery. She had driven back to her house in the quiet still of the dusk, spent a long time soaking in the tub as she glanced at her phone. She’d sank beneath the bubbles, her hair pulled into a top-knot, and thought about what Scott might be doing. She wondered if he and Lily and Jenna were having a cozy dinner together, laughing and reminiscing, felt the jealousy bubbling within her, and immediately felt guilty. Lily deserved to have a healthy relationship with her mother. Scott deserved that closure. 

And she hoped that’s what he would get from this; closure. She hoped it helped him come to terms with the end of his marriage, that it wouldn’t encourage him to give Jenna another chance. The thought alone had caused her to slide beneath the warm water, closing her eyes and holding her breath. The silence was peaceful, deafening. She wanted to stay there, blocking the world out and forgetting about the joy in Lily’s eyes when she’d seen Jenna, the way Scott had seemingly nearly forgotten to kiss her before he’d left. She thought of the way she’d walked away from him despite every cell in her body urging her to stay, to make sure that both he and Lily were okay. 

Now, settled onto the couch with the phone pressed to her ear, she smiled at the sound of his voice. 

“You said you’d call me,” she reminded him, and thought numbly of the way she’d watched her phone as she’d soaked in the tub, the way her fingers had tapped on the screen as she’d eaten dinner alone. Still, she smiled, and hoped that he could hear the gentle teasing in her voice. The last thing she wanted was to chase him away, make him feel like she was half as jealous as she felt. “Or did you forget about me?” 

Immediately, she hated herself for the joke. She didn’t want to be this woman, the jealous new girlfriend who couldn’t deal with his ex. Whether she liked it or not, Jenna would likely always be a part of Scott’s life due to Lily. Even if Jenna never got partial custody, even if she disappeared from their lives and never showed back up, she would always comprise half of Lily’s genetic makeup. There would always be reminders of her. And that was okay, that wasn’t anything Tessa wasn’t willing to accept. She loved Scott and she loved Lily and she was happy to be involved in their lives in any way she could. 

“No,” he responded, and he sounded concerned, hurt. “Tess, I could never forget about you. We had a long dinner and then I had to get Lily ready for bed.” He was quiet for a moment, measuring Tessa’s response. “Jenna didn’t come back to the house. We went to eat with my family and then she went home.” 

Tessa hesitated, considering his words. She’d been afraid to ask. It was part of the reason she’d put off calling when he didn’t contact her first. She thought of the three of them sitting on Scott’s couch, his arm casually draped over Jenna’s shoulders, and a wave of nausea rolled in her stomach. 

“You believe me, right?” He asked, and she did, without question. 

“Yes,” she answered truthfully. “Of course I do.” 

“Good,” she heard him smile again, loved the way her heart seized with the sound of his voice. She wanted him to be here now, his strong and sturdy arms wrapped around her, holding her close enough to feel his heartbeat. “Do you want to come over?” 

She smiled against the phone, opened her mouth to tell him that yes, she absolutely wanted to come over, that she’d be over in ten minutes, before she thought of the wine glasses she’d emptied. It didn’t feel right, driving when she knew she’d had enough to drink, and with a pang of regret she remembered the way Scott had talked about Jenna’s problems with alcohol. She thought of the resentment he’d expressed regarding her drinking and driving, and knew immediately that she couldn’t slip behind the wheel of the car. 

“I…I can’t,” she shook her head, feeling the corners of her lips turn down. “I had some wine, Scott… can you come over here?” 

She heard him sigh, catch his breath. 

“Tess, Lily’s asleep. I can’t drag her out of the house.” He hesitated for a moment, “Maybe I can see if my mom can come over…”

“No,” Tessa interrupted, glancing at the clock. It was nearly ten-thirty. “It’s late, don’t do that.” 

They settled into silence, and Tessa considered telling him that she’d changed her mind, that she’d get an Uber or a taxi or rent a private limo just to be able to get to him, to fall asleep wrapped in his arms. She needed him desperately, needed to be able to look into his dark eyes and feel what she’d felt this afternoon during the recital, what she’d wanted so badly to last forever. 

“It’s been a long day, baby,” his voice broke through the silence, “maybe we should both just get some sleep. Why don’t you come over tomorrow and we’ll have breakfast? Your studio is closed, maybe we can take Lily to a hockey game or something. Spend the whole day together.” 

The thought of spending an uninterrupted day with Scott and Lily filled her with hope, made her heart race. She’d fallen so head-over-heels in love with both of them, wanted nothing more than to fall back into that easy feeling of loving and being loved. 

“Okay,” she agreed, feeling a smile press across her lips. “That sounds great.” 

He was quiet for a moment, both of them feeling the fatigue of the day sink into their bones. Tessa yawned without meaning to, and she heard him smile. 

“I’m proud of you, kiddo. You put on an amazing show today, and I’ve never seen Lily look so happy. The pride on her face was incredible. Thank you for bringing her out of her shell.” She heard the emotion in his voice, could imagine his eyes wet with unshed tears. 

His words caused her to flush, the heat rising in her chest and pooling at the tips of her ears. 

“I didn’t do anything, Scott. I just gave her the confidence to do what she was already capable of doing.” She settled back against the couch cushions, pulling a white knit blanket over her lap. “Lily is a natural dancer, Scott. I hope you’ll consider signing her up for dance classes in the future.” 

“What, are you kidding?” She heard him grin. “I’m already putting aside money for her tuition for next season. Unless, you know, we can work out a deal.” 

“Oh?” She laughed, her lips curling into a playful smirk, “What kind of deal, exactly?” 

“Hmm,” he teased, his voice softening. She could hear him shifting beneath his blankets and she thought of him in only a t-shirt and boxers, dark hair mussed as he settled against the pillows. She could imagine him now, his muscular body tight beneath the sheets, his strong fingers gripping the phone as he held it to his ear. “Maybe you knock fifty dollars off tuition for each orgasm I give you.” 

She grinned, found herself laughing despite the morose mood she’d been in only a few moments earlier. 

“I’ll tell you what,” her voice was low, sultry. “Keep those orgasms up and Lily will be attending for free.”

He laughed then, loudly, and she covered her mouth her hand as if she were the one who needed to be quiet for the sake of a sleeping child. 

“Deal,” he chuckled, and she heard the smile in his voice. There was a moment of quiet between them before Tessa yawned again. She heard him shift in his bed.   
“It’s late, babe. You need to get some sleep.” 

“I don’t want sleep,” she whined, pulling a throw over herself. “I want you.” 

“Oh, T,” he sighed, his voice full of need, “I want you, too.” He went quiet for a moment, and Tessa’s lips parted to question if he was still there just as he spoke again. “What would you think about moving in together?” 

His questions caught her off guard, and for a moment it took her breath away. She wanted to, more than anything, but it had only been three months, and what if-

“I’m sorry,” he rushed the words, “that’s crazy. It’s too soon. I don’t want you to make any big decisions like that yet. It’s only been-” 

“Scott,” she said his name, quieted him. “It’s okay. Listen, you’re right, it’s late. We’ll be together tomorrow, okay? We have plenty of time to discuss this.” 

And although her voice was calm, her pulse raced just beneath the delicate skin of her wrist. The words had excited her, enticed her, and all she could suddenly think about was waking up beside him each day, his beautiful face being the first thing she saw each morning. No more lonely nights, no more quiet dinners for one. 

“I love you,” he breathed, and she heard the relief in his voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow, T. Come over early, yeah? We can have breakfast.” 

“Okay,” she nodded, clutching the phone. “I’ll be there by nine.” She was nearly ready to disconnect the call, and then took a quiet breath. “And, Scott?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Did you mean that, about moving in together?” 

She held her breath, waiting for his response. 

“Yeah.” 

She grinned, turned her smile into the soft white throw beneath which she’d tucked herself. 

“I don’t think you realize how happy waking up next to you each morning would make me.” 

*

She’d fallen asleep right on the couch after they’d gotten off the phone. Her body was tired, aching with the stress of the day, and the couch was so soft, so warm that she hadn’t even realized she was nodding off until after she woke with a start. 

The memory of an abrupt sound floated in her mind, and her mouth was dry like cotton. She was confused for a moment, trying to determine if the sharp noise had drawn her from her sleep or had simply been a figment of her imagination when it happened again. 

It was a sudden rap, and it came from the wooden front door; rather, just beyond the door. She took a moment to gather herself, slid from beneath the warm blanket and stretched her limbs. A small groan escaped her parted lips and she glanced at the clock on the mantel. 

_1:13._ She’d been asleep for less than two hours, she realized. She blinked into the dim light of her living room, rubbed her eyes, tried to understand what was happening. There was no reason for anyone to come to her door in the middle of the night. Her mother and sister would always call first if there was an emergency, and Scott would-

Her heart thrummed in her chest. Scott. She remembered the flirtatious conversation they’d had only a few hours before. She thought of him lying awake in bed, thinking of her, wanting her as badly as she wanted him. Maybe he’d been unable to resist the temptation and had taken Lily to his mother’s house. Maybe he’d realized how lonely and alone she’d been here at home, had known that she needed his company. 

It was this thought that pulled her from the couch, her feet taking unsteady steps toward the front door. It was the thought of Scott, breathless with passion on her front stoop, that led her to pull the door open before even glancing through the peephole, oblivious to the person standing just beyond the entrance. 

But it wasn’t Scott, she realized as soon as the door had opened and her eyes fell on the woman standing before her. 

“Jenna?” 

The other woman studied her with gray eyes, her hair falling limply around her thin face. 

“Tessa?” She sounded tentative, but the certainty in her eyes spoke for itself. There was no question of who she was, she’d seen her on stage a few short hours before, introducing herself, performing, had likely seen the kiss Scott had pressed onto her cheek. “Can I come in?” 

Tessa gaped at her briefly, glancing back toward the clock once more, checking the time. _1:15._

“Uh,” she stammered, her fingers curling around the wooden frame of the door. Questions flew through her mind, unease settling in her stomach. “I don’t know, it’s rather late.” 

“Oh,” Jenna shook her head, as if the idea of calling upon someone in the middle of the night hadn’t seemed odd to her. “I’m sorry. Please? I’ll just be a moment.” 

Tessa took a breath, recognized the smell of alcohol on her breath. She clenched her teeth, knew it wasn’t right. She knew she should turn her away, maybe even call the police if she became combative. But there was another part of her that ached for some understanding about this woman, the one who had abandoned her husband and daughter and found it appropriate to show up when and where she wanted. Tessa knew that if she took the time, if she could just comprehend the choices Jenna had made, she could help bring a sense of closure to Scott and Lily. 

Despite the voice in her head that encouraged her not to, Tessa stepped aside and allowed Jenna to enter her home. 

The woman stepped into the building, tucking her hands into her pockets as she hesitated in Tessa’s living room. Tessa stepped away from the door but didn’t close it, instead choosing not to block off her route for escape if it came to it. The insanity of the situation didn’t settle in her brain until Jenna had taken a few steps further into the room, turning in slow circles as she studied the décor. No one in their right mind showed up at a perfect stranger’s house in the middle of the night and expected to be invited in. And no one in their right mind would invite a stranger into their home. 

But she wasn’t a stranger, at least not really. She knew her indirectly. She’d traced her fingers over the lines she’d left on Scott’s face, had seen the pain when his lips turned into a frown as he discussed her. She’d studied the shape of Lily’s eyes, tapped a loving finger playfully against the curve of her nose. And as she looked at Jenna, she saw Lily, just as she had seen Scott in her face the first time she’d met her. And something felt wrong about turning her away when she saw the face of the little girl who had become one of the most important things in her world.

“Jenna,” Tessa spoke suddenly, realizing the question hadn’t occurred to her, “how did you know where I live?” 

Jenna blinked at her before offering a half-smile. 

“My sister. Lily’s aunt. You’ve met her before, right?” She said the words almost as an afterthought, her eyes traveling back to the framed photos on Tessa’s wall. 

“Yes, but I-”

“Lily’s shit at keeping secrets,” Jenna turned to her suddenly. “She talks about you to Julia all the time. Julia tells me. You know Scott won’t let me see her?” 

There was a sudden edge in her voice, and Tessa felt a flicker of apprehension.

“I don’t think it’s-” she began to speak, desperate to defend him, but something in Jenna’s eyes made her hesitate. “He said it was just a custody thing.” 

She found herself afraid suddenly in her own home, desperate not to anger the woman standing before her. She didn’t want to say anything about the problems with alcohol, the way she’d driven recklessly with Lily in the car. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to get the woman out of her house. 

“Mothers shouldn’t be kept away from their children,” Jenna’s voice rose with each word, becoming more belligerent by the moment. “It’s not right.” 

Tessa raised her hands in a defensive move, shook her head. 

“Jenna, I don’t know anything about that. I’m just Lily’s dance instructor. I’m sorry you-”

“Bullshit,” Jenna spat the word at her and Tessa took a step backwards, pressing herself against the doorframe. “You don’t think I know who you are? You haunted me for years, Tessa Virtue.”

Tessa’s eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. 

“I… I don’t understand…”

Jenna laughed, a booming sound in the quiet of the night. Tessa glanced toward the front stoop of her home, concerned for a moment that the noise had drawn her neighbors from their homes, and then realizing that perhaps that was the best thing that could happen at this moment. 

“Do you have any idea how many times Scott talked about you while we were together? It was innocent enough at first, and I even thought it was kind of cute that he was obviously still so hung up on his first love. Everything was _Tessa this, Tessa that_. I tried to make it work with him, even got pregnant for that son-of-a-bitch. I thought having Lily would distract him from you, would make him fall in love with me, but it backfired on me. And then, do you know what happened?” 

Tessa shook her head breathlessly. 

“It went from _Tessa, Tessa, Tessa_ to _Lily, Lily, Lily_. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. I was always too rough with her, too careless. And so what if I had a few drinks before I put her in the car? I’m a good driver, even when I am a little tipsy.” 

“But you got into an accident,” Tessa breathed suddenly, desperate to appease her. “Lily had to be taken to the hospital.” 

Recognition dawned in Jenna’s eyes as she realized Tessa knew the story and she began to nod along. 

“Yeah. Yeah. But Lily was fine. The only thing that was destroyed was the car. Well, that and Scott’s faith in me.” She became quiet for a moment and when she spoke again, she sounded almost remorseful. “Did you know he filed for divorce the next day?” 

Tessa stayed still, shook her head. 

“No. I didn’t.” 

When Jenna met her eyes again, they were filled with hatred. 

“You’ve probably had a pretty easy life, haven’t you?” 

Her question came as a shock and Tessa stood silently, unsure how to answer. It might have appeared that way on the outside, she realized. She’d always had nice clothes, nice homes. She’d had the best coaches and then had gone to the finest dance academies. She’d never wanted for anything, at least not that anyone had been able to see. But no one had seen the times she’d locked herself in her dressing rooms, hotel rooms, bedrooms, and cried from the loneliness that overwhelmed her. No one had felt the ache in her heart, the pain from having so many amazing things and opportunities and no one to share them with. 

Somehow, she didn’t think Jenna had taken those factors into consideration. 

“I’ve had to work for everything I’ve ever gotten,” Jenna continued when Tessa didn’t answer. “I had to work to make Scott love me, and there was always you, and then there was Lily. I had to work to make Lily love me, too. She wouldn’t even come to me as a baby. She would hold onto the bars of her crib and cry until Scott came into the room.” 

“Lily loves you,” Tessa assured her suddenly, thinking of the way the little girl’s eyes had lit up when she’d seen Jenna after the recital. The way she’d called for her desperately, her tiny legs propelling her right into her mother’s arms. 

“Yeah, and you’re going to make damn sure that changes, aren’t you?” 

The sharpness in Jenna’s voice made her blink. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means that you’re trying to take my place, Tessa Virtue. First you won over Scott. And I guess I can’t really fault you for that because he’s been in love with you since he was nine-years-old, but I’m not letting you have Lily, too.” Her voice dropped and she took a step forward. Reactively, Tessa placed her hand on the glass door to the front entrance, her fingers curling around the knob, ready to turn it and burst out of the house at any moment. “Stay away from Lily. She’s not yours to steal.” 

Tessa wanted to tell her that she could be a better mother to Lily than Jenna could ever be, that she wasn’t afraid of some thinly-veiled threat from a deadbeat mother to a little girl who desperately wanted to be loved. But Jenna began to move toward her and all of her confidence evaporated. She closed her eyes, prepared herself for whatever it was that might come, but she felt the glass door move behind her and the smell of alcohol as it brushed past her. Jenna knocked against her with an impossibly strong shoulder, sending Tessa stumbling back into her house. She blinked, watched as the woman trudged down the walkway and paused outside her car for a long moment before climbing inside. 

Even as she backed out of the driveway, she kept Tessa’s eyes. 

Tessa didn’t go back to sleep until the sun had begun to peek over the horizon. 

True to her word, she arrived at Scott’s house just before nine o’clock. She’d spent the rest of the night thinking about Jenna’s threats, considering calling Scott and telling him what had happened. He would understand, of course. He would get the police involved. But the sight of Jenna had made her so uneasy that she had begun to fear any retribution that may come from the woman if she found out that she’d taken such a drastic step. 

She’d tried to talk some sense into herself as the darkness had faded to dawn. She’d tried to tell herself that Jenna was just as lonely as Tessa herself had once been, and unhappiness made people do desperate things. But it didn’t bring her comfort, and as she opened the door to step into Scott’s home, a wave of nervousness overtook her. 

Lily was perched on the floor in the middle of the living room, a doll in each of her arms. She glanced up as Tessa entered and squealed with delight, abandoning her toys to rush toward her and wrap her arms around Tessa’s legs. 

“Tessa!” She grinned up at her, clutching her. “I missed you! Daddy says we’re going to spend the whole day together!” 

The happiness on Lily’s face made her feel weak, and she wanted to drop to her knees and embrace the little girl, but she knew she couldn’t. 

“Yeah,” she breathed, “where’s your daddy, Lily?” 

“He’s in the kitchen!” She beamed, uncoiling herself from Tessa’s legs and slipping her own tiny fingers into Tessa’s hand. “Come on.” 

She led her through the living room and hallway, toward the smell of bacon and pancakes. As they stepped through the doorway, Scott turned and caught her eye. 

“Hey!” He rushed toward her, abandoning the sizzling stove and slipping an arm around Tessa’s waist. “We’ve been waiting for you. How was your night?” 

Tessa’s lips parted, every fiber of her being wanting to tell him about her unexpected guest. She wanted to relay to him the whole story, let him hold her as she recalled how unsettling it had been, how exposed she had felt. But she couldn’t find the words to express herself, couldn’t even begin to explain the vulnerability she’d experienced, and she let out a shuddering breath. 

Immediately, Scott’s brows furrowed. He glanced worriedly toward Lily, shot her an encouraging smile. 

“Hey, Lily girl, go play with your dolls, okay? I’ll call you when breakfast is ready.” 

Lily’s lower lip protruded slightly, curling herself around Tessa’s legs once more. 

“But I wanna play with Tessa.” 

“I know,” his voice was so soft, and it nearly brought tears to Tessa’s eyes. “I know you do, but you can play after breakfast, okay?” 

“Daddyyyyyyyy,” Lily drew the word out, looking up at him with the same eyes that had drilled into Tessa earlier that morning. Tessa took another breath, turning away. She felt trapped suddenly between the two of them, the push and pull of their love and affection. She wanted to turn and run, wanted to push out of the house and escape this mess of feelings and all of the things that, until last night, had felt like a blessing.

“Lily,” Scott warned her, his voice growing more serious. “Go get your dolls. Besides, you don’t want to see me kiss Tessa, do you?” He grinned at her, and Lily wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue. 

“Ew, yucky. No way.” She dropped her arms and dragged herself back into the living room. Immediately, Scott’s hands were on her arms, drawing her attention. 

“Tess? What’s wrong?” 

She knew she must look a mess, sleep deprived and mussed. She’d pulled her hair into a sloppy bun and hadn’t even bothered to put on any makeup. She wouldn’t need it, not today. 

“Scott…” she said his name hesitantly, glancing to make sure Lily wasn’t standing in the doorway. It would be so easy to tell him the truth. It would be such a relief to tell him that Jenna had come by in the middle of the night, had been drunk and had threatened her. But the experience had rattled her to her core, had left her terrified of the woman reappearing, this time with a weapon tucked behind her back. 

“What?” He asked once more, never taking his eyes off her even as the bacon began to burn in its pan. “Tessa, talk to me. What’s going on?” 

Her mouth opened, the words forming on her tongue before she even had a chance to consider them. 

“I can’t see you anymore,” she muttered the words. He blinked, his eyebrows furrowing, eyes widening in confusion. 

“What? Tessa, what do you mean?” 

“I mean I can’t be with you,” she answered quickly, “I can’t date you. I can’t be your girlfriend. We can’t move in together, okay? I just… I can’t do this.” She turned to go, knowing that the tears would start at any moment, but he kept his hand on her arm, forcing her to turn toward him. 

“Where is this coming from?” He asked, his voice breaking with emotion. The food on the stove had been forgotten, a dusty gray smoke rising from beneath the pancakes as she glanced toward them.

Tessa sucked her breath in, shaking her head. 

“I can’t… Scott, I can’t…it’s not safe. Just let me go, okay? You have to let me go.” She was referring to his hand on her arm, but she realized the double meaning as his fingers slipped from her skin. He had been in love with her for over two decades, and even though Jenna’s drinking had been the straw that had broken the camel’s back, it had been enough of a problem to cause a rift in their marriage. It had been the driving force behind Jenna showing up at Tessa’s house in the middle of the night, drunk enough to threaten her but sober enough to remember the truth. 

“Safe?” He asked, “What’s not safe, Tess?” 

She hesitated, thought once more about telling him everything before turning and moving quickly out of the kitchen and down the hallway. His voice called out from behind her, but Tessa’s eyes caught on Lily, who was now standing in the hallway just before the living room, clutching one doll in her arms and watching Tessa with wide eyes. 

“Where are you going?” She asked, her voice so small and frightened that Tessa hated herself for the pain she had caused. Tessa tried to move past her and succeeded on stepping into the living room, but Lily followed her. “Tessa, don’t leave!” 

Tessa paused at the front door, her hand on the knob. Sunlight filtered in from the window on the door, the promise of a new day laid out before her. She bit her lip, determined not to cry in front of Lily. She moved to open the door and heard a quiet sob, turning to see Lily still standing, watching her, tears flowing freely down her tiny face. 

“Please don’t leave me,” Lily sobbed, fat teardrops sliding down her cheeks. “Don’t leave me like my other mommy!” 

In an instant and without thinking, Tessa moved to Lily and dropped to her knees, pulling her into a tight embrace. Lily sobbed into her shoulder, soaking her shirt. Tessa stroked her hair, held her trembling body close. 

“Don’t cry, Lily,” Tessa entreated her as Lily’s tiny arms wrapped around her neck. “Don’t cry.” She pulled away just enough to press a kiss to the little girl’s damp cheek. “And please don’t hate me.” 

She reached behind her neck, gently parted Lily’s fingers and slipped from her grasp. Lily began to weep, dropping onto the floor. By the time Tessa had reached the front door, Scott had gathered his daughter in his arms and her face was buried in his neck. 

Tessa didn’t look back as she climbed into her car, backing out of the driveway and leaving behind the acrid smell of the smoke that wafted from their abandoned breakfast and the sound of Lily’s wails as she called for her.


	11. Chapter 11

Life was hell without Scott and Lily. Each day was a torturous repetition, longer and lonelier than the one before. It was quieter in her life without the sound of Lily’s laughter, colder without Scott’s arms wrapped around her. She spent most of her time alone at home, thinking of the time she and Scott had made love on the couch the morning after the charity event. The way he’d appeared at her door, desperate and apologetic, his eyes filled with concern yet somehow still interested in being with her. How, even though his daughter had suffered an allergic reaction, he’d still found the time to come to her house, apologize for his behavior. 

And how had she repaid him? By leaving him and his three-year-old daughter weeping into each other’s arms because of her overreaction, and it had taken her a week to realize that’s exactly what it had been; an overreaction. She’d allowed Jenna to bully her, to come to her house and harass her to the point that she’d willingly given up the most important things in her life: Scott and Lily. 

She’d gone to the studio a few times, studied herself in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that covered the walls as she practiced her barre. She’d tried to focus on nothing more than her form, the way that her toes pointed, the way her fingers stretched and grasped at the air. There was no one else in the building, no students or parents, but it was as if she could feel the ghosts of Scott and Lily, the echoes of the little girl’s excited squeals. She was almost convinced that if she looked hard enough, she could see the shadows of the family that had, for a time, obliterated the feelings of loneliness that had followed her throughout most of her life. 

Despite her love for Scott, despite the fact that she knew she had loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone in her life, it wasn’t the thought of him that led her to the front step of his house one morning. She was in love with Scott and she knew that. She’d told him so countless times, and when she let herself really think about it, she knew that he was the man with which she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She’d loved him since that first time he’d kissed her at the Ilderton skating carnival, maybe even before that, and she knew that it was more than coincidence that they’d literally run into each other that day in the mall. It was, however, the thought of Lily that led her to their front door.   
She’d replayed the image in her mind of Lily crying, screaming her name and clutching Scott as she begged Tessa not to go. She thought of the fat tears that had rolled down Lily’s cheeks and knew that she couldn’t spend the rest of her life or even another moment knowing that those tears had been because of Tessa herself. Knowing that she’d had the power to stop them and had done nothing to comfort her. 

She was hesitant even as she stood at the front door of their home, curling her fingers into a tight fist before knocking at the door. She waited, holding her breath, as she waited for Scott to pull the door open. There was a murmur behind the door, and it was if she could sense the lull before the door slowly opened. 

Scott stood, dressed in a grey t-shirt and jeans, the short sleeves bunching around his well-defined biceps. Tessa took a quiet breath, wet her lips, and met his eyes.   
He blinked at her, eyebrows furrowed slightly. To his credit, he didn’t look angry, didn’t even appear to be upset with her. He looked tired, sad. Her heart clenched in her chest. 

“Scott…” she said his name almost as an apology, wishing that this was anything but what it was. She wanted to be able to pick up where they left off, rush into his arms and beg him to make love to her. She didn’t want to be here now, like this, desperate and full of regret. “I’m sorry. Can I-”

“Tessa!” She heard the squeal of her name, saw Lily rush from the hallway and into the living room despite Scott’s attempt to shield Tessa’s view of her with the front door. It was only a matter of seconds before Lily was past Scott, colliding with Tessa’s legs and wrapping her tiny arms tightly around her waist. “You’re back!” 

It took Tessa aback for a moment, the sudden and willing way Lily greeted her. She’d expected tears, maybe even one of the cold glances she’d directed toward Tessa at the beginning of their relationship. She’d anticipated that Lily might turn away from her or cling to Scott, but she exhibited no signs of distrust or anger. It was almost as if Tessa had never walked out that door, and she realized, despite Lily’s eager reception, that this would be much more difficult a task than she’d originally predicted. 

“I knew you’d come back!” Lily grinned up at her, her tiny teeth clenched in a wide grin. “I missed you!” 

Tessa allowed her fingers to pat hesitantly at Lily’s back. There was nothing she wanted more than to kneel, to scoop Lily into a hug and hold her so close that she would be able to feel the patter of her tiny heart. She knew, however, that Lily wasn’t the one who was owed an explanation. Lily was young and resilient, maybe she didn’t even realize the seriousness of what had taken place last week. She’d been upset, of course, but children forgave easily and often forgot even easier. 

“I missed you, too, Lily,” Tessa glanced down at her, offered her a gentle smile. “I missed you so much.”

“Are you coming inside, Tessa?” Lily didn’t wait for a response before she slid her hand into Tessa’s, attempting to tug her past the door’s threshold and into the house. Before Tessa allowed herself to be pulled past the door, she looked up at Scott, silently requesting permission. He didn’t speak, but pushed the door open and followed them inside.   
Lily began to chatter, hurried to the couch and retrieved one of her dolls, cradling it carefully in her arms and presenting it to Tessa as if she were a proud new mother. She talked excitedly, grinning and giggling at her own stories as she attempted to fill Tessa in on the last week as if they’d been apart for years. Tessa listened quietly, nodding and murmuring her assent.

This went on for a few long moments, Lily never quieting or even hesitating long enough to take a deep breath. She prattled on, beginning another story about one of her dolls when Tessa finally decided to crouch, her delicate fingers brushing Lily’s soft cheek. 

“Lily, I love hearing about your dolls. I really do. But… I need to talk to your daddy for a few minutes, okay? Do you think you could sit here and watch TV for a little bit?”

Lily glanced uncertainly toward Tessa, and then toward her father. She appeared to hesitate finally, her dark eyebrows furrowing. 

“Are you leaving again?” She asked, her voice quivering. 

Tessa worried her lower lip between her teeth, shook her head slowly. 

“I… I don’t know, honey. I hope not.” It took her a moment to find the nerve to look toward Scott, and when she finally mustered the courage, he glanced away. She pretended not to notice as Lily’s shoulders slumped, her head dipping slightly as her eyes lowered. Tessa touched her cheek once more, encouraged Lily to meet her eyes. “Hey. You can be a big girl for me, right?” 

Lily nodded, curled her arms around her doll and hugged it to her chest. Tessa gave her a soft smile before pushing herself to her feet and turning to look at Scott. 

“Can we talk?” She met his eyes, “Please?” 

She could see the hesitance in his eyes, could only imagine the flurry of thoughts that raced through his mind. She wanted to reach out and touch him, kiss his doubts away.

“I’ll be right back, Lily,” he said, his voice soft and low. “Come get me if you need me okay?” 

Lily nodded once more, settling on the couch, her attention focusing on the cartoon on the television. Tessa followed him silently down the hall and into his bedroom, watching as he closed the door quietly behind them before perching on the edge of the bed. 

“Scott,” she said his name again, more desperately this time, hating that he hadn’t spoken a single word to her since she’d arrived. It made her feel sick, this distance that she’d allowed to grow between them throughout the past week. “Please let me explain why I left you like that.”

She heard him sigh quietly, watched as his face tensed, lines forming on his forehead. 

“It’s not the fact that you left me, Tessa. I’m an adult, I can deal with it.” His eyes suddenly moved to watch her, and she saw the anger behind them. “What I haven’t been able to comprehend, what I can’t stop thinking about, is the way you left Lily like that. She loved you, Tessa. She adored you. And you broke her fucking heart.” 

Hearing him speak this way, in past tense, hurt her more than she’d expected it to. He didn’t need to remind her, she remembered the look of devastation on Lily’s face, could still hear the way she wailed as Tessa had rushed out the door, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake. 

“I know,” Tessa acquiesced, her voice soft and broken. “I know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I didn’t mean to hurt either of you.” 

“You may not have meant to,” he returned, “but you did. You walked out that door and you left her sobbing in my arms. Do you have any idea…” he paused and she could hear the emotion in his voice, could detect the way it broke despite the fact that he’d tried to disguise it. “Do you have any idea what hell I’ve been through the past week, getting her to sleep every night? Trying not to get her hopes up that you’d walk through that door when you’re all she’s been able to talk about? Do you even care how many times I caught her crying?” 

“God, Scott,” she gasped, feeling her own tears beginning to burn her eyes. “Yes, I care. Of course I care. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t. But you don’t know…” she took a shuddering breath, shook her head. “You don’t know the way I’ve beat myself up for the past week about it. And you don’t know what brought me to that point.”

Her words seemed to spark interest within him, his eyebrows furrowing for the briefest moment. 

“What do you mean?” 

Her lips parted, a breath escaping from between them. 

“Jenna came by my house, Scott.” 

It was as if the room had been drained of oxygen, Scott’s face appeared ashen, his eyes growing wide with concern. 

“What? What do you mean she came by your house? When?” His voice had taken on a higher pitch, something like disbelief marking his words. 

“I mean she came by my house,” Tessa repeated, suddenly able to meet his eyes. “The night of the recital. It was late, around one in the morning.” 

“What the hell was she doing at your house?” Scott demanded, pushing himself off the edge of the bed. “And how did she even know where you live?” 

“I don’t know,” Tessa shook her head, “I thought it was you, I opened the door without checking. It was stupid, but I-”

“Jesus, Tessa,” he swept a hand through his hair, “that’s so stupid, why would you do that?” 

She quieted suddenly, withdrew into herself. She felt embarrassed, ashamed, and her face must have displayed her feelings, because Scott reached out to her, his features softening. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not… it’s not your fault. You just have to be careful. You can’t just…” his voice faded. “What did she say to you?” 

Tessa blinked at him, hesitated for only a moment and then realized that she’d come here for this, to rectify the pain that she’d caused. She couldn’t fully do that until she allowed herself to be truthful with him. 

“She muttered some vague threats, told me to stay away from you, and from Lily. She didn’t specifically tell me what she’d do, just to stay away. I shouldn’t have let it affect me like it did, Scott, but she was drunk and I-”

“She was drunk?” The anger was evident in his face, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. “She came to your house drunk and threatened you? Jesus Christ, Tessa, why didn’t you call the police, or at least call me? I would’ve come over and-” 

“And what?” Tessa challenged him, “Brought your sleeping three-year-old? She scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want to drag you or Lily into it.”

“Tessa,” he said her name, and she met his eyes. “The only person getting dragged into this is you.” He moved to grab his cell phone from his bedside table, swiping across the lock screen. “I’m calling the police.”

“No!” Tessa reached for him, nearly stumbling over her own feet despite all of her grace. Her fingers curled around his, tugging them open, desperate to pull the phone from his hand. “Scott, please don’t!” 

“Why not?” He glared up at her, his eyes dark. “She knows to stay away from us. I should have called the police when she showed up at the recital…” 

“Scott,” Tessa said his name softer now, drawing his gaze. “You can’t do this to Lily. She deserves to have her mother in her life in some way if that’s what she decides. If she’s in and out of jail, Lily will never get the chance to see her.”

She wasn’t sure why she was defending her now despite the fact that she’d unsettled her so deeply just the week before. It had been invasive and unwelcome, seeing Jenna show up at her house, the stink of alcohol on her breath, but she wanted to believe that there was good beneath her rough exterior. If for no other reason, then for Lily’s sake, in the hope that one day she might be able to have a real relationship with her biological mother. 

“I swear to God I never would have married her if I’d have known…” He quieted, his jaw clenching, but his hand was already releasing his cell phone, allowing it to rest on the bedside table once more. 

Tessa frowned, shook her head. 

“Scott, you don’t mean that. If you had never married her, you wouldn’t have Lily. And she’s…” she hesitated for a moment, the thought of the little girl’s face bringing tears to her eyes. “She’s the best part of your life.” 

“One of the best parts,” he said a moment later, his voice low, barely audible. Tessa met his gaze, swallowed. 

“I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I should never have let her get to me like that. I’m sorry I said the things I said to you, and I’m so sorry that I hurt Lily. I never wanted to…” 

She began to cry, sobbing and gasping, burying her face in her hands. Her tears were hot and wet, spilling from her eyes and into her hands. Part of her wanted to turn away from Scott, to run like she had before, hide the truth of her emotions from him. Still a bigger part wanted to go to him, curl into his arms and beg him to hold her as she wept. Instead of doing either of these things, she continued to stand before him, sniffling loudly and only moving her hands from her face when she felt the tears begin to slow. 

He was still standing, still watching her, but the anger on his face had been replaced with something softer; empathy, maybe even pity. She hated that. She didn’t want him to pity her. She would have preferred him to be angry, to yell at her or hurt her with his words. And maybe he would have, had she not made a spectacle of herself in front of him, sobbing just as his child had as he’d held her in his arms. Of course he felt sorry for her; she was pathetic. 

“I hate myself for what I did to you and Lily,” she shuddered, wiped at her eyes. “I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I thought… I just had to…” 

“Tess,” he said her name, interrupting her. “Stop.”

She did, silencing herself. She watched him warily, trying to keep her jaw from trembling as he studied her. 

“I’m sorry that Jenna showed up to your house,” he finally said, his voice quiet. “She shouldn’t have done that. That’s inexcusable. And to threaten you, however vaguely it may have been…” he paused for a moment, and she could see that he was collecting his thoughts. “Can you just answer one thing for me?” 

Tessa sniffled again, nodded. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me? That day when you showed up to my house. Why didn’t you just tell me that Jenna showed up? We could have called the police. All of this could have been avoided if you’d just been honest with me.” 

She’d wondered the same thing herself for days after she’d left Scott and Lily crying in the living room. She’d tried to rationalize it, tried to understand why it had been so difficult for her to be upfront with him when there was no doubt in her mind that Scott would have taken her side. It had taken her two days of solitude to truly understand it herself. 

“Because Lily needs a mom,” she answered after a moment, her voice laced with tears. “She’s just a little girl. She just wants that acceptance and love from her so badly, Scott. I saw the way Lily looked at her after the recital, the way her eyes lit up.” 

“Oh,” Scott nodded, then focused his gaze on her. “You mean the same way she looks at you?” 

Tessa’s breath caught in her throat. 

“Scott, I don’t…” She let her voice fade. What was she trying to say? She didn’t want Lily to look at her in that way? She didn’t want to be a stand-in mother? None of those things were true. “I don’t know if I would be…” A good mother, she wanted to say. I don’t know if I would be a good mother. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. What can I do to make this right? I don’t... I can’t lose you again, Scott.” 

Of course she was referring to the first time she’d lost him; the day she’d walked away and left him crying on that bench in the park when she’d been twelve years old. She’d waited over two decades to see him again, but had never known for certain if she would. In the interim of the week they hadn’t spoken, she’d been terrified that when she’d walked away from him it had been for the second –and final- time. That he wouldn’t be so forgiving this time around, especially considering the feelings of his daughter were at stake. 

He let out a quiet sigh, took a step toward her. Slowly, his hand reached for her, tracing the curve of her jaw and then tugging gently, affectionately on a lock of her dark hair. She stood, watching him unsurely. With the certainty he’d always somehow exhibited with her, he took another step, closing the gap between them and pulling her into his embrace. She took a breath as he clutched her to his chest and she buried her face in his neck, inhaling his scent and letting her fingers curl against his t-shirt. 

“Tess,” he breathed her name, pressed a kiss against her shoulder. She began to cry again, softly this time, as she clung to him. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” 

She let herself by held by him, cherished the moments of bliss in his arms, before finally forcing herself to pull away, wiping her eyes and meeting his gaze. 

“Lily…” she whispered the little girl’s name, “I need to talk to her. I have to apologize to her. She needs to know that I-”

“She knows,” Scott touched her face. “Believe me, Tess. She knows. She’s been my rock this entire week, as pathetic as that is. She could see how upset I was, no matter how desperately I tried to hide it from her. She was more positive than I was that you’d come back.” 

Tessa lowered her gaze, felt a breath escape her. 

“You didn’t think I’d come back?” 

Somehow, it hurt more to hear him say it than it had to think it herself. The thought that she’d convinced him she’d been able to give up on everything that had lead them to this point in their lives was painful. 

“I didn’t know,” he finally answered, and she heard the weight in his words. “I hoped you would. I wanted there to be some kind of reason that you reacted that way, I just didn’t…I never thought it would be because of something like that.” 

She felt him studying her, knew that he was likely trying to gauge her reaction. 

“I’m glad you decided to come back, Tess.” He took her hand into his, pressed his lips to her knuckles. “I was worried about you. I wanted to call you so many times, but I…” he paused, “I didn’t want to pressure you anything, and I had to think about Lily. I couldn’t-” 

She raised her eyes to him.

“I know,” she cut him off. She didn’t know if she could hear him say the words, that he hadn’t been willing (or perhaps able) to chase her down. Of course he had to take Lily into consideration, and if a grown woman decided to walk away, his first priority always had to be his daughter. “I understand.”

He raised her hand to his mouth, pressed a kiss against the back of it, then curled his fingers within hers. 

“So what does this mean, exactly?” He asked, his thumb tracing her knuckles. “Are you back for good, or just for now?” 

“I want to be with you,” she whispered, studying his face. “I want us to be how we were before. Do you think we could do that? Do you still have feelings for me?” 

“Tessa,” he said her name softly, “I waited twenty-two years to find you again. You really think a week is going to make me fall out of love with you?”

She felt the flush creep up her neck and into her cheeks and offered him a small smile.

“I think I need to talk with Lily now. I mean… if that’s okay.” She felt sheepish and almost ashamed, she realized, crawling back to him and Lily, begging for their forgiveness, but it wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her mouth. “Of course it’s okay.” He took her hand again, led her from the bedroom and down the hallway, back to the living room where Lily was still on the couch, her attention turning immediately toward them. 

“Okay, Lily,” Tessa grinned at her, hoped she couldn’t see through the façade she’d plastered onto her face. “I’m ready, girl. Tell me everything you’ve been doing for the past week.” 

Lily’s tiny face split into a wide grin and she slid from the couch as Tessa sat. She began to chatter excitedly, rambling on about swimming and skating and dinosaurs, which seemed to be a new and passionate interest.

“And Daddy took me to see the dinosaurs and they were so big, Tessa!” To accentuate the enormity of the creatures, she hopped on the tips of her toes, Tessa’s eyes drawn to her tiny bare feet. “We went to the museum and they were even taller than Daddy!” 

“No way,” Tessa feigned a gasp, “Taller than Daddy? That’s pretty tall!” 

“Yeah!” Lily clapped her hands together in innocent glee. “And guess what?” 

“What?” Tessa asked, grinning. 

“My baby went with me.” Lily held the doll out to Tessa, the plastic face smiling up at her with wide blue eyes. 

“Oh,” Tessa nodded, tracing her fingers lightly over the doll’s face and over its slightly turned up nose. “That’s a very lucky baby.” 

Lily smiled, nodded, and cradled the baby close to her chest. 

“You know,” Tessa glanced up at Lily, studied her tiny face. “This baby is very lucky to have you, Lily. You’re such a good mommy to her.” 

Lily’s face turned up toward her, now serious and inquisitive. 

“You and your baby and your daddy must have had a lot of fun this week, yeah?” 

Lily smiled gently, nodded once more. 

“I wish I had been there,” Tessa added after a moment. Lily watched her, blinked, lowered her eyes to the doll in her arms. 

“Me too.”

“Lily,” Tessa said her name, drew her attention once more. “Have you ever made a big mistake?” 

Lily shook her head, shrugged. 

“I don’t know. What’s a mistake?” 

“A mistake,” Tessa smiled at her, “is when you say or do something you didn’t mean. Maybe you hurt the feelings of somebody you really care about or you do something that makes someone feel sad. Do you understand?” 

Lily watched her uncertainly. 

“I made a mistake, Lily,” Tessa continued. “I hurt your feelings, and your daddy’s feelings. I made you sad and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweet girl.” 

Lily stared, her dark eyebrows furrowing. 

“I shouldn’t have left you like that, baby. I wish I hadn’t. I’m really upset with myself that I hurt you the way I did.” Tessa frowned, blinked at her. “Do you think you can forgive me, Lily?” 

Lily grinned, pressed herself close to Tessa and slid her tiny arms around her neck. 

“I’m not mad. I’m happy. And so is my baby.” She situated the doll between them, Tessa’s hands resting on Lily’s back, feeling the gentle beat of her heart and the breath that filled her lungs. “She missed you a lot. I missed you more, though.” 

Tessa caught her breath, pulled away and fought the tears that burned her eyes. She offered Lily a bright smile despite the bittersweet moment. 

“Well, if your baby missed me that much, I think maybe I could take her out for a special afternoon. Maybe to get our fingernails painted and get some ice cream?” Tessa smiled at her, feeling the burn of affection and love as it coursed through her at the sight of Lily’s sweet face. “And maybe you could come with us.” 

Lily gasped, her mouth falling open in surprise as she glanced toward Scott. For a moment, Tessa was afraid to look toward him. What if he was watching them guardedly, afraid to allow Tessa to get too close to her once again, worried that she’d walk out on them the way she had last week. When she turned to meet Scott’s eyes, however, she found that he was smiling at them. 

“Lily doesn’t want ice cream,” he teased, and the little girl leaped toward him, playfully swinging her fists. 

“Yes she does!” Lily countered, racing toward him. He swept her into a hug, brushed a kiss over her dark hair. 

“You want to get your nails painted?” He asked, feigning disbelief, “You don’t like fingernail polish.” 

“I do!” Lily insisted, glancing toward Tessa, as if his claim would change her mind. “I like it, Daddy! Can I go with Tessa?” 

“Okay,” he sighed dramatically, “I guess you can go. But you have to give me a big hug and a kiss right here,” he pointed to his cheek. Lily squealed, squeezed his neck within her short arms and planted a kiss on his soft face. 

Fifteen minutes later, Tessa stood, watching as Scott buckled Lily’s car seat into her vehicle. He demonstrated briefly how to buckle and unbuckle her and Tessa nodded, watching intently. He gave Lily another hug and a kiss before briefly catching Tessa’s hand, assuring her he’d see her soon, and then shutting the car door. 

As Tessa climbed into the driver’s seat, she adjusted the rearview mirror and made eye contact with Lily, who sat watching her. It felt peculiar but not unpleasant, having this moment, a car seat buckled into the back of her vehicle, a tiny little human worth protecting tucked just behind her. It was an oddly sentimental moment for her as she pulled the car into the street, realizing only as they were halfway to the nail salon that she was holding her breath at each stop sign, waiting patiently for cars to go around her rather than trying to pass them in a game of wills. It was different with Lily in the back, she realized. She was transporting something that was the most important thing in someone’s life… maybe even in her own. 

At the nail salon, they slid into adjacent pedicure chairs, Tessa’s dressed in black leather and Lily’s a childish representation of a pink queen’s throne. Tessa watched her remove her sandals, grinned as Lily dipped her tiny feet into the bubbling warmth of the water. 

“It tickles,” she giggled, her nose wrinkling in a way that reminded her so much of Scott that it hurt. Tessa giggled, too, assured her that she’d get used to the sensation of the bubbles tickling her toes. “Tessa, why are our feet taking a bath?” 

Tessa grinned at her. 

“They’re getting nice and soft. Next, we’re going to get a pedicure. That means that the nail technicians are going to rub our feet and make them feel good. Then, they’ll paint them.” She eyed the tiny bottle of nail polish that sat at Lily’s feet before glancing toward her own. Matching shades of red. Lily caught her eyes and smiled sheepishly, dipping her head a little. 

“I want to be like you.” 

Tessa’s mouth opened. She considered what to say, how to make this moment last between them, but the technicians were already kneeling in front of them and taking their feet into their hands. Lily squealed once more in delight and laughter and Tessa found herself laughing along. 

Lily watched the technician at her feet, fascinated and surprisingly composed as they trimmed her nails and polished her toes. Tessa let her head rest against the back of the seat, transferring her attention between her own experience and the little girl’s reaction. Finally, Lily spoke. 

“Was my mommy mean to you?” 

It caught Tessa off-guard and she furrowed her brows, shaking her head. She couldn’t have this discussion, not with the three-year-old daughter of the woman who had threatened her for being involved in said daughter’s life. 

“No… Lily, no. Of course not. What makes you think that?”

“I heard you tell Daddy she came to your house.” Lily was quiet for a moment and when she raised her eyes to Tessa, they were moist with unshed tears. “Sometimes my mommy is mean and her breath stinks.” She waved a tiny hand in front of her face, as if to dissipate the smell of what Tessa realized was alcohol. 

“Oh,” Tessa said softly, reaching for Lily’s hand and taking it within her own. “Honey, don’t worry about that, okay? Grown-ups can take care of themselves. Mommy and Daddy love you very much, Lily…” Tessa hesitated for a brief moment and then added, “and I love you.”

Lily didn’t respond right away, or even for a few long moments. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet. 

“I wish you were my mommy.” 

The tears stung Tessa’s eyes immediately, a lump forming in the back of her throat. She tried to swallow it down, and then reached for the bottle of water the nail technician had offered her upon entrance. She unscrewed the cap and took a sip, then another bigger swallow before replacing it. 

There were no right words to say at this moment, she knew. She couldn’t begin to explain to Lily all of the reasons she wouldn’t be a good mother, all of her insecurities and fears and the worries that kept her up at night. Lily wouldn’t understand, and she wouldn’t care. She wouldn’t understand anything but the simplest of responses, Tessa knew. 

And so, in an exhale, Tessa spoke. 

“Me too, sweetie.” 

Lily turned her face away, cheeks flushed, but she couldn’t disguise the wide smile that spread across her lips. 

After the spa, the ice cream, and an impromptu stop at a park where Lily chased her until both of them collapsed breathless and laughing onto the well-manicured grass, she took Lily home. Scott was waiting outside for them upon their arrival and she knew that he’d probably been going crazy without his daughter. His entire life had become a cycle of caring for her, spending time with her, living for her. Tessa was sure that free-time was a foreign concept to him, and the sight of him aimlessly spraying the grass with a hose despite a working sprinkler system in place. 

They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing, lounging on the couch and basking in each other’s company. In the company of Scott and Lily, it was as if no time had passed. Their lives had gone on without her, she’d realized, but both of them had left a space within them in anticipation of her return. It was the feeling of family, and it was something Tessa hadn’t known in a long time. 

That night, as Tessa helped Scott tuck Lily into bed and pressed a kiss against her soft cheek, Lily’s arms came up, encircling her and pulling her close. When Lily’s lips brushed a kiss against Tessa’s face, she whispered the words into her ear. 

“I love you, too.” 

Tessa blinked, felt herself stiffen at the little girl’s words, realized that she was responding to the earlier declaration of affection she’d expressed at the spa. Her fingers stroked Lily’s back, clutched briefly at her nightgown before releasing her. 

When Scott welcomed her into his bed a few hours later, Tessa pressed herself close against him, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin against hers. After tugging off her shirt and her bra, she fell into an almost trance, calming beneath his touch and giving in to the sensation of his hands upon her. There was suddenly nothing she wanted more than to submit to him, to allow him to reclaim her as his own. She wanted to be taken by him, to feel every inch of him as he slid inside her. 

As he positioned himself between her legs, his erection pressing against her inner thigh, she pressed her head back against the pillow, her hair falling around her in dark waves. 

“Make me feel like I belong to you again,” her voice was laced with lust, deep and desperate. As he pushed into her, his hips stuttering briefly as he adjusted to the feel of her, he leaned forward and his lips found her ear. 

“You always have,” he rasped the words. 

They found a rhythm with their bodies, their hips rocking together desperately, their bodies and souls moving together in a way that Tessa hadn’t felt before. 

“Fuck, Scott,” she groaned his name as she felt him swell within her, the edges of her orgasm teasing her lower belly. “God, make me yours.” 

He thrust into her a few more times, finally spilling within her and leaving her sated and breathless. 

And once more, she was his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the updates that come so few and far between. The hurt I've endured over the past few months is more than I would wish on anyone. I hope I can bring some light to you by sharing my work. Thank you for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on Instagram, you know I've been having a debate with myself and the idea of giving up writing. Thanks to many messages from people who have told me that what they really need right now is some happy!VM, I've decided to continue. I love these stories and I want to complete them. Despite how terrible the reality of VM may be, I can manipulate this one into whatever I decide. I don't think I'm ready to give that up. 
> 
> If you can no longer read my stories, believe me I understand, but if, like me, you just need some distraction, then please enjoy.

It was past nine o’clock when Tessa’s eyes fluttered open, the disarray of Scott’s bedroom so different than her own, tidy room at home. He was a bachelor, after all, and straightening up likely composed of moving a pile of clothes from the bed to the chair in the corner of the room when Tessa wasn’t around. He wasn’t dirty, didn’t let piles of dishes soak in the sink for days after meals, but she knew that he didn’t value tidiness in the same way she did. Still, for raising a rambunctious three-year-old by himself, she had to give him credit; he stayed on top of things. 

She blinked, turned in the bed, and the dark sheets rustled beneath her. She yawned and tried to stifle it with her hand, mentally berating herself for not thinking to pack a toothbrush and a travel toothpaste in her purse. Of course, that thinking was ridiculous; she hadn’t expected to stay the night here, but after they’d made love she’d been too tired and, honestly, too in love, to even think about dragging herself back to her lonely house. 

She felt the blankets brush against her skin and looked down, surprised to note that she was still nude from the night before. Scott wasn’t in bed beside her, and she panicked for a moment before hearing Lily’s high-pitched laugh floating from the kitchen. Tessa smiled to herself, leaned over the bed and searched the ground for her discarded clothing. When she could find only the shorts he’d tugged off of her in the darkness of the previous evening, she slid them on before padding over to his drawer and pulling out one of his clean white t-shirts. It was too large on her, obviously, and it swallowed her slender frame, but she tied the end of the t-shirt into a knot and brushed her fingers through her loose, dark hair. 

In her pocket, she found a hair tie and wrapped it around her dark hair into a loose bun. She peered down at her red toenails, remembering the afternoon before, in which she and Lily had sat side-by-side, giggling at the feel of strangers massaging their feet and applying the shiny polish. The sound of Lily’s shriek of pleasure reverberated down the hallway and Tessa smiled once more, foregoing prolonging the search for her belongings and slipping out of Scott’s bedroom. 

“Hey,” Scott greeted her with a wide smile as she approached the kitchen, a spatula in one hand as he tended to a pan of sizzling sausage. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” 

“Good morning, Tessa!” Lily beamed up at her from her place at the table, situated into a booster seat in one of the chairs. 

“Good morning,” Tessa smiled, leaned in to capture Scott’s lips in a soft kiss. “Mmm, something smells good.” 

“That’s ‘cause Daddy is a great cook!” Lily exclaimed excitedly. “He’s making sausage!” 

“Oh, sausage,” Tessa peered into the pan on the stove, then pressed her mouth close to Scott’s ear. “I think I had a few servings of that last night.” 

Her words weren’t quiet enough, apparently, because Lily giggled. 

“You ate sausage last night?” She trilled from her place at the table. Scott choked, coughed, and then cleared his throat. Tessa smirked, first at Scott and then Lily. 

“No, honey, I didn’t eat it. At least not completely.” 

Lily’s mouth opened to ask another question, but Tessa cut her off by sliding into the seat beside her and glancing down at the large piece of paper before her. She hadn’t realized that Lily had been drawing a picture, the once-white paper now a festive shade of rainbow. 

“Wow,” Tessa turned the paper slightly to study the little girl’s drawing, pointing to a picture of three analogous circles with two sticks protruding from each. “What’s this?” 

Lily giggled, then grinned at her, rolling her eyes as if it were a ridiculous question. 

“That’s us, silly head!” Her tiny finger landed on the largest circle. “That’s Daddy. And there’s you.” Her finger moved to the medium-sized circle and then the very smallest. “And that’s me.” 

“Oh!” Tessa nodded, grinning down at her. “I see it now. And what are we…” she narrowed her eyes, tilted her head. “What’s on our feet?” 

“Ice skates,” Lily shook her head once more, glancing up at Scott for help. “That’s ‘cause we’re going to Daddy’s store!”

Tessa looked up at Scott now, his back still to them as he tended to their sizzling breakfast. 

“Your store?” Tessa asked, shaking her head. “You mean the skate shop?” 

“Well it’s not my store,” Scott turned now, glancing at them. “At least not yet. Maybe someday. Lily’s confused about that, because I help out a lot. It’s Uncle Paul’s store, Lily Jane.”

“Oh,” Lily shrugged, and then peered eagerly up at Tessa. “Will you come with us?”

Tessa hesitated, chewed on her lower lip, waiting for Scott to protest. It had been decades since she’d seen any member of Scott’s family, didn’t know how she’d be able to look them in the eyes knowing what she’d done to him, how she’d broken his heart once twenty-two years ago and again just last week. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Tessa admitted, but Scott turned, spatula still in hand, an easy smile on his face. 

“Why not? You should come with us. Unless you have something better to do…” his voice dropped, gentle teasing obvious. He met her eyes and she felt the blush creeping into her cheeks and chest. 

“Okay,” she nodded suddenly, still nervous but no longer willing to allow her doubts to drive her away from this wonderful family. “But what will I do?” 

“You’ll play with me!” Lily cheered, pumping her tiny hands into fists as Scott moved to the table, shoveling some scrambled eggs and sausage onto Lily’s plate. She dropped her crayons, picked up her fork and began to slide the food around her plate. 

“And when there’s no one in the shop,” he turned his attention toward Tessa, using the spatula to divvy out her share of the food, “You’ll play with me, too.”

After breakfast, Scott hurriedly washed up the dishes and Tessa joined him at the sink, her hip playfully bumping his as the soapy water soaked their fingertips. Tessa grinned, winked at him. She was not a domestic goddess in any manner of speaking. She kept her home pristine only because it was a sense of comfort for her, not because she enjoyed cleaning. She put off grocery shopping until there was nothing left in her cupboards, didn’t find joy in mopping the floor or sporting a feather duster. But there was something about being domestic with Scott, pressed against him with dish soap climbing up their arms. It was that unfamiliar yet unbelievably comforting feeling of home, the idea that she could do this with him for the rest of her life and never grow tired of it. 

He washed and she dried, using the towel to playfully smack his ass when the dishes were put away. He grabbed it gently, pulled her in for a kiss and traced his fingers over her cheek. 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” he whispered the words into her ear. “You have no idea how much I missed you, Tess.” 

She purred in contentment, tilted her head to allow his lips to trace her neck. 

“I think after last night, I might have somewhat of an idea,” she teased, giggling. He growled in the back of his throat and she felt his fingers curling at the bottom of the t-shirt she wore, tugging on it gently before he spoke once more. 

“Fuck,” the word escaped him in a groan, “my shirt looks so good on you.” 

“Yeah,” she glanced down, then shrugged playfully, “but it’d look even better on the floor.” 

She heard him catch his breath, could feel the heat radiating from his skin. She was thankful that Lily had slipped out of the kitchen in a desperate attempt to escape dish duty. She wanted nothing more than to push him against the counter, sink to her knees and take him into her mouth once more. She wanted to feel his fingers thread through her hair, but Scott’s subtle glance toward the clock on the stove told her that there wasn’t time. 

“Later,” he promised her, catching her hands in his own and bringing her fingers to his lips. “I want you so bad.” 

“I know,” Tessa mused, rocking against him, pressing her sharp hip between his legs. “I can tell. You’re already half-hard.” 

He groaned, allowed his forehead to rest against her shoulder, his thumbs tracing her sides. 

“I can tell Paul I can’t make it today,” he suggested desperately, “My mom can come pick up Lily and we can spend the day in bed.” His voice lowered once more, lips pressing soft kisses against her neck. “I can give you as many orgasms as you want.” 

“Mmm,” Tessa tilted her head, allowing him to press kisses against the skin at the base of her neck. “I don’t think that would be possible even with an unlimited amount of time.”

“Well,” Scott breathed against her skin, “I didn’t hear you complaining last night.” 

Despite her bravado, Tessa felt herself blush. She thought back to the previous night, the way she’d collapsed against him in bed, his softening member still buried inside her as she panted and mewled her satisfaction. She’d come a handful of times, each time tightening around him, begging him for more, with which he happily obliged her. 

“I definitely wasn’t complaining,” she teased back, grinning at him. “I was too busy moaning your name.” 

He laughed then, a chuckle that tickled her skin and sent goosebumps down her arms. 

“I don’t think you-”

“Daddy!” Lily’s voice floated down the hallway, the innocent lull drawing them from their flirtation. 

“Yes, Lily?” His hands were still on Tessa, his lips placing soft kisses down the length of her slender neck. Tessa giggled and pushed him away gently, sliding from beneath his touch. 

“I have to go potty!” She returned. Tessa broke into laughter, turning on her heels away from him and grinning lopsidedly at Scott as he shook his head and let his shoulders slump. 

“I’m coming, sweetie,” he responded before glancing toward Tessa. “And so are you, later tonight.” 

**

Moir’s Skate Shop was bigger than Tessa had imagined it to be. She had a faint memory of once driving through London, seeing an advertisement for the small business, but never going in. It had been in a different location, then, years ago. Now it was located in a converted old building with an A-frame roof and a large sign out front. 

As Scott pulled into the parking lot, Lily let out a whoop and threw her arms into the air joyously. Tessa smiled back at her, wrinkling her nose in a way that Lily copied. She laughed, her hand finding the door handle but hesitating before pulling it open. 

“Come on, Tess,” Scott prodded her, already helping Lily slip out of the car and onto the pavement. Tessa glanced at him before looking back up to the shop, a nearly paralyzing sense of fear bubbling up within her. It was worse now, seeing his family’s name on the shop, knowing that just a few meters away, members of the Moir family were awaiting his arrival. 

What would they think when she walked in behind him? Would they speak to her, acknowledge her presence? Would they even remember her? She wasn’t sure which was worse; the idea that she’d caused Scott so much pain that they still held it against her, or the thought that she’d be so insignificant in the grand scheme of his life that there were no feelings about her either way. 

Scott looked up once more, studied her as she shut the car door and stood, slipping her hands into her pockets. When she glanced up and met his eyes, she knew that he’d seen the worry within them. 

“Hey, Lily,” Scott addressed his daughter, taking her hand. “Let’s get you inside, eh? I think Tessa and I need to have a little talk.” 

He shot her a supportive look before leading the little girl into the building, presumably settling her with family before returning to Tessa’s side, coming to lean on the car beside her, his eyes dark and sincere. 

He reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it, watching silently for a moment as he played with her fingers. 

“What are you afraid of?” His voice was incredibly soft, drawing her eyes to his face. 

She thought about lying, protecting the wall she’d so carefully constructed within herself over the past two decades, but once again remembered their vow to one another: be honest. She couldn’t ever have a committed relationship with him until she allowed him to see her flaws and weaknesses. God knew she had enough of them. 

“I’m afraid your family will hate me,” she admitted, saying the words in such a way that it felt like a flood rushing from her. “I haven’t seen them since I was twelve, Scott. And I don’t know if you remember, but we didn’t exactly end on the best of terms.” 

He looked surprised for a moment, his eyebrows knitting together. 

“Of course I remember,” he shook his head, “how could I not? But Tessa, that was over two decades ago. You were twelve years old. You were forced to make a decision that would be difficult for even a grown adult. You think they’re going to hold some kind of eternal grudge against you because of a decision you made as a child?” 

With the words coming from him, they made sense. How could they possibly still feel anger toward her? But when she looked at him, really looked at his face, she could see the fourteen-year-old she’d left crying on that bench in the park, wondered what he’d told his family when he’d gone home with tear stains on his cheeks. 

“I guess,” she shrugged, looking up at him through her eyelashes. “Maybe you’re right. I just feel so guilty.”

“Guilty about what?” He laughed, stepping closer to her and taking her face into his hands. “Tess, you’ve done nothing wrong. My family loves you. They’ve always loved you. Jesus, Tessa, when I married Jenna my mom almost boycotted the wedding because it wasn’t you wearing a bridal gown. They always thought you’d come back. I was the one who didn’t believe it.” 

At this, she blinked, pursed her lips. 

“You didn’t?” 

“God, no,” he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I mean, I thought maybe you’d find a place close to your family, but why would I have ever thought you’d wind up back in my arms? I mean, God, look at you. You could literally do anything, have anyone.”

“Anyone who isn’t you isn’t worth having,” she pressed her lips to the tip of his thumb, placed a soft kiss on the pad. He opened his mouth, surely to protest, but she straightened her shoulders and reached for his hand, curled her fingers around his and lead him to the front door of the shop. 

When she stepped into the building, the smell overwhelmed her. She took a deep breath, memories flooding her brain; the thought of waiting with Scott and her mother as they’d had their skates sharpened, the way as children they’d compared their blades in an attempt to determine whose were sharper. It was the smell of steel and feet and polish. It was almost overpowering to walk through the doors, remnants of her former life overtaking her with each step. 

But then Scott called out, leading Tessa behind the service desk and into the back of the shop. Lily was seated at a large desk, glanced up brightly at Tessa and Scott as they entered. There was a man that Tessa vaguely remembered, and then a younger woman. There were hugs and greetings and exclamations of disbelief at how Tessa had grown. Lily watched the scene before her play out excitedly, making sure to tell all of them that Tessa was her ballet teacher before exhibiting some of the skills she’d learned in class. 

As they spoke and as members of Scott’s family filtered in throughout the day, her unease dissipated. There was so much love in the room, so many kind words and gestures that Tessa felt guilty over the fact that she’d worried about it at all. She met Scott’s eyes several times over the day and throughout the evening, grinning at him, remembering the way it had felt as a child to have not only her own family, but a surrogate family in his. 

Tessa followed Scott throughout the skate shop, watching him tend to customer orders and speak so affably with everyone who entered the store. He was so personable, so friendly, and she felt her heart aching with the knowledge that he was hers, that above everyone, he had chosen her. It was an honor and a blessing to be able to hold his hand, kiss his lips, look into those brown eyes and know that he wanted only her. 

It was past nine o’clock when Lily began to yawn, her dark eyes heavy with sleep. Scott’s mother had stopped by and swept Tessa into a hug that had lasted long enough to make up for the past twenty-two years. Her arms felt familiar and Tessa allowed herself to relax in her embrace, closing her eyes for just a moment to imagine she was nine years old again and scurrying into her house after practice. A few moments later, she had hoisted Lily into her arms and assured Scott that she’d take her back to their house for the night so Scott could close up. 

When the doors were locked and she and Scott were alone, Tessa sidled over to him, leaned against the customer service counter and watched as he counted the money in the drawer. He must have felt her eyes on him, because he looked up at her and met her gaze, the corners of his lips turning up into a soft smile. 

“What?” His voice was soft, fingers pausing as he shuffled through the bills in the cash drawer. 

“Nothing,” she smirked at him, shrugging her slender shoulders. “You’re just so focused on business.” 

“Well yeah,” he grinned up at her. “Is there something else I should be focused on?” 

She heard the tease in his voice, saw the way his eyes darted almost imperceptibly down to the soft swell of her breasts beneath her t-shirt. She felt his gaze linger there for a moment as she moved toward him, watching as he placed the money back in the drawer. She pressed her hip against the open till, kept his eyes as she heard the latch catch as the drawer shut. 

“You could be focused on me,” she suggested, a grin playing across her lips. He narrowed his eyes at her playfully, made a quiet, low sound in the back of his throat as his hands found her hips and pulled her closer to him. His lips found her neck, pressed quiet kisses against the delicate skin of her throat and shoulders. 

“Okay,” he nodded, his eyes darkening as he watched her. “You have my full attention.” 

She flushed, pushed herself back against the counter until Scott pressed against her, his breath already heavy as he tugged at the hem of her shirt. 

“Good,” Tessa breathed, grinning into his shoulder. “That’s how I like it.” 

“I know how you like it,” Scott responded after a passion-fueled moment, his fingers curling around her hips as he lifted her onto the counter, startling her. She responded with a soft giggle, but at the desire in his eyes, she quieted. He stood between her legs, his hand lifting her shirt, revealing her tight stomach and black bra. He dipped his head to kiss the mounds of her breasts and Tessa threaded her fingers in his dark hair. “You like it when I’m buried inside you, when you can feel yourself tighten around me. You like it when I come inside you.” 

His words were like fire, igniting the spark deep within her that only he seemed to have access to. His kisses turned wet, his tongue darting out to lick her porcelain skin. Tessa sighed, letting her head fall back before sucking in her breath and drawing her arms over her chest. 

“Scott,” she whispered his name, “What about the cameras?” 

His paused, his lips placing another wet kiss on her chest before glancing up to the corner of the ceiling, pursing his lips as he considered her words. 

“Stay here.” He pressed a chaste kiss against her lips before stepping out from behind the counter and moving into the back of the store. She kept her eyes trained on the camera and a moment later, the red light beneath the lens blinked off. She sighed, and a few seconds later Scott reappeared, smirking. “I’ve turned the security cameras off. But honestly, Tess,” he lowered his voice teasingly. “Maybe we should have just let them watch.” 

She flushed at the idea, her chest burning hot at the mere suggestion. Scott’s hands cupped her breasts, pushing them up and into his mouth as he nipped at the hot flesh. Tessa moaned, sighed his name. She wanted more, needed him inside her despite the fact that it had been just last night that he’d quenched her thirst for him. Tessa’s hands went to his neck, his fingers curling around his shoulders. She lifted her hips and he responded in kind, finding the waistband of her shorts and pushing them aside, not bothering to remove them. 

She heard his zipper and then felt the pressure of his erection against her, took a quiet breath just as he pushed into her. There was no hesitation in his movements as he slid into her, no resistance from either her body or his. Her body welcomed him, made it easy for him to fill her until he was buried to the hilt, their hips pressed together. 

He panted in her ear, his breath hot and desperate as she mewled, a sound she’d only ever heard herself make with him. He filled her and then slid from her, repeated this action over and over until her body physically ached the loss of him. Desperately, she reached behind him, grabbed his ass and pulled him into her, essentially trapping him within her. 

“And, Scott?” She corrected him, feeling her muscles tense around him, feeling the familiar clench of her walls. “I don’t like it when you come in me. I fucking love it.” 

He groaned at the lust in her voice, let his head fall against her shoulder as she bucked her hips into him. 

“Come for me, Scott,” she whispered the words frantically to him, knowing her climax was inevitable. “Come in me. Fill me up.”

She knew it was filthy, the act of him emptying himself inside her on the counter of his family’s business. She knew she’d be filled with shame tomorrow, or the next time she looked into one of his family member’s eyes. 

But as she heard him groan and swell within her, she didn’t fucking care. 

She felt him come before he any noise left him, the warm wetness filling her just before he whimpered and fell against her, her muscles milking him and consequently drawing him further into her. They panted against one another, their skin flushed and hot. Tessa dropped her gaze from Scott’s contented face to the spot where they joined together, feeling a rush of excitement and arousal at the sight of him still buried inside her.

“Jesus, Tessa,” he breathed, his gaze dropping to follow hers, “what do you do to me?” 

She made a pleased sound in the back of her throat, watched as he pulled away from her, making sure to cup his hand beneath them as they parted, suddenly seemingly mindful of the fact that they had fucked on the counter of his family business. She lifted her hips once more, tugging up her shorts and slipping from the counter. 

“If anyone was doing anything, it was you,” she teased, “I can’t help the fact that you can’t keep it in your pants.” 

“Oh,” he feigned indignation, scoffing, “Is that why you wanted my attention so desperately? So you could help me keep it in my pants?” 

She giggled and followed him into the back, watched as he washed his hands, felt the warmth settle between her thighs. She lingered behind him, grinning as he swept her into his arms for another kiss, skin still flushed with arousal. 

“Tess,” he said her name, meeting her gaze as she blinked up at him. “I didn’t get a chance to ask last night, and I… I just wanted to clarify. You still want to be with me?” 

“Scott,” she tilted her head, narrowed her gaze at him. “Of course I do. Do you want to be with me?” 

He grinned like a fool, his lips curling up. 

“Based on what just happened, I think that answer should be fairly obvious,” he grinned. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his face growing serious. “Move in with me, Tessa. With us. Lily would be thrilled, and I… I want to be with you every day, wake up next to you every morning. I want you to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep. I don’t want to spend another night without you in my bed.” 

Her lips parted, and she nearly spoke before she considered his words. She thought of the past week, of the way she’d stormed from his home and the days they hadn’t spoken. She thought of the way she’d sobbed over the memory of him, how all she’d wanted was to be with him. She thought of how long they’d been together (just a few months) and if she was certain they’d never have such a dramatic fight again (could anyone really guarantee that?). She knew she should say no, that it was something to be taken seriously and something they certainly couldn’t decide after spur-of-the-moment sex. 

Yet, when she spoke, all she could say was _yes_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had a dramatic event happening at the end of this chapter, but in light of recent events I've pushed it back. I think we all just need some fluff right now.
> 
> P.S. We all know who Jenna is based on. Please feel free to despise her as needed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while this chapter will certainly distract you from all the real-life VM angst, that isn't to say it's fluffy. BUT there are no relationship troubles and I believe it will make you feel something. Read on!

Three weeks later, Tessa had nearly moved all of her belongings into Scott’s house… _their_ house. Some of the items had replaced Scott’s, some of them put into storage. They’d hired movers to lift the heavy things and Tessa had taken care to pack away the fragile items herself, covering them in bubble wrap and tucking them carefully into boxes. There were mementos of her life as a professional ballerina, medals that she and Scott had won on the ice as children. There were family photographs, a few simple knick-knacks that had been handed down to her from her mother and grandmother. Scott had made room for her items without complaint or fanfare, pushing aside his own décor to make room for hers. By the time the final box was unpacked and broken down for recycling, Tessa’s influence was in every room of the home. 

It was exhilarating, waking up every morning beside him, needing only to pad down the hallway to see Lily’s smiling face. He held her every night as they fell asleep and she woke tangled in his sheets and his arms, foggy with sleep and her love for him. He was there for her, she no longer needed to wait for his call or text. It was everything she’d ever imagined it might be those few times she’d allowed herself to do so. 

And Lily was right about one thing; Scott was a great cook. He was all too happy to spend time in the kitchen, frying and baking and boiling. It was a skill he seemed to have honed over the past two decades, and within three weeks of living with him, Tessa had already gained two pounds. It wasn’t concerning, not really. She would hit the gym harder, spend more time at the studio once classes resumed next month. She’d never had a problem with her weight, couldn’t when she’d spent her life doing ballet. She’d never had time to gain weight because she had rarely had time to eat. 

Still, she frowned at herself in the reflection of the washroom mirror. Her eyebrows furrowed as she studied her slender frame, running her hands along her sides and cupping her tender breasts. Scott had come into the washroom as she’d considered her body, tilting his head at her curiously. 

“What’s wrong?” He’d asked, moving to stand beside her, looking at his own reflection and then her puzzled face. 

“Nothing,” Tessa murmured, then shook her head. “I mean, not nothing. I just… you’re too good at cooking. At this rate, I’m going to need a bigger leotard when classes start back up.” 

“Mm, nothing wrong with that,” Scott assured her, stepping behind her and placing a series of gentle kisses along the curve of her neck. “I think you look incredible, Tess.” His hands slid over her hips and up her flat stomach, fingers cupping her breasts. “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but… you have boobs.” 

“Hey,” she scoffed at him, playfully smacking his hands away before turning, considering herself from the side. “I’ve always had boobs. But I…” she paused, eyebrows going up in a moment of surprise. “Oh, wow. I do have boobs.”

He’d laughed, taken her into his arms once more and turned her to face him. 

“You are beautiful,” he reassured her, kissing her nose, cheeks, forehead. “You’re perfect. Your body is perfect. But if you want to watch your figure, I can start looking up some low-carb recipes. It wouldn’t hurt any of us to start eating a bit healthier.”

She’d smiled at him, leaned up and pressed a kiss against his lips. 

“Thank you.” 

He traced his fingers down her side, fingertips gently brushing her hips. 

“Although, I’m afraid Lily wouldn’t be too pleased if I made her a sugar-free chocolate cake for her birthday in a couple weeks.” 

Tessa turned her face up to his, her eyes narrowing in confusion. 

“Lily’s birthday?” She blinked up at him. “When’s her birthday?” 

“The fifteenth,” kept her eyes, shaking his head. “We talked about this the other night. Don’t you remember?” 

Tessa chewed on her lower lip, tried to recall the memory. She vaguely remembered Scott mentioning something about a party, and in her post-coital haze she’d assumed he’d meant a house-warming party, which she didn’t realize until this moment made absolutely no sense. 

“Oh,” she smiled sheepishly at him, “No, I guess I don’t. I can’t believe Lily hasn’t been talking non-stop about it.” 

“Oh believe me, she would be, if she knew,” he laughed. Tessa looked at him in surprise. “I haven’t told her yet and she’s completely oblivious to the date. Once she finds out, it’s all you’ll hear about until this time next year.” 

Tessa studied his face, traced her fingers over his sharp jawline. 

“So what kind of party is Lily having?” 

He sighed, ran a hand through his dark hair. 

“Well, I was planning something to do with dinosaurs. And since she’s turning four, I figure this is the first year she might remember her party. And to be honest, Tess, I’m shit with this stuff. You’re good at planning, right? Would you help me?” 

She heard the desperation in his voice, knew how badly he wanted to please his daughter. And this would be good, she realized. It would be so meaningful to plan Lily’s party, to give her the memory of celebrating with both herself and Scott. The first of many birthday celebrations together. 

“Of course I’ll help,” Tessa nodded, grinned, “just as long as you don’t expect me to cook.” 

Lily’s birthday arrived quickly, and with it, her birthday celebration. Tessa had managed to gather the supplies and decorations, had asked Scott to provide her with a list of the other children in Lily’s preschool class. She’d sat at the dining room table with the little girl, her tiny fist clutching a marker as she painstakingly wrote each of her friend’s names. Tessa wondered how it had gotten to this point, how she’d gone from being featured on the stage of a prestigious ballet to sitting at her boyfriend’s table, watching as his daughter formed lines and curves with her clumsy writing. She thought of how she’d imagined her life would turn out, and while she’d never envisioned this, she didn’t know if she’d have chosen any other path. 

On the day of the party, Tessa stood by, watching as children and parents arrived at their home. She wasn’t a party host, had never claimed to be one, and Scott was the one who loved children. She could manage well enough, could lead a class of three-year-olds in a plie, but had absolutely no control once cake and ice cream were involved. 

It was summer, which meant the party could be held in the backyard, and for that Tessa was thankful. The idea of a group of curious preschoolers racing through her new home, their dirty shoes and sticky fingers leaving traces of unknown substances on her walls and floors was almost too much for her to bear. She’d spent the morning of the party in the washroom, sick to her stomach at the thought of losing control over the horde of children. Scott had found her, comforted her, and she’d felt so foolish that she’d burst into tears. 

He’d simply held her, rubbing her back in slow, concentric circles until her tears had quieted and she’d wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. When she’d been calm once more, he’d led her to their bedroom, laid her down on their bed and had placed gentle kisses over her exposed skin. She’d arched against him, whispered his name desperately as the ache had grown within her, but he’d never entered her. They’d laid together for a few long moments, simply breathing in the intoxicating scent of the other. 

Now, that moment seemed years away. Tessa stood watching as Scott led the children in a game in which they needed to attach a dinosaur’s tail to its body while blindfolded. She couldn’t fight the affectionate smile that crept across her face at the sight of it, Scott Moir surrounded by a dozen children. He’d always wanted a large family, Tessa knew that. She wondered, with a sickening sense of defeat, if that was something they should have discussed prior to moving in together. 

Tessa wasn’t sure if she wanted children, didn’t know if she’d ever be comfortable loaning her body out to a developing fetus for nine months. It wasn’t because of Scott; she knew he was an incredible father. It was the doubt in her own mothering abilities, even with the experience she’d gained over the past few months with Lily. It was the coddling, the selflessness that came with being a loving mother. It was the idea that she would need to become the self-sacrificing woman that she’d never been, the fear that she wouldn’t have it within her to consistently put another human before herself. 

But watching Scott like this, grinning and breathless with joy, she almost wanted it. She suddenly longed to feel the swell of her belly as their child grew within her. Part of her wanted desperately to look into the eyes of a newborn with his jaw structure and the shape of his eyes. And as she looked lovingly at Lily, the little girl wearing a gray dress printed with miniature T. rexes, she could almost see what their child would look like. There was a twinge of nerves in her stomach and she tore her eyes away, offering Scott a quiet smile as he caught her eyes. 

At one point, Scott managed to wrangle the children onto the patio where they sat, surrounding Lily as the little girl’s eyes reflected the flicker of four candles that had been delicately pushed into the chocolate cake. There was a disjointed rendition of Happy Birthday, to which several of the children expressed their own joyful exuberance by adding additional lyrics to the end of the song. Tessa laughed despite herself, catching Scott’s eyes over Lily’s dark hair. Lily paused, watched the wick of the candles burn for a long moment before closing her eyes, puffing her cheeks out, and extinguishing the flames with a breath. Tessa clapped with the rest of the group, grinning widely as Lily’s eyes moved to meet hers. It was a quiet, meaningful moment between the two of them, and Tessa watched as Lily smiled, her tiny nose wrinkling in an adorable motion that caused Tessa to move toward her, wrapping her arms around the little girl’s body and pulling her close. 

“Happy birthday, my little Lily,” Tessa whispered the words to her over the buzz of the crowd, brushing a kiss over the little girl’s temple. 

They ate cake and ice cream, Lily’s little lips coated in chocolate as she grinned and giggled. Scott found a seat beside Tessa and slid his arm around her, pulling her close as he offered Tessa a bite of chocolate cake, only to pull it away from her lips at the last moment and slip it into his own mouth. She laughed, playfully smacked his shoulder and used her fingers to break off a larger bite of cake. After she’d placed the dessert in her own mouth, she used her finger to smear chocolate icing on his lips. He laughed and kissed her. 

The end of the cake led to opening presents, and, at long last, farewells. The children and their parents offered Lily hugs and clean-up began, Scott’s family helping Tessa collect paper plates and cups, carrying the items to the recycling bin before moving to gather the discarded wrapping papers from Lily’s opened gifts. The little girl herself sat on the porch, her legs tucked beneath her as she used her hand to control a plastic dinosaur, making ferocious roaring noises with each trembling step. 

Tessa opened her mouth to address her, to inform her that it was nearly time to begin moving her toys inside, when a voice called out from around the side of the house. 

“You didn’t think to invite me to my own daughter’s birthday party?” 

Even if the words hadn’t clued her in, the voice itself alerted Tessa immediately. Tessa glanced toward Scott, who was in the midst of gathering the remaining pieces of cake into Tupperware containers. His eyes went wide, immediately looking toward Lily, her attention drawn away from her toys.

“Mommy?” Lily’s voice wavered, fear clouding her eyes. 

“Jenna,” Scott said her name, his voice steady as she appeared around the side of the backyard, eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?” 

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I’m here for my daughter’s birthday party, since none of you assholes had the common sense to invite me. And you have-” her eyes left Scott slowly, her gaze moving to Tessa. “I told you to stay away from Lily.” 

“Jenna.” Scott said her name again, louder this time, desperate to draw her attention away from Tessa. “You need to leave. You’re not allowed to be here.” 

“No, I deserve to be here,” Jenna took a step, and Tessa could see her unsteady gait. Immediately, she recognized it for what it was: she was drunk again, she could hear the slur in her words. Tessa stood and began to move toward her just as Scott stepped in front of her. 

“Tessa, take Lily inside.” His voice was hard, emotionless. Tessa glanced toward Lily, her eyes darting between her mother and father. 

“Scott, I don’t-”

“Take Lily inside,” he turned to her, his voice demanding and sharper than she’d ever heard it. She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded and turned to take Lily’s hand, but the little girl’s fierce gaze was now focused solely on her mother. 

“Mommy, go away,” Lily said, her tiny voice trembling. “Go away!” 

Jenna narrowed her gaze, tilted her head toward the little girl. 

“Damnit, Tessa, get inside with Lily!” Scott yelled the words, and Tessa reached for Lily’s hand, grasping it lightly. Lily, never taking her eyes off Jenna, tugged her tiny hand from Tessa’s grip. 

“I don’t want you here!” Lily shrieked, and Tessa heard her shrill voice break with emotion. Her face was flushed red with emotion, tears streaming down her tiny cheeks. “I don’t like you! I don’t want you to be my mommy anymore!”

“You little bitch,” Jenna gasped the words and made a sudden move toward Lily. Scott cried out, reached her just in time to grasp her wrist. Tessa rushed forward, wrapped her arms around Lily’s tiny body and hoisted her into the air. Her arms and legs flailed as Tessa held her, hurried her into the house and locked the door behind them. 

The voices beyond the door escalated and Tessa didn’t stop moving, didn’t put Lily down until they’d reached her bedroom. Her heart racing in her chest, she turned the lock on the knob and clutched Lily to her chest, the little girl’s flushed skin burning her own. She could feel Lily’s hummingbird heart, beating so quickly she worried for a moment that there would be a medical emergency she wasn’t prepared to deal with. 

The moment Lily’s feet hit the carpet, she darted toward the door, tugging at the knob and shrieking. Tessa moved behind her quickly, gathered her in her arms once more and turned Lily to face her, her hands desperately wiping at the flowing tears on Lily’s cheeks. 

“Lily, Lily,” she said her name, tried to calm her over the little girl’s hysterics. Still, she knew Lily’s mind had kicked into fight or flight mode and it was overwhelmingly obvious that the little girl had chosen to fight. Her hands battered Tessa’s shoulders and chest as she tried desperately to push away from her, determined to get back to the voices of her parents as they argued. “Lily, baby, I need you to calm down!” 

“Let go!” Lily screeched, “I need my Daddy! Daddy!”

“Lily, Daddy is okay!” Tessa held her tight, withstood the blows of her arms and legs against her torso. “Daddy is okay. But you have to stay in here with me. You have to stay safe.” 

“No,” Lily sobbed, sucking air into her lungs desperately, “No! Tessa, no!” 

“Yes, Lily,” Tessa breathed, her arms tightening around the little girl’s body, holding her securely and safely against her. “Lily, I need you to breathe. I need you to breathe with me. Take a deep breath, okay?” 

Lily took a shuddering breath, her hands still smacking gently at Tessa’s shoulders, but she could slowly feel the energy beginning to drain from her tiny body. A moment later, she released a great sob and fell against Tessa, Lily’s tiny body crumpling in her arms. 

Tessa couldn’t fight the tears that sprang to her eyes, couldn’t keep them from slipping down her cheeks, one hand moving hurriedly to wipe them away while still holding Lily close to her. The little girl’s feet gave out beneath her and Tessa suddenly found herself supporting Lily’s full weight. She got to her knees and then to her feet, still cradling Lily in her arms as she moved to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. 

She settled into the seat, her arms encircling her tiny body as she pressed soft kisses against Lily’s hot forehead. She began to rock her, her embrace secure around the little girl, her cheek pressed to the top of Lily’s head. Lily sniffled, warm tears still slipping down her cheeks. Tessa wiped them away with her hand, shushed her. 

“I’m a bad girl,” Lily moaned quietly after a moment, her tiny body wracked with sobs. Tessa held her tighter, shook her head. 

“Lily, no you’re not. You’re not bad. You’re an amazing girl.” 

“I yelled at my mommy,” Lily shuddered, buried her face in Tessa’s chest. Her legs were curled, and though she was four years old, she felt no bigger than an infant in Tessa’s arms. Tessa patted her back, continued to rock her, attempting desperately to listen for any sounds of struggle beyond her bedroom door. 

“Shh, Lily, shh,” Tessa whispered against Lily’s ear, “I don’t want to hear you say that. You’re my wonderful little Lily.”

Lily settled in Tessa’s arms, her body still trembling, the aftermath of her adrenaline rush. She was quiet for so long, still in her arms, that Tessa assumed she had fallen asleep until Lily shuddered once more. There was no noise beyond the door, no raised voices, no crashing. There were no sirens. That was good, for Lily’s sake, but Tessa felt her heart still at the thought that Scott might be injured or worse. What if Jenna was dangerous; what if her fears had been correct? She wanted desperately to peek beyond the bedroom door, wanted to see if he was okay, but she couldn’t leave Lily. This was what it was like, being a mother; the innate need to put your child first. 

“Lily?” Tessa asked quietly, peering down at the child in her arms, desperate to distract her. “Talk to me. Tell me about the presents you got for your birthday.”

She pressed her cheek against Lily’s head once more, prepared to hear about the numerous toys she’d received, the joy so evident in her eyes and face as she’d torn the wrapping paper from boxes. When Lily didn’t answer after a moment, Tessa stroked her arm, brushed her hair from her face. Lily turned her tiny face up to her, blinking. 

“I want you to be my mommy,” her voice was quiet, hoarse. “When I blowed out my candles, that’s the wish I made.” 

Tessa felt the sob rising in her chest, knew she needed to suppress it. She bit on her lip, stifled the quiet noise of pain that threatened to escape her. She succeeded only by pressing another kiss against Lily’s hair, closing her eyes as she buried her face against her. She didn’t know what to say, couldn’t think of anything to say, and stayed quiet. God, she loved this child. She loved her more than she’d ever thought it was possible to love anyone. 

“Oh, Lily,” she finally spoke softly, a tear managing to slip down her cheek and plop onto Lily’s head. She wiped her face once more, said nothing, kept Lily in her secure embrace. She rocked her, even as she felt Lily’s body go heavy, her limbs drooping with sleep. Tessa didn’t speak again until she heard the little girl’s breath even out and steady. 

“I wish I could protect you from all of this, Lily,” she whispered the words to her, now certain that the little girl was asleep. “I would take all of this pain for you if I could. I would do anything to be able to spare you the hurt of life. I wish I could protect you from broken hearts, from hurtful words…” she swallowed, felt the emotion rising in her throat. “I wish I could stop the world from tearing you apart. But there isn’t anything I can do except hold you just like this. And one day, when you’re too big to hold… God, Lily, no, you’ll never be too big for me to hold.” 

Tessa rocked her, spoke to her gently, watched as the sun began to fade through the windows. When Lily had been asleep for nearly forty minutes, there was a gentle rap at the door. Tessa glanced toward the locked door, her breath catching in her throat, and then-

“Tess, it’s me. Open the door.” 

Scott’s voice brought a wave of emotion and she adjusted Lily in her arms, refused to let go of her even as she made her way to the door, used one hand to unlock the knob. His face was tired, devastated. His eyes were red-rimmed and she could see that he’d been crying. 

“What’s going on?” She asked, reluctant to relinquish Lily to even her own father. She clutched the little girl to her chest, supported her head with one hand. “Where’s Jenna?” 

“She’s gone,” Scott shook her head. “I had to call the police. They took her away. She’s going to spend a few nights in jail and then… then I don’t know. But tonight, she’s gone.”

Tessa nodded, willed herself to stay strong for the child in her arms, but as Scott’s arms went around her, she allowed herself to fall against him, allowed him to support both of them as she sobbed into his chest. He held her, murmured soft words against her dark hair, brushed the tears from her cheeks. 

The irony wasn’t lost on Tessa, the affection and care she’d shown to Lily, given to her by Scott. Tessa had spent so much of her life closed off from those around her, knowing that if she didn’t give affection she wouldn’t receive any, and that had all been fine. But now, as she wept into Scott’s broad chest, she knew it to be true: the greatest gift she could give herself was to love and, in return, be loved.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not died, but I do feel like I've returned from the dead. I hope you still care.

It was the sickness that eventually drove Tessa to make a doctor’s appointment. She found herself doubled over the toilet each morning, heaving until there was nothing left in her stomach. She continued to gain weight, even after Scott had switched to the low-carb menu he’d promised. It wasn’t much weight, only another pound or two, but with the effort she’d been making to hit the gym twice a day over the past two weeks, it was concerning. 

When she finally found herself seated on the paper-covered examination table as she waited for the doctor to enter the room with her results, she knew in her gut what was to come. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, couldn’t understand how this could be possible when she had an IUD, but it didn’t take a doctor to figure out the cause behind the symptoms. Swollen, tender breasts, weight gain. Vomiting. She knew before the test ever read positive, before she’d given urine or blood to confirm it. 

She sat in her car for a long time after the appointment, her fingers tightening and relaxing around the steering wheel. She thought of what this might mean, thought that maybe it was a mistake. That maybe when the blood test was read, it would be negative. That maybe her world wasn’t about to change in every way imaginable. 

It would take another day or so for the blood test, the doctor had informed her. She’d said it so casually, an easy smile on her features. Tessa blanched, wanted to ask her what she was supposed to do in the meantime. Was she supposed to distract herself from the intrinsic feeling that she didn’t need a blood test to tell her what she already knew? Was she supposed to start looking at paint samples for the spare bedroom in their home? 

“Becoming pregnant while having an IUD is extremely unlikely, but it is possible,” the doctor had assured her when Tessa had protested. “And we’ll want to schedule an appointment as soon as possible to remove that device. Your rate of miscarriage goes up anywhere from forty-to-fifty percent if you choose to leave your IUD in for the duration of your pregnancy.” 

Perhaps the doctor had seen the unchecked fear and uncertainty in her eyes. She rested a comforting hand on Tessa’s shoulder, drawing her gaze. 

“You’re going to be okay,” she’d nodded, smiled. “You have options, you know.” 

It was these options that Tessa considered as she sat in her car in front of the home she shared with Scott. Her trembling fingers held the papers she’d been given, her eyes scanning them for what must have been the hundredth time. The options were listed there in black and white, some of them too terrible to imagine. 

There was a pamphlet featuring the smiling faces of babies and parents that encouraged her to consider adoption, that she could change lives with such a selfless act. But Tessa wasn’t selfless, couldn’t be in this way. She thought of a nurse taking her child out of her arms at the hospital, knew she would never be able to let go. She thought of knowing that there was a child out there with Scott’s eyes and her nose, a smile similar to Lily’s. She couldn’t stand the thought of it. 

She had driven home on autopilot, wasn’t sure even as she sat in the driveway of their home how she’d managed to do it. Her legs felt heavy, her mind dulled with shock. She managed to stumble from the car to the front door, her muscle memory allowing her to turn the knob and step inside. She was operating mindlessly, floating from one task to another, suddenly no longer able to comprehend how these actions were vital to her daily routine. 

Thankfully, Lily wasn’t in the family room when she entered. She wasn’t sure how she’d be able to fake it with the little girl right now, how she’d even be able to hold a conversation without breaking down and telling her everything. 

“Scott?” She called his name as she made her way into the room, her voice trembling. She needed to find him. He’d know what to do. He’d be able to talk some sense into her, whatever form that sense may take.

When he didn’t answer, she allowed her feet to carry her further, still calling his name, her voice growing more desperate each time. She could hear the tremor in her voice, knew that she must sound hysterical. When she found him, he was in the kitchen. 

“Scott?” she hesitated at the doorway. He was at the stove, spatula in hand. She wanted to ask what he was making, was it lunch or dinner, what time was it, even? She felt her breath come quicker as she steadied herself by placing a hand on the doorframe, her legs sagging. 

He glanced back at her, a wide grin on his face. The instant his eyes caught sight of her face, the smile faded. Her legs trembled, gave out, and before she could hit the floor he’d dropped the spatula and rushed to her, gathered her in his arms. 

“Tessa?” His voice was fraught with worry, his arms securely wrapping around her. “Tess, Jesus, what’s wrong?” 

He didn’t know about the doctor. She hadn’t told him. He didn’t know about the way she’d been sick every morning, the way she’d continued to gain weight even with his low-carb diet. He was completely clueless, she realized, and the sight of her collapsing on their kitchen floor was an undoubtedly startling sight. 

Without waiting for a response, he was lifting her off the floor, holding her close. She found the strength to wrap an arm around his neck and turn her face into his chest, closing her eyes at the comfort of his smell. She allowed herself to breathe him in, took a sharp breath as she felt the anxiety building once more in her chest. 

He didn’t speak until he’d carried her into their bedroom, placed her prone body on the bed and sank onto the mattress beside her. His face was serious, concerned. She could see the familiar furrow in his brow, the way his dark eyes studied her face. She felt guilty and sick suddenly for springing this on him, for not clueing him in when she’d started to suspect things on her own. She wanted to go back to that first morning she’d found herself on the floor in front of the toilet, wanted to blurt out every symptom she’d had at once so that this wouldn’t come as a complete shock to him. 

“Are you okay?” His hands began to trace her body, searching for what she could only suspect was the physical cause of her collapse. He handled her limbs carefully, turning each of them over in his hands, and when he found no outward sign of distress, turned back to her face. His fingertips brushed her jaw, drawing her eyes to his own. “What are you feeling?” 

For the strange alarm she’d caused, she couldn’t help but notice how steady his voice was. There was food on the stove, undoubtedly sizzling itself into a crisp, but his attention was only on her. She wondered once more where Lily was, suddenly and inexplicably fearful that the little girl might wander into the kitchen and touch the stove unsuspectingly. 

“Scott,” she sniffled, eyes rimmed red, “the stove.” 

His eyes didn’t register her words for a moment and then he pushed himself off the bed, his feet rushing him out of the room and down the hall. She held her breath, listening as he swore softly. There was the clatter of a pan followed by the running of the faucet and then a cool hiss as the scorching metal met the liquid. She waited a moment longer, her blurry eyes watching the doorway as the sound of his steps grew nearer. 

When he reappeared, he offered her a tiny smile and brushed his fingers through his dark hair. 

“I was trying something new,” he admitted, his grin crooked as she watched him dumbly. “There was a café when I stayed up in Montreal that had the best croque-monsieur. I’ve been trying to recreate it for years, but I finally-”

“I’m pregnant.” 

The words settled between them in an uneasy silence, and it was another moment before they seemed to register in his brain. He blinked once, twice, and then his lips pressed into a line. 

“Are you serious?” 

Of course he knew she was, he had to. She wouldn’t have fallen to her knees and collapsed in his arms if she’d been joking. She wasn’t a good actress, didn’t pretend to be. She could hide her feelings, could disguise them, but it was a cosmic joke to believe that she’d ever lie about something like this. 

“Scott…” she said his name as a challenge, but it dissolved into a sob and suddenly she’d slumped against him once more, her petite frame heaving with the force of her tears. She felt his hand on her arm and then her back, felt his fingers tracing her spine through the thin fabric of her shirt. 

“Tess,” his voice was filled with wonder, his gentle tone encouraging her to glance up at him. Instead, she buried her face in his shoulder, felt her hot tears soak his shirt as her thin fingers clutched the cotton, pulling him to her. “Tessa. Look at me.” 

She couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes for another long moment, knew from the softness of his voice that he wouldn’t have the same reaction she had to the news. He had Lily, of course. He was already a father; what was one more child? He’d already been through the rigors of sleepless nights, had already mastered the art of cradling a fussy child in his arms, patting backs and burping and changing diapers. 

But he wouldn’t have to go through the agony of watching his body stretch and grow into something that he wouldn’t recognize. He wouldn’t have to dedicate the next nine months of his life to the fetus, wouldn’t have to refrain from coffee and strenuous exercise and alter his entire existence to grow a child that she hadn’t even wanted. 

It wasn’t the idea of having a child with Scott; throughout the past few months she’d come to realize that if there were ever anyone she’d consider raising a family with, it would be him. She’d basically walked into a ready-made family as it was, he and Lily alone and waiting for a woman to become a partner, a mother. 

When she finally met his gaze, her red-rimmed eyes burning with the desire to shed more tears, there was a wonder-filled smile on his face. It lasted for only a second, his eyes quickly registering the distress on her features, eyebrows furrowing and lips parting in concern. 

“You’re not happy.” It wasn’t a question. 

She swallowed, felt a wave of emotion break in her throat. She felt ashamed suddenly, could see the way his features had fallen and hated that she’d done this to him. 

She shook her head but couldn’t say the words; no, I’m not happy. I’m terrified and I never wanted this. 

He let his breath escape him in a quiet sigh, his eyes tracing her face as his thumb stroked her thigh. She shuddered beneath his touch, took a quiet breath and hung her head. Her dark hair fell into her face and she welcomed the curtain between them, was torn between a sudden desire to collapse in his arms and turn away from him.

“How did… I mean, what do you…” she heard his voice catch in his throat, watched from behind the dark veil of her hair as he swallowed. “What do you want to do about it?” 

She raised her head in surprise, her eyebrows knitting together. 

“What do you mean?” 

She could see the pain in his eyes, could see the way his jaw clenched as he spoke. She knew what he was asking, couldn’t believe that he’d even say the words aloud. She’d thought them, but only in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind and had only allowed herself to entertain the thought for a few brief moments. 

But he didn’t want to say the words anymore than she wanted to tell him that she wasn’t happy, knew that he felt guilty for even thinking there was an alternative to giving birth to this baby. He likely hated himself for even considering an option that didn’t involve keeping and raising this baby together. 

“I mean, what do you want, Tess?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his dark eyes wet. 

She couldn’t be sure if it was the question itself, the sad look in his eyes, or the gentle tone of his voice, but she felt her shoulders heave and broke into tears once more. She sobbed, buried her face in her hands and instantly his arms were around her. His strong arms encircled her, pulling her against his chest and stroking her dark hair as she wept. He didn’t speak, didn’t ask any questions, just allowed his fingers to trace her spine, pressed kisses against her warm skin. 

“I’m so scared,” she gasped, “I should have been more careful. We should have used a condom. I didn’t think…” 

She sobbed, blabbered on as Scott held her. 

“…and of course you’re fertile, you have a daughter, and I just didn’t… I’ve always been so careful. I was an idiot not to expect this…” 

“Tess,” his voice sounded stronger now, “You’re not an idiot. Neither of us expected this, okay? It’s not you. You did everything you could do. We didn’t… I’m sorry…” He quieted as she shuddered in his arms, her head pressed against his sturdy chest. Her breath was unsteady as she listened to the thrum of his heart, tried to align the rhythm of her own with his. 

She clutched at him, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, wet with her tears. 

His fingers swept her hair from her damp face, his lips brushing a kiss over her forehead. 

“Talk to me, okay? Talk to me,” he slid a finger beneath her chin, tilted her face toward his. “What are you feeling? What are you so scared of, Tess?” 

And there it was; the question she wasn’t sure how to answer. It had circled around in her brain all day; what was she so scared of? As much as she dreaded the thought of watching her body change into something unrecognizable, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t even the process of giving birth; she’d been through enough pain over the duration of her career that it no longer scared her. 

“I can’t be a mom,” she was saying the words before she even realized it, shaking her head as she spoke. “I don’t know how to be a mom, Scott. What if I’m terrible? I’m going to mess this kid up, I can’t-”

“Tessa,” he said her name once more. She quieted immediately as if she had been scolded, her bright eyes wet with tears. “You can. You can do anything. You’ve proven that to me over and over again. And being a mom? Jesus, Tess, you know how much Lily loves you. How many times do I have to tell you that you’re more of a mother to her than Jenna ever was? More than she could ever hope to be?” 

His words quieted her soft sobs, she took a shuddering breath and wiped at her eyes. 

“I know you’re scared, baby. It’s okay. Jesus, I’m scared, too, I’m… I’m going to be a dad again…” she saw the wonder in his eyes, saw the hint of a smile playing on his lips, “but if there’s anybody in the world that can learn to be a mom, it’s you.” 

Tessa curled into his arms, buried her face in his shoulder. She let him hold her for a long moment, their breath syncing, their hearts beating in time. 

“And if you want to do it, Tess, God, I’d love to be a parent with you. To hold a baby, our baby…” she heard the hitch in his voice, could imagine his eyes wet with emotion. “But if you don’t, I would never ask you to.” 

She stayed in his arms for several moments before finally straightening and meeting his eyes. 

“I just want to be sure,” she admitted softly, pressing her lips together. “I just need to know that I can do this without causing some indescribable trauma to this baby. I never wanted to be a mom, Scott. I don’t know if I have it in me.” 

He watched her, dark eyes serious, his fingers reaching out to tenderly touch her abdomen. 

“It’s in you, Tess. It’s already in you. Your body is already doing all of the things it needs to do to protect and care for our baby. The weight gain, the morning sickness; your body is responding to this pregnancy whether you want it to or not, kiddo.” 

She considered his words, allowed her eyes to drop to his hand as she watched the gentle way his fingers stroked her belly. It felt real suddenly, the idea that their child was growing within her. The feel of his hand upon the slight curve of her abdomen somehow seemed to make it true, seemed to help settle the uneasy feeling within her. She suddenly wanted to tell him that she wanted to keep the baby, that having his child felt right and good even though she was scared out of her mind. She wanted to tell him that there was no one she’d rather raise a baby with, that there was no one else’s genetic material she’d want her baby to have, but when she spoke, her voice sounded small and weak. 

“I need to lay down. I just need to be alone for a little bit, okay?” 

Disappointment briefly flashed across his face, though he hid it well. He nodded, leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against her cheek and then rose to his feet. He hesitated for a moment, watching her uncertainly, as if she’d dart out of the room once he removed his eyes from her. 

“Just yell if you need me, okay? I’m here. I’m here for anything.” 

She nodded, watched him go, and then turned on her side facing away from the door. She tucked her elbow beneath her head and blinked, tears burning her eyes. Her body felt as if it were on fire, every nerve ending felt like a live wire, her heart pounded in her chest. She was exhausted but knew she wouldn’t sleep, knew that there was no way she could possibly drift into a state of unconscious bliss with the thoughts that raced in her head. 

But her body was so tired, the fatigue of carrying a fetus within her had ravaged her for the past several weeks. The stress of all the morning sickness, the overexertion she’d pushed herself into at the gym. All of it caught up with her in a matter of minutes and she fell into a restless sleep. 

When she finally blinked awake, the room felt hazy and warm and she kicked the blankets from around her legs, wondering if Scott had tucked her in as she’d slept. She couldn’t see the clock, didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but she felt nauseous and uncertain and the memory of the morning rushed back to her. 

She had to make a decision, she knew that. She needed to decide if she’d continue to carry the baby, if she’d decide on adoption. She could remove the IUD or leave it in, take her chances with fate. If it was meant to be, the baby would be born healthy, and it wasn’t…

Jesus, what was wrong with her? She couldn’t live like this, refused to leave such an important decision up to chance and hated the idea that she was simply waiting for her body to reject her unborn child. It wasn’t right, and even if she decided not to keep the baby, it wouldn’t be in this way. 

She heard the quiet creak of the door as it opened, swallowed hard as she imagined Scott peering through the crack at her prone form. She wanted to tell him to go away, that she needed more time to think, that she couldn’t be rushed into making such an important decision, but just as she opened her mouth to say the words, the voice cut her off. 

“Tessa? Are you sleeping?” 

It wasn’t Scott, she realized immediately; it was Lily. Her tiny voice sounded uncertain and cautious, and she could imagine her tiny face watching her in the darkness of the room. 

Tessa felt a sense of unease in her stomach, didn’t think she could bear turning to face the child right now, not knowing the ambiguity she felt concerning the child already developing in her womb. She couldn’t think of seeing that tiny face mixed with features of her own, listening to the cry of their newborn baby and handing it off to a stranger without ever getting to hold it in her arms. 

“Daddy said you don’t feel good,” she continued quietly, almost in a whisper, “and my baby doesn’t feel good either.” 

The innocence in her voice made Tessa smile and she turned to face Lily, pulling herself into a sitting position. She slowly tucked her feet beneath her, keeping Lily’s eyes before allowing herself to glance down at the doll cradled in the little girl’s arms. 

“What’s wrong with your baby?” Tessa’s voice was hoarse, quiet. She cleared her throat and Lily eyed her for a moment before climbing onto the bed beside her, quietly presenting her doll to Tessa. 

“Her belly hurts,” she nodded gravely, “and the doctor called. Her heart is definitely broken.” 

Tessa laughed despite herself, causing a soft grin to ripple across Lily’s face. She tilted her head, tucked it into the crook of her arm to hide the smile. 

“It’s definitely broken, huh?” Tessa asked. Lily nodded once more. Tessa studied her for a moment before taking the doll from Lily and laying it flat across her lap. “What could make her heart feel better?” 

Lily watched her, adoration glimmering in her eyes. Tessa could see it; it was plain as day. She tried to deny it, tried to make herself believe that Lily was simply caught up in this moment of make-believe, but she knew the truth. Lily was watching her, waiting; Lily loved her. 

“Maybe a hug and a kiss,” Lily shrugged, her tiny shoulders rising and falling. “That always helps me.” 

Tessa smiled at her and pulled the doll close to her chest, wrapping her arms around the toy in a tight squeeze before placing an over-exaggerated kiss on its plastic head. Lily watched her, grinning. Tessa turned the doll toward her once more, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“Do you think she feels better?” She asked. 

Lily nodded slightly, pressed her lips together. 

“A little bit.” 

“Oh. Just a little bit?” Tessa realized she sounded disappointed, nearly rolled her eyes at her own foray into fantasy, thought again of the child developing within her and then straightened her spine a little, catching Lily’s eyes. “Well, maybe she’d feel better if I gave her mommy a hug, too.” 

Lily brightened suddenly, nodded, and leaned into Tessa’s arms. Tessa pulled her into her lap, her tiny legs settling between Tessa’s own. She slid her arms around Lily, hugging the little girl, holding her close. Lily’s small arms circled Tessa’s neck, and they sat that way for several long seconds, pressed against one another. 

When Tessa finally pulled away, Lily was flushed and grinning, her tiny teeth bared. Tessa wrinkled her nose at her, dimples pressing into her cheeks, and brushed a kiss across Lily’s forehead. 

“You’re going to be a great mommy one day, Lily bug,” Tessa stroked her cheek with the tips of her fingers and Lily watched her with wide, adoring eyes. 

“I want to be a mommy just like you,” Lily whispered the words, emotion hitching in her throat. 

Tessa’s breath caught in her throat, her dark hair falling around her shoulders as she shook her head. 

“I’m not a mommy,” the words escaped her in a breath, anxiety knotting in her stomach. 

“Yes you are,” Lily sighed, leaning against her, her tiny head resting on Tessa’s chest. The smell of her baby shampoo filled Tessa’s nostrils, and without even realizing it, Tessa began to stroke the little girl’s back, settling her into her touch. “You’re my mommy. My mommy Tessa. You’re the best mommy in the whole world.” 

Tessa couldn’t speak, didn’t know what she would say even if she were capable of it at the moment. There were a million thoughts running through her head, but none of them felt right. They were too generic, too contrived. All she could do was continue to hold the little girl, rock her gently in her arms in a way that was all too reminiscent of that evening in her room after the birthday party that had gone so terribly wrong. 

Lily’s hands clutched Tessa, her face nuzzling into Tessa’s soft chest. They stayed that way until Scott noticed the crack in the door, stepped into the room and saw Lily curled in her arms. 

“Lily,” he admonished her gently, “I told you Tessa didn’t feel good.” 

She felt the little girl’s body stiffen slightly at the reprimand and she rose her head to meet her father’s soft gaze. 

“It’s okay,” Tessa smiled at him, pressed a kiss to the top of Lily’s head. “I feel better now.” 

The tension left his face, a smile pressing across his features. 

“Yeah?” 

He was still uncertain; she could see the quiet fear in his eyes. Tessa smiled, nodded. 

“Yeah. And I think I figured out what I want to do.” 

Scott didn’t speak for a moment, studied his daughter in her arms. Lily pulled back to look at Tessa, dark eyes taking in her solemn face. 

“What do you want to do?” Scott asked softly, almost as if he feared the response. Tessa kept his eyes for a moment before looking back at Lily, smiling at her gently before using her thumb to stroke her tender cheek. 

“I want to be a mom,” she spoke the words quietly, hesitantly. At the grin that appeared on Lily’s face, Tessa repeated them. “I want to be a really good mom. And I'm going to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very rough road for me this past month. I can't thank you enough for the kind words on instagram and the constant reassurance that I am good enough, even when I feel like I'm not. Thank you.


End file.
